I Don't Ship Kevjean Not Because Its Not There But Because Its Been Destroyed. I Believe Kevin Loved

I kind of love the idea of Jean offering his last name before him and Jeremy are even together, like havent even had their frist kiss yet. Maybe they take Jab on a walk and someone recognizes him and calls him Knox, which just puts him in his standoffish mood, coming to terms with the fact that he does genuinely want to change it. Jean obviously picks up on the discomfort and asks him about it.

"I don't want to be a Knox anymore. I won't take the Wilshire name, I refuse to, but keeping Knox just isn't good for me anymore. It makes me feel stuck I guess. Maybe I should search a list of baby names. Or do you think its legal to simply not have a last name?" Jeremy teases the idea of being simply 'Jeremy Alan' while Jean ponders, eyes on Jab who is now chewing on a bush. Tapping Jab on the back to distract him from the potentially harmful plant, he states it as a fact "You can use Moreau." Jeremy stops walking, staring dead ahead with a completely blank face.

"What." It comes out on the third try, barely auditable.

"If you wanted, you could be a Moreau." Jean looks at him and Jeremy can feel heat over his entire body.

"I don't think you understand what that might imply to people." Jeremy tries to keep his voice steady, still avoiding Jeans eyes.

"I wouldn't mind." And Jean smiles, a soft genuine smile, to which Jeremy loses every bit of composure he had. Jab circles at Jeremys feet, wanting to keep moving. Jeremy finally brings himself to look at Jean, his knees nearly giving out at the peaceful look of...longing.

"You would actaully want that?" A small spike of panic rises when Jean full body turns to face him.

"Jeremy Moreau." Jean nods, as if agreeing to the way it sounds on his lips. The heavy feeling of butterflies swarming Jeremys stomach has him feeling light headed.

"Yeah." He manages to whisper out. "Jeremy Moreau. I could get used to that." Still frozen in place on the sidewalk, Jean reachs a hand out, brushing against Jeremys as he takes the leash. Jean doesn't say anything else, but calmly gets them moving again. Jeremy lingers slightly behind, his gaze locked on Jean, on the way he so naturally walks with Jab, on how none of this conversation seems to weigh on him. Jeremy has a thought, rushing to catch up. "In what context?" He forces the words out before he can second guess himself. Jean says nothing, turning to him, his eyes flicking to Jeremys lips for a split second, then meeting Jeremys'. Jean shrugs, focusing back on the walk, not directly answering and yet Jeremy feels like his heart is going to give out. Jeremy goes to take the leash back, needing a distraction, but Jean grabs his hand, not letting go as he puts their hands down by their sides. Jeremy stares at the concrete, red faced and breathing uneven as he laces their fingers together. It repeats in his head the whole walk home, Jeremy Moreau, Jeremy Moreau, Jeremy Moreau.

Ok but remember that tiktok audio of one character repeating "it wasnt your fault" while the other character slowly breaks down?

Yeah thats what Jeremy needs

need someone to tell jeremy “you’re enough”

Okay, I'm supposed to be sleeping but I need to make this or I'll die.

We're all talking about how this is the only universe where Jean lives, but the same applies to Jeremy. Throughout TSC and TGR there are multiple references of how Jeremy views his 5th year as his "last year". The most damming is this:

I think it's fair to say that Jeremy was planning to kill himself after he finished college. He'd be forced to do the LSAT, and it doesn't matter if he succeedes or not, Mathilda would never allow him to pursuit a career on professional Exy. Even without Jean, the Trojans would surely win this year Championships, and Jeremy would have the taste of the life he can't have. He'd be forced to abandon the only thing that brings him purpose and joy; the only thing that allows him to be himself without expectations; and do something he hates for the rest of his life. He'd reach his breaking point.

We know Jeremy is very close to the edge. It may not appear, mainly because of how hard he avoids dealing with his crumbling mental state. He's like this big, beautiful and lush tree that's completely hollowed out and rotten on the inside. It looks healthy and strong, but one strong wind and it topples like a piece of paper. Jeremy is on his last strings. He may not kill himself in every timeline, but he'd be like Andrew without Neil: joyless.

