Was It Worth It, Kim?

Obi-Wan’s mindwipe didn't fail and he was sold away before Jinn was able to find him.

Years later, on Tatooine, Jinn meets Anakin Skywalker, who works part-time in Watto's store, because he wants to help his mother and older brother Ben.

Anankin takes one look at them and goes "Oh, you're finally here! I've been waiting for you all day. C'mon, dinner should be ready soon, mum will be upset if it goes cold."

Jinn and Padmé go all WTF but follow the kid since the sandstorm is coming and they don't have another option. Anakin spents the whole time asking Padmé questions and Jinn only manages to interrupt when they get close to the house.

Jinn: "How did you know we'll come?" Anakin just shrugs.

Anakin: "Ben told me. And he's almost always right." And then he yells something like "Beeeeen, that weird guy in robes is here!"

A head pops out of the house, looks them over and then Ben gestures for them to get inside, while chiding Anakin for his manners.

They have dinner during which Jinn just can't figure out why this Ben's presence bothers him so much. He's met Force-sensitive adults before, it's nothing new. But something is seriously off with this particular guy. Maybe it's his red hair and blue eyes, so painfully familiar...

Meanwhile, Padmé tells Shmi about their problem and she and Ben share a look.

Ben: "We've been saving money to buy tickets to Alderaan. It should be enough to get the parts you need."

And Padmé with her strong morals says "Oh, no, we cannot possibly take your money-" that's all she's able to get out before Ben raises his hand.

"I wasn't done." He says calmly and Jinn shivers at his tone. "We will give you money if you take us with you and compensate us upon the arrival to Coruscant, sans the money for the food and the like."

Padmé agrees, since it's a reasonable request, but Jinn frowns in disapproval.

Later that evening he tries to get a sample of Anakin’s blood to confirm his theory, but cannot get the boy alone. And Ben just stares at Jinn without saying anything until Jinn quietly retreats.

In the morning they get all the parts and fix the ship.

The whole week they spent traveling Jinn tries to get that sample. He fails each time. Ben seems to have an uncanny ability to appear out of thin air, and Jinn would have suspected that he was a trained Force-user, but he can't find enough evidence to prove that.

When they land and Padmé meets Palpatine, Ben goes stiff and steps in front of Anakin and Shmi, shielding them slightly. He smiles politely, but his gaze is sharp.

And just as Ben is about to take their stuff from C3PO Jinn is like "Oh, that's our speeder." Points at the Temple speeder and marches the family into it. "The Temple has the most modern medicine and the best healers, please let them examine you. This is the least I can do to thank you for your help." He claims, but in reality he just really wants to see if he's right about Anakin.

Ben and Shmi agree, since none of them ever been seen by a real doctor and Jedi Healers sound very good.

It all goes to shit when Ben's DNA matches with one Obi-Wan Kenobi, who's been missing for twelve years. The Council is in uproar and demands to see him right away.

Jinn, shocked and confused, stares at his long gone Padawan and wonders, while Master Windu asks Ben to tell them about himself.

Ben shrugs.

"Not much to tell. Woke up one day on a ship, been sold the next day, worked my ass off for several years then ran away and hid on Tatooine. Met Shmi and Ani, freed them and we've been living together ever since."

The Council is devastated by all of this and Mace tells Ben about his life in the Temple and offers him to stay, to help him recover his memories.

Jinn decides to chime in with "I think Skywalker is a Chosen One and I wanna train him."

He immediately gets a a very firm "No" from Ben. He has his arms crossed and glares at Jinn. "I don't care about all this properpcy stuff, Ani is just a kid. You lot have non-Jedi workers here?" Mace nods. "Wonderful, then we'll stay and Anakin can join the Initiates if that's what he wants and then he can decide if he wants to be a Jedi. Now, if you excuse me, I need to talk to my family, have a good day." He walks out, slamming the door behind him.

Every judgmental stare turns to Jinn.

He squirms.

