Being A Closeted Plural Is Like

by ilonaramona

Travis got stuck in front the other day and requested I make this meme:

Proxy pack host culture is LEMME OUT LEMME OUT LEMME OUT LEMME OUT!!!!

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I think a big part of the reason that I went from anti-endo to endo-safe was absolutely due to how starkly different the communities felt.

Anti-endo communities were hard to engage with. Sure, some of them would focus on their support for each other more than their hatred of endogenic systems. And that's great! However, when you are brought together by your dislike of a certain group, you can't help but feel the hate permiate into so much of it. It always happened eventually. Anti-endo communities had such a focus on systems who were "fake" that I couldn't help but worry I was one of them, no matter how much they told me it was "just endos" they were concerned about.

The endo community (at least the parts I've engaged with and were easy to find) were so kind and respected me as a system, no matter how I felt or my plurality presented. Simply knowing we could find joy in our plurality allowed us to strive for so much more than we had thought possible before.

As a traumagenic system, we've improved so much with our symptoms and communication as a result of the positivity and acceptance we recieved. When we joined communities where we could be authenticallly ourselves (no matter what), we came together and faced so much less conflict between each other. And the conficts we did have, we realized that we could solve them together rather than alone.

When you are constantly doubting if you are "actually a system", you start to push the others away, and that made our dissociation and amnesia so much worse. I understand being careful of self-misdiangnosis, it can put you on the wrong path for how you learn to manage your symptoms. At the same time, the sentiment I often heard from endogenic systems when I was struggling with doubt and denial was very simple: "So what if you're not a system?" In short, it was okay to be wrong.

And that was huge for me. I realized that, no matter if I was a system or not, the techniques I used to improve ourselves and communicate with one another beneficial to me. At the end of the day, even if I wasn't a system after all, the skills I had found we invaluble to my health and well-being. So when I fall into denial spirals, no matter what I think about myself, I now know that I don't need to deprive myself of what has helped me, even if it is a "system thing." I don't feel scared to use these skills anymore (even in denial spirals), beacuse the line between what systems and non-systems or singlets can/can't do suddenly wasn't a big deal or a battle of "who can do what."

Our plurality is no longer a burden or a scar to us. It is simply who we are. We've learned so much about each other and ourselves since we've been accepted in full, and since we've learned to accept others. Endogenic communities have helped us (a traumagenic system) probably more than they'll ever know, and we're forever grateful for that.

So thank you, endogenic systems.

*no other system has fictives it

もんんも

"Source trauma" and "exo trauma" is real btw.

You can have trauma from something that didn't actually happen because trauma is a reaction to a distressing event, regardless of the actual event happened. Both are comparable to real trauma, so for the love of god stop acting like introjects can't be traumatized from source.

Fictional introjects can be IN their source, they can come from their source. They are no different from other alters.

They can have real experiences as being that character because they're can be that character and if they genuinely believe they do/are, that's not a bad thing and whether source separation is needed, the alter will come to their own conclusion some day.

Our Splitting Experience

hi! i figured id write about my experience with splitting as someone who struggles with blurred dissociative barriers and difficulty with headspace connections

cw/tw for splitting talk and such below the break

so for me, when i split, it starts with extreme dissociation.. like really bad.. and when i dissociate my eyes essentially unfocus and its nearly impossible for me to refocus them.. then comes a nightmarish headache, and i just need to sit down and try to stay calm

now this might just sound like serious dissociation or like a panic attack or whatever else others may connect this to, but the difference for me is that i start to hear the new alter's name echoing through my head, in some weird way.. idk how to explain it other than by saying that.. it slowly gets more severe, and sometimes those echoes will have other information included, but the dissociation will reach a peak as well as the echoes before it all just fades away.. it leaves me exhausted and drained, and its very unpleasant.. from there, the alter will have some kind of rudimentary form, and over a short time theyll fully develop.

keep in mind this is just my experience but i wanted to share it in case anyone else feels that way.. :p

so thats all! - 🌹

Body is ftm.

Most headmates are cis men.

Watch as they get frustrated over living the trans experience simply because they don't identify as trans but are trans anyway.

It's an interesting experience, to me anyway.

Note: We're all queer in one way or another. Just not all of us can appreciate the trans experience the body has to go through so we can be ourselves.

it/its pronouns are not inherently dehumanizing, unless the user wants them to be. it/its pronouns aren't weird. it/its pronouns aren't too hard to use. people who only use it/its pronouns need to have this be respected no matter what your beliefs are. you don't get to single out people with "weird" pronouns and misgender us and use incorrect pronouns. accept someone who uses it/its as you support someone who uses they/them. there's nothing wrong with it/its pronouns. respect its users.

This is an apparently hot take but like… can we stop normalizing the idea that all littles / syskids are genuinely all going to be mentally children or “innocent” and in need of sanitized spaces.

Systems are gonna have littles who are nothing more than kids in headspace, yet act and function like anyone else.

Systems are gonna have littles who are traumatized.

Systems are gonna have littles who are persecutors.

Systems are gonna have littles who are sexual alters.

Systems are gonna have littles who otherwise have no choice in the adult topics they have to live with.

and the list goes on and on like it could in any other case; Whether or not you like it.

It’s up to a system to deem what they want and think is appropriate for THEIR own system, not for someone outside to decide. Just like every other type of alter you can’t just blanket they’re all going to be some sort of way?

(Obviously, littles who ARE basically just normal children that exist, but this post isn’t about that.)