The only thing that brings him away from the edge is Jean. Jean is the one who gives Jeremy strength to confront his family. Beacuse Jean makes his life worth fighting for. The same way Jeremy makes Jean's life worth living.

They are truly meant for the other. They are soulmates in the purest, most literal form, for one cannot live without the other. Jean is destined to die without his Sun. Jeremy is destined to snuff out without his Moon.

oh what I would give for Jean to go to another festival, to get to see fireworks again, maybe even play games. For him to try Agua Fresca, a little reassurance from Cat and he might have a sweet beverage he can actually enjoy without stress. I need him to be walking around with a stuffed animal Jeremy won under one arm, while holding a fruit drink with a little umbrella in the other hand, waiting patiently for them to try all the rides (there is no way in hell he is getting in a tiny metal box built in a day to go flying through the air) maybe he would try the bumper cars or do a corn maze. Him watching kids run and laugh, seeing all the lights and fun music, maybe there is even a live band. Jeremy watching him be appalled by the idea of funnel cake (the three of them finish two). Laila convincing him to do face paint, so he has all these intricate swirls on the left side of his face, burying the '3' in a wash of twists and turns of color. Jeremy dragging him to the petting zoo, seeing all these animals he has never been around. Goats, ducks, sheep, and ponies all mingling together. He hates the smell, but there's this little duck that follows him everywhere he goes and he cant help but to feel something. Cat cramming them all into frame for a picture as they are leaving, getting all the rides and lights behind them and maybe he even smiles, just a small, content smile as Jeremy presses their faces together, hugging the girls to them.

I need Jeremy knox to have a wild side. I have this image in my brain that he has a switch that flips every once in a while. A very rare one, one he tries to out grow and put behind him, but on really good days when he wants to be high on life, he lets it go. Im talking drifting down back roads, doing donuts in parking lots, throwing fireworks into the bonfires, high school redneck level wild side. I want to watch this man chug a beer and flirt a man into submission without even trying. I want to see Jean be amused, moritfied and jealous that Jeremy can be so in love with life to the point of being risky. I need Cat and Laila to have a "oh shit, here we go" moment right before it happens because my god he has that smile, that stupid glint he gets in his eyes before he dives in. I adore his gentle side and how he wants to help everyone and be a good team captain, but I want the nights where he sets that aside and needs to be reigned in before he hurts himself.

Peacefully listening to this while thinking of Laila whispering this song to Jeremy

Spoilers under the cut

I imagine he goes through moments of wanting to relapse and going to her and just letting her hold him as he tries to calm himself. Very much seeking peace in each other when the world is too heavy. All of her anger and protectiveness comes from her being worried about him and I can see her letting all of that fall away when he needs her. 🥲 I need more sibling moments from them.

"Honey dont worry nobodys angry at any of this"

"Its like when you're tired, you"re someone else"

"Its easy to break beneath the weight of the earth"

"Cause darling I get scared for you and I'm not busy anyway"

"All of your falling, has it got exhausting have you gotten sleep"

There are so many lyrics that just resonate with them, my poor babies

Some of my fav out of context quotes for my current WIP :

"I'm convinced your last brain cell is a ping pong ball and I'm pretty sure it had a hole in it."

"You hate me." [He says lovingly]

She smiles. (This one is significant for trans reasons 🥲)

"Your father could never hate you, mine could never love me"

"I don't think its often that 'foul' and 'beautiful' are used to discribe the same thing." (This pleases her)

"Mr. Jones has had to put up with you two brain-dead gentlemen for fifteen years..."

"Never anger. Jealousy, but never anger."

"I never meant to love you" (this one was devastating to write)

"...that coffin is where he belongs and I'm grateful that he is gone." (Get his ass!)

"You shouldn't, 'good' is a word I would never use to describe myself."