***

Anakin joins Feraliios Clan. Ben works all around the Temple, fixing stuff and Shmi works in the kitchen, which improves the flavors significantly.

Jinn doesn't stop pestering Anakin about the properpcy until one day he gets fed up and bites Jinn in the forearm.

He has to get seventeen stitches.

And when newly selected Chancellor Palpatine starts calling the Temple asking to meet 'the young boy who helped his queen when she was in need' to thank him.

The first few times the Council politely refuses him, because Anakin said 'no', because the man didn't pass Ben’s vibe-check and Ben is always right when it comes to this kind of things. But when Palpatine begins to threaten them, they have no choice but to obey. They inform Anakin about it and he immediately walks into the meeting of the Council, Ben in tow.

He says "Fine, I'll go, but I choose the place and Master Windu comes with me." Mace is surprised, but agrees quickly. He won't let a child to meet an older man all alone.

That's how they all find themselves in the most luxurious and expensive restaurant in Coruscant. After greetings, Palpatine thanks Anakin and begins to question him about his life in the Temple, completely ignoring Mace. Anakin smiles, stands on his chair, pulls a data pad out of his pocket and begins to read aloud a lecture on consent and why it is important in all aspects of the life of a sentient being.

They attract looks, but Anakin doesn't stop until the end of the lecture. Then he bows, jumps down and eats his food like nothing happened. Palpatine is bright red, Mace is amused and low-key terrified and Anakin is happy to taste something new. He can't wait to tell Ben and his mum!

They get back to the Temple and Palpatine never bothers them again.

***

Ben finds out how exactly he lost his memory.

He punches Jinn in the face and then goes to yell at the Council.

He tears them a new one for their blatant disregard of the children's feelings and promptly makes himself the Head of the Crèche, taking Yoda's place.

And it changes things.

He teaches children hand to hand combat, advises them and helps them in general. He suggests certain Master-Padawan pairs and they are always successful. And he absolutely wipes the floor with Rael in the salles. He doesn't even use his new lightsaber much, just throws himself into the battle.

(And he bites. A lot.)

***

When Dooku hears about Ben, he gets back to the Temple as fast as he can.

Anakin takes one look at him and decides that he found Ben a perfect Master.

He doesn't take 'no' for the answer.

Dooku ends up having tea with Shmi and Ben four times a week.

A month later he agrees to train Ben.

***

Feemor literally flies into the room and stares at his lost baby brother.

Ben stares back.

And then they hug the live out of each other, because Ben does tHeRaPy and it helped recover his memories.

Anakin decided to adopt Feemor too.

And then tells the Council that Feemor is his Master. Feemor doesn't object.

***

Ten years later, Ben stares at the endless sea of identically looking men and wonders when exactly his life went to hell.

He blames Yoda.

He shoots down Fett's ship and locks him in one of the rooms, while neatly avoiding being bitten by Fett Junior.

He catches one of the clones and asks him to keep an eye on Fetts and goes to search the place. He can feel that's something is very very wrong here. Well, besides this all decommissioning banthashit.

Two hours of search, one confused ARC trooper CC-2224 later and Ben glares at the mind-controlling chip in his hand. The poor trooper stares at it in horror and swears up and down that he didn't know what it was inside him.

Ben pats his shoulder in reassurance. He has a feeling they'll be seeing each other a lot.

***

Deciphering the commands on the chip leads them to the summer house of the former Chancellor Palpatine. He didn't hold that position for long, there were too many nasty rumors that he was forcing children to do strange things.

Shadows confirm that he is, indeed, a Sith Lord. The Council starts to argue what to do about it.

Anakin and Ben share a look.

They blow up the entire house with an ion cannon, making sure that only Palpatine was inside.

"Oh no," Ben deadpans, watching the fire, "our Chancellor. He's dead."

"The wiring must have been shitty. That is why it is necessary to check the entire system every six months." Anakin said instructively.

***

Anakin is the best man on Ben and Cody’s wedding.

Ben returns the favor a few months later.

