This Is An Apparently Hot Take But Like… Can We Stop Normalizing The Idea That All Littles / Syskids

I’m the host of our system. For those who may not know, that means I front the most and am generally in charge of day-to-day activities and responsibilities.

I am also a front bound host. Or front locked, front stuck, front sticky, whatever other terms you may know. This means, more or less, that I cannot leave front, at least not fully. I’m always aware of the outside to some extent and I have extremely little access to our headspace/innerworld.

For me and our system, this means a lot of things. It means that I’m the person most people outside know. It means that I make most of our decisions and generally get more authority over our life (for better or for worse). It means that I don’t get breaks. It means that majority of the time, the other members of our system can’t really front without going through me, blending with me, being covered by me.

I believe it’s unfair to live like this. The rest of my system doesn’t really get to fully be themselves on the outside. They don’t get to have their own lives, their own friends, their own body.

And for me, I can’t experience the inside. I’m cut off from the inner world/headspace, I’m cut off from anyone who isn’t also in/near front, our memories get all weird while fronting in order to keep things from me.

I have so much responsibility and yet all I really feel like is “the default”.

My headmates feel so special to me. So unique. Like they have purpose. And I know I do too, but half the time, all I feel like is another mask.

I don’t really get to know myself outside of the body. I don’t get to experience the inner world. I cannot physically interact with my headmates the same way they can with each other and it’s honestly isolating.

My job is to be the default, the mask, the “normal”. I’m not normal. Not generally speaking at least. Im neurodivergent, im queer, im weird. I’m still traumatized, I just experience it through frosted glass and ear muffs. But I still feel like the most “normal” person in this system

I feel like the most boring, the most unimportant, because I don’t even have a choice. None of us do. I have to be like this, I have to be in charge of everything, and I’m not even good at it. I don’t get it. I don’t get why I was placed in this role but there doesn’t seem to be any way to change it.

So I try my best at least.

I feel weird even talking about my experience being plural because being a frontbound host it feels like every aspect of me being plural is just the times that I’m not me. I feel like I’m telling other peoples stories, even when I’m involved.

I hate feeling like this is my system or my life because it’s not. I’m not the only one here. Me being the default doesn’t make me any more real or important than the others yet I’m practically forced to act that way cause that’s how everyone sees it.

But when I’m not saying everything is mine, it almost feels like nothing is, especially when it comes to being plural.

If it weren’t for my headmates existing, my life wouldn’t be different from any other singlet because Im always out. All of my plurality is tied to what the other people in my head do or experience and I wouldn’t experience any of that without them. It feels like the only thing that’s special about my plurality is my headmates.

They’re their own people, and they only get to express themselves openly on rare occasions. It almost feels like me talking about myself the same way they do is taking away from that because I already do that on my non-system accounts all the time. I’m the only one who ever gets to not be plural all the time, I’m the only one who gets to present as “normal” if I choose to

But it sucks feeling like I have to. It sucks feeling like this is all I am. I’m plural too. I’m part of this system, but because I’m frontbound, it doesn’t really feel like it. It feels like I’m a singlet who just watches the rest of my headmates do whatever without really being part of that plural experience or when they’re not fronting I’m just alone entirely and it’s weirdly isolating.

Frankly I’m not sure if there’s a point to this, I was just struggling to come up with ideas of what to make a comic about and it turned into this ramble. I figured some people could relate at the very least so I decided to turn it into a post anyways.

-🦩 (Jameson/Jamie, he/they/it)

One of our system symbols is the rat king

For us it represents that, not matter how we formed, we are connected until our last day. If one of the rats die, the rest can’t move and will soon follow. The only way for us to survive is to work together and help each other.

We are a rat king, we may be many individuals, but we are all one.

Hell

Can't think too hard about our own plurality or we might have a mental breakdown

Like, who are we at any point? We blend so much and so easily it's not even just our default state, we're never anything else

Does who we were still exist? Did they ever? Who am I? Am "I" one of these facets? Am I a shell? Am I the remnant of who we used to be, the original, or just another headmate?

my biggest advice for (especially but not exclusively new(ly discovered)) systems is... to take everyones advice with a grain of salt. whats good for one system is catestrophically bad for another. a lot of posts frame their advice as perfect and infallible (which i doubt is intentional on the posters part), but it really isnt. just do what works best for your system.

i love you systems who are disordered i love you systems who are traumagenic i love you systems who are traumaendo i love you systems who are endogenic i love you systems who are spiritual

i love you systems who have no headspace i love you systems who have a blurry/wavering headspace i love you systems who have a fluctuating headspace i love you systems who have a small headspace i love you systems who have a medium headspace i love you systems who have a big headspace i love you systems who have a gigantic headspace

i love you systems with neurodivergence i love you systems with cluster a disorders i love you systems with cluster b disorders i love you systems with cluster c disorders i love you systems with physical disorders i love you systems with mental disorders i love you systems with temporary disorders i love you systems with permanent disorders i love you systems with no disorders i love you systems with one disorder i love you systems with multiple disorders i love you systems with tons of disorders

i love you systems who have no headmates yet i love you systems who have little headmates i love you systems who have average amount of headmates i love you systems who have a big amount of headmates i love you systems who have a massive amount of headmates i love you systems who have infinite headmates

i love you systems who are stereotypical i love you systems who are your average every day person i love you systems who are fakeclaimed i love you systems who aren't fakeclaimed i love you systems who are posted to reddit threads i love you systems who aren't out as a system yet

i love you systems.

local forest creature here

i find myself longing for cuddles despite being 7-10 feet tall and

scary

What the hell is going on here??

So, I know there was a rough morning. Jackys been in and out of regression all day. So I'm trying to take care of him. But hes extra sensitive this time?? He's always really sensitive when he's little but it's worse today. He hardly even wanted to color!

And the body, this stupid thing, it feels like its been in panic this whole time. I can't get it to right itself. I've showered, eaten, gone for a walk. But I can't get the breathing to even out or the heart to slow down or to stop jumping at every little sound.

I keep trying to look at the notes about the system or ask around but I keep getting dizzy when I try or it feels like I'm bring spun to face the other way. IM JUST TRYING TO HELP??? And I asked HL about it and he just told me to "stop scrambling" myself like that gets me anywhere. NO!!! No it does not!

Fucks sake. Does anyone know what's happening or what I'm supposed to do here?? My head hurts.

-🐙

by odwyer_sio9

decoration i found at a thrift store

[ID: a simple black decoration with white text that reads: If you see me talking to myself, just move along... We're having a team meeting. / end ID]