"Have you ever dug a grave?" (Hehehehe [menacing])

Half-time just ended. Everyone is retaking their positions on the court, Neil and Andrew lock eyes for a moment, just blankly staring at each other. Neil cracks a small smile, then winks at him before turning away. Andrew is immediately flustered, which means he's pissed. Hot red ears and furrowed eyebrows, he almost misses the sound of the buzzer, but he can't let anyone know that he is currently weak in the knees and deciding if he wants to punch him or kiss him. He watches Neil get body slammed before the ball comes hurling to the goal, Andrew snapping to its targeted location catching the ball. Instead of rebounding or passing, he launches it, letting out his bottled frustration and embarrassment. The buzzer sounds and the goal lights up red, leaving Andrew slightly suprized, he didn't even aim. Leaning on his racket, he takes a deep breath, fully calming himself and deciding he will kiss him when this is over. Neil gets off the ground with a smug expression, causing Andrew to ignore him, the game starting again.

Ok I just made myself so sad. I'm sitting here listening to The Devil Wears Prada : Louder Than Thunder and I imagined Aiden laying in bed screaming this song into an empty house.

"Are we meant to be empty handed, I know I could, I could be better, I dont think I deserve it"

This kid probably so desperately wanted a house full of a family being obnoxious and annoying over all the things he dealt with in his head.

If he truly was s**cidal than I feel like he would have had a lot of those moments (I remember laying in bed crying to this song, maybe I'm just reflecting😅)

This started out as a silly cute JereJean idea I had at work and now I fear it needs a trigger warning 😀 (also I had to rewrite it like 12 times because I kept forgetting to save the draft and closing tumblr)

//TGR SPOLIERS//

//TW: hints of sexual abuse//

ITS WHOLESOME I PROMISE 😭😭

Its the middle of night, Jeremy hasn't been able to sleep, at peace simply staring at the ceiling listening to Jeans breathing. Until eventually his breathing gets faster, more aggravatied and quiet shuffles occasionally fill the air. Jean's having another nightmare. Jeremy debates waking him up, but doesn't get the chance before he startles himself awake. Jean sits up, looking over at him for a brief moment then waves him off as he makes his way to the kitchen. Jeremys not sure if its dismissial for him to go back to sleep or for him not to ask about his dream, not that he ever does. Jeremy debates if he wants to follow and before he makes a conscious decision, hes kicking the blankets off. Jean says nothing as he fills a glass with water, watching in a half asleep daze as jeremy leans against the counter.

"Why are you up?" Its not anger or concern, simple curiosity as to why Jeremy followed him. He shrugs in response.

"Cant sleep." He mumbles. Jean only hums in return. Maybe its how deliriously tired he is or maybe its the way he can feel Jeans body heat despite the foot and a half of distance between them, Jeremy can't help, but smile. When Jean quirks an eyebrow at him, its impossible to suppress the giggle. Attempting to force it away, he clears his throat, waving a hand aimlessly.

"Sorry sorry. I'm tired. I don't know." Hes giggling again before he even finishs his sentence.

"Then sleep." Jeans voice isn't demanding, its light and calm, a suggestion. Jeremy shrugs again, watching Jean sip his water.

"I"m content here." He gives a calm smile, closing his eyes for a moment while drawing in a deep breath, he goes into a giggling fit upon the exhale and had to look down to calm himself. "Sorry, sorry, you're just...amusing." he gives a content hum, trying to straighten himself and not explaining his train of thought.

"I didn't do anything." Jean rolls his eyes, but has to shove away the warm fondness that laugh is bringing him. He sips his water for a distraction.

"You don't have to, being here is enough." Jeremy settles himself, if only just and Jean now feels like he's the one unabke to catch his breath. The kitchen is dark, the street light from the curtainless windows being their only light as the world sleeps. The girls blissfully in a slumber in the room over and the house quiet, it seems like they are the only two to exisit in this moment.

