If I Write You You Will Never Leave You Will Be With Me When You Are Not

We speak in tongues The wicked we Me and my anxieties

Losing peace And lost to sleep No sleep tonight for me

My words are jumbled Mumbled sounds Can you find them In the lost and found?

Insane is pain In painful times These chains aren't yours But mine

Even the wildest Of creatures Still long to be Held tightly Sometimes, If only for a Moment Even the freest Of beings Still long to be Kept in Someone's heart

Did you lay me down Or let me go? From fear or mercy I don't know And you are with me Even so

I feel you in rooms That feel like home See you on streets I drive alone Your serenity Inside my bones

Did you send a song Over a breeze? I can hear your Peaceful melody And I sing with you In harmony

How do I give a voice To my anger When I have banished it To the corner For whispering? Like it is the child I am ashamed of, Or that if I were to Let it speak It might scream And never stop

I've passed off so many Thoughts to you, Anger, I'm sorry For making you bear That burden When I had never given You the chance to Grow strong So you might know how To stand by me

And I'm sorry, I never Trusted you Because you hurt So often in the past, I chose serenity, I needed it But I felt you, Simmering inside me Squashed down when All you wanted Was just to be heard

Today is a gray day, endlessly cloudy One blanket across the sky The world is smaller now, with that barrier The haze shrouding the sun, the blue The earth is contained under the veil

Under the darkness of the clouds The sun does not beg for engagement We are pardoned of participation A nebula of clouds thrown over earth They say rest, you are allowed to

Ice covered ponds do not shimmer California poppies sleep in Beaches are spared their trodden sands Paint the sky gray and the world sighs Exhale, the day is small and so are we

I am a wave The one you felt On the shore I crashed over you And became water Once more

You are the sand The earth That I long for When I am Out in the ocean With no oar

We are the gulls Look how far They soar Floating on the wind The whole sky To explore

My grief feels large and heavy I have cried into buckets And now I am carrying them Around like a punishment

I can't let go, I refuse to I am tied to these burdens Rope raw against my skin For now I need this anguish

And I need you, the source of it Because I am crying for you For the inevitable absence of you I feel it so strongly already

What are your dreams? They say What do you mean? I say

Don't you have goals? They ask Nope I laugh

How can you not? They say I guess I'm a sloth I play

You must have a job They say Certainly not I say

Contribute to society! They exclaim I have anxiety I explain

So what do you do? They question I write and I muse I tell them

But what about money? They implore I have enough to be free I retort

What makes you this way? They ask why I'm content all my days I reply

Such wasted life They dismay My world is bright I say

I feel a kinship with birds and spiders One eats the other The smaller one is feared The larger one is adored

A bird is artistic and beautiful A spider creates beautiful art A spider catches its prey in the art A bird catches a spider for a little snack

Your long hair falls Like silk curtains Over our ears As you lean your Face down close To mine and I feel At home here In our tiny world Between the strands