***

Clones settle all over the Galaxy, after their accelerated aging was cured. They fight slavers and start families.

Everyone is happy.

***

And deep down in the hell, Palpatine curses Kebobi with all his strength.

So you don’t have to watch the video every time you need one of these hacks immediately:

1. If you feel nauseated, smell rubbing alcohol.

2. If you feel like throwing up, start humming.

3. If you have a runny nose, put your tongue to the roof of your mouth and press your thumb to your forehead for about 20 seconds.

4. If you have a headache, pinch the webbing between your fingers and rub it back and forth for about 1 minute.

5. If you’re lightheaded from standing up too quickly, clench your butt cheeks.

6. If your arm’s dead/has the pins and needles feeling, rock your head back and forth.

7. If you need to pee badly, think of sex to trick your brain and relieve the pressure.

8. If you have a migraine, stick your hands in ice water.

9. If you wanna calm your racing heart, blow on your thumb.

A floral-designed scabbard matching to a sword.

24.4.2020; Life Born From Death

As High Marshall Commander, a title foisted on him by the Galaxy’s fakest bitch aka Chancellor Palpatine, Fox theoretically has privileges and authorities like no other clone. In practice, he has a headache and gets ignored more obviously than before.

What he also has is a fancy new function on his personal comm unit modified to broadcast GAR-wide to all commanding officers, up to and including Jedi. It gathers dust next to his own modified button that sees much better use - a private channel to Stone, the only vod that will let Fox bitch at him to his heart’s content without hanging up (Thire) or bitching right back (Thorn).

It’s been a long shift of 72 hours, the maximum Stabby allows him to do without a well-placed hypo to the neck, when Fox finally collapses on his rickety cot in the Command quarters and hits the private comm connection to Stone without looking. He’s already rolling his eyes so hard it tweaks at the migraine that’s been building since hour 18 and heaving a put-upon sigh.

“Everyone is stupid, Stone, and asking to be thrown face-first from the Dome balustrades”, he begins, settling into a low, dead tone of voice to warm to the building monologue. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. “I swear to haran I’m going to wring Amedda’s stringy neck one of these days. I don’t know what magical Force gods his mother pissed off, but they made sure to punish her and the Galaxy at large a hundred times over. He sucks the joy and competence out of every room like a black hole of stupid. I’d call him a has-been, but I trust in the power of nepotism and also just don’t believe he ever was. I swear he’s doing it on purpose and - oh, kriffing Sith-damned hells, you know who’s definitely doing it on purpose?! The kriffing Chancellor, that wrinkly ass-faced ballsack!”

Taking a deep breath, Fox lets that sit in his chest for a moment, indulging in the feeling of bright weightlessness. “I swear he’s trying to keep the war going - no one man can be that incompetent and still draw breath, not even Amedda or Taa. Goddamn Taa - but anyways, kriffing hell, Stone, either the senility isn’t an act or he’s a bad cartoon villain from Dooby Scoo. Yes Sir, sending Senator Amidala to a Seppie-infested planet for negotiations is a great idea after her fourth bomb threat of the week. No Sir, I can’t hear you cackling evilly with Count Dooku under your lame two-credit robe as you’re definitely not colluding with the Republic’s enemies. What, you have a red lightsaber?! Oh, of course I don’t know what that means, I was dropped on the head as a tubie!”

Barely pulling in a harsh breath, Fox continues, palms pressing into his eyeballs hard enough to cause sparks. “And speaking of lightsabers and senile fucks, haran smite my ass off but who the kriff thought it’d be a good idea to give absolute tactical and military authority to the kriffing eldritch space monks! The Force didn’t bless them with the collective good sense it gave to a kriffing rock, and I’m tired of pretending otherwise! Has anyone kriffing read the Theed Convention of Sentient Rights in Wartimes?! NO?!! Well, color me UNSURPRISED, because war crimes ARE NOT! GOOD! BATTLE! TACTICS!!”