Maybe Jean is just as tired as Jeremy because he doesn't recall making the decision to move, maybe its the alluring gravity of Jeremys laugh, or the way he can see the cold prickling at his arms, but he steps closer, reaching around him to set the glass down on the counter. Jeremy reaches back behind him, holding the counter on either side as Jean all but closes their distance. His smile is still there, soft and sleepy. Jean knows he should look away, ignore the bedhead and the way the street lamp glows softly on his skin, but he can't. In a moment of untter out of control impulse, he leans forward, stopping at the last second. His lips a breath away from Jeremys. He can feel him go still, the tension in his muscles, but he doesn't move, doesn't tell him to stop, but he can't take that last irreversible step. The panic rises in him and as he contemplates walking away, "Jean..." Jeremy's breath on his lips nearly makes his knees give out and the gentle tone he speaks in is so clearly a question.

"Can I?" he says without thinking. Jeremys 'yeah' was felt more than heard. Jean barely brushes their lips together in a single, soft kiss. He hesitates to pull away, wanting more. Jeremys fingers wraping into the front of Jeans shirt almost causes him to lean in instead. With his eyes still closed, Jeremy gives the slighest tug of Jean shirt, making him lose every ounce of composure he had. Jean knows he should stop, to not give into the burning hunger in his chest, yet all he can think of is Jeremy's lips on his, his hands in his shirt and his taste in his mouth. The last idea of stopping leaves his mind entirely when Jeremys tongue touches his bottom lip, Jean has him in the counter in seconds, a startling yelp and muffled giggles break the kiss for only a moment, with Jean now inbetween his legs with his hands on his hips, he feels like he could be lost in this forever. That is until Jeremy puts both hands on his chest, slightly pushing him away. His confusion is only answered by Jeremy looking down at Jeans hands, his smile fading into a concerned look, its only then that he realizes he's trembling.

"We can stop." Jeremys voice is still kept a whisper, quieter now that they are so close. The anger in Jeans stomach is almost enough to over take the want, almost. Jeremy must have seen it because he pulls his hands away, opening his mouth, but before he can apologize Jean cuts him off.

"Its not you. I'm not mad at you. I want..this." he hesitates, the hoensty not forthcoming. "but I don't know how to have it." Jeans words are inconsistent and unsure. Jeremy waits, patiently staring at him, almost at his height now that he's on the counter. Jean fights to find the words, tensing and untensing his jaw. When he is slient for several mintues, only then does Jeremy speak.

"If this is too much, that's okay. We will never do anything you don't want to." Jeremy slowly leans forward, pressing their foreheads together.

"This isn't enough." Jean's voice is strained as he pushes against Jeremy, letting a little of his frustrations out via the affection. He doesn't miss the way Jeremys face flushes red, but he also takes note of how he tries to ignore it, to keep Jeans attention here. "But I can't. Not when-" his voice fails at the thought of calloused hands gripping his hair. He can still feel Jeremys kiss on his lips, but its a harsher one that he remembers, more forceful and unrepentant. His scalp tearing, fingernails digging into his wrists, and yelling and teeth- Jean squeezes his eyes closed, gripping tighter at Jeremys waist. He doesn't want to think of any of that when Jeremy is in his arms, when his kiss tasts like coffee and chocolate, the smell of a fresh shower and clean sheets. He is not them.

"It is okay to need time, Jean. I'm not going anywhere. And if you want to do those things, okay. But I won't do them if you're not okay." Jeremys hands are soft on his cheeks, a ghost of a touch as he craddles his face. "I don't want to hurt you." If Jean were any further, he wouldn't have heard him, the words barely a breath in his face. Those words, he's saying them to himself. Jean can feel the fire in his chest churning and it feels like hes burning alive with hunger, but for once, he isn't afraid. Jean pulls his head away, only for a moment as he lowers to Jeremys shoulder, trailing his hands up his waist to his torso in a gentle squeeze. Jeremy doesn't hesitate to hug him back, fingers curling into his hair and ankles tucking around his knees. Jean jumps a bit when Jeremy buries his face into Jeans neck, but he settles in quickly, all of the tension leaving his body as Jeremy tuns soft fingers along his shoulder blades.

Hugs. Jean thinks. A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads. Friends. Fireworks. Fathers. Hugs.