“They run around in crop tops, Stone, in crop tops! Oh, the Force provides - WELL I’M GOING TO PROVIDE MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS, AND IT’S GOING TO HURT BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT WEARING KRIFFING ARMOUR!”

“Sure, let’s send the preteens into active warzones under heavy artillery in kriffing party wear! Surely nothing will ever go wrong! And give them commanding positions equivalent to CC-clones, WHO WERE LITERALLY GENETICALLY CREATED FOR IT! WITH A DECADE OF INTENSE TRAINING! LET’S DO THAT, BECAUSE WE’RE ALL KRIFFING STUPID!”

He’s gesturing wildly at the ceiling now, face heating up as his blood boils beneath the surface. “And you know what really gets my lowers in a twist, apart from the preteen commanding officers and blatant kriffing high treason and war profiteering?! Is it the complete lack of recognition? Gratitude? Basic sentient rights?! No, Stone, no, I would take all that in stride if it meant I never had to see Skywalker and Amidala kriffing canoodle right in front of me again, and pretend like it isn’t the galaxy’s worst conflict of interest case in the making!”

“By all levels of Sith-hell, what the kriff is wrong with that woman? You have it all, you could have anyone, and you choose that twatwaffle?! And then they have the gall to lock themselves in a broom closet for twenty minutes straight and have me guard it! ‘Oh yes, Senator, naturally we all go rattling brooms with our good friends! Nothing dodgy happening at all! I definitely believe you were looking for detergent and have used a washing machine before!’ The absolute nerve on those two! And then last week - you’ll never believe this - High General Windu passed by, and I swear he looked like he wanted to throw himself off the roof! I’ve never been less impressed by anyone in my life, and I’m batch-mates with Bly!”

“Speaking of Bly, that little bitchtit - if I have to edit one more, one more kriffing propaganda piece of him staring at General Secura’s bits, I’m going to stab my eye out! And if I have to edit one more of Secura staring at his bits, I’m going to stab the other one out! The only good thing I have to say about them is they’re more subtle than Skywalker and Amidala, which means nothing really. I will never understand that woman - but then she’s worked with Jar Jar Binks for a decade and not had a nervous breakdown, so she either has nerves of steel or is on some good-ass drugs.”

“Girl, your choices. And you know what else is a choice? Kote kriffing roundhouse-kicking heads off droids when he has a perfectly good blaster right there! I don’t know what the Longnecks put in his tube, but I hope to kriff it’s not contagious. I’d say I’m glad he has Kenobi to keep him in check, but that man wouldn’t know common sense if it punched his nose clean off his face. Flirting with General Grievous, ugh. I’d say he can do better, but honestly, they deserve each other.”

“And Wolffe - “, panting, Fox pauses, considering. “Well, Wolffe is an asshole and stupid, and I hate him because he’s stupid and has a stupid face. Also he keeps drunkenly submitting adoption paperwork on General Koon’s behalf - I wish I could say something mean about that, but honestly, his existence is roast enough. Anyways, bitches are trying me today, and by bitches I mean everyone. Commander Fox signing off to go not commit treason, unfortunately.”

Thoroughly powered out, Fox sinks into his hard mattress with a deep sigh. Several seconds of silence reign, and then his comm unit starts blaring in alarm.

Somewhere in the Jedi Temple, Mace Windu is knocked flat on his ass by a gargantuan shatterpoint exploding.

"how can m/f ships be good-" first of all through the power of bisexuality anything is possible so write that down. second of all if we start othering ships based on gender and nothing else we're no better than the opposition. third of all you need to watch more addams family

Tutor & Pete!Twin AU ↳ Tutor and Pete call each other every night. Usually, it’s to gossip about their relationships.

This is not including all the children who are lifeless underneath the rubble and not including the ones that were obliterated to the point where they cannot be identified. Free Palestine

Video: X: FisunGuner

Song @iamkarimmm

Scissor Wizard and Paper Wizard

It’s probably fine to leave them alone together.

the transition im crying