When I Have Swam Too Far And Been Lost In My Emotion You Have Been The Lighthouse That Brought Me Out

Shave my head And cover me in a Black robe With a large hood So I can hide In the darkness Of my presence

And look me in My shadow eyes My face all that You can see So you must know Me by the magic Of my essence

I have no body You can feel My fluidity In the night sky And cherish My full moons And my crescents

I felt creation in my mind Maybe as a mother giving birth Horrible, painful, terrifying But oh, what it was worth

I felt creation in my mind As a seedling start to sprout Small at first then suddenly It all came shooting out

I felt creation in my mind When I was cold and numb But it felt wrong and ugly And my voice felt small and dumb

There was creation in my mind When I first made myself And broke away from cogs and wheels To be other, something else

Creation knocked upon my mind And it begged me to be heard When I shoved it away It helped me find the words

I felt creation in my heart When I first looked upon those eyes It was never in my head When I needed to be wise

"Please stay" He begged and started to cry I gathered my things "Please just try"

I couldn't be his Not anyone's I've tried this before More than once

"I love you" He told me at the door I said nothing back What would hurt more?

I drove away And missed all his calls I wished I'd felt something Anything at all

"You'll never see me again" He threatened But his words were a gift Not a weapon

It's in the way you tuck your hair Behind your ear In the way you speak your words Soft and clear In how you make yourself feel close Like you are here The way you navigate the world And hold your fears

It's in the way you tilt your head In photographs The way you light up when you're glad Your sneaky laugh It's how you say what's in your heart And don't hold back How you are strong and hold your own But don't attack

It's in the way your forge your path No compromise When you let me walk with you I get butterflies I love to see which way you go Every surprise Love is in the way you dream Watching the skies

Love is how you've looked at me With kindest eyes Love is when you hold my hand And don't patronize How you've been vulnerable with me Not afraid to cry It's how we let each other breathe Without cutting ties

Do not cry for the girl Who never became a woman She is still here Inside me, I am her She was not Replaced by a man She still lives in my body And is so free and light Bathing contently in The sunshine of my mind

Cry for those men and women, All those in between, Who had the strength To live openly Physically, Wonderfully visible, Awake for the first time, Cry for those who's lives Were ended simply for Stepping out of their cages

The red-winged blackbird Clings to the cattail It perches on, Calling out in that Short, piercing chirp

They sway in the Gentle breeze together Like one entity

I wonder how the cattail Feels, if it likes Having talons Wrapped around its stem, To be joined in such a way.

I am always drawn to water It is not my sign But I am in love with Cancer Her fluid emotions And I feel her in the Unfurling of waves

I swim in her like A brush mixing paint Like cream poured in coffee Or ink dripped on a page I am flowing Completely immersed in her

She takes me to an island Under her planet moon Soaking in the night Fierce as Diana She will rise up and Snatch me down into the sea

Do moths ever wonder How many versions of themselves Live in the shadows Of their wings?

How many past selves Live in that blackness Cast out like an inky silhouette Or a flattened ghost?

I wonder if snakes Leave their shed skins behind To remind themselves They are forever changed

But I carry my past All the people I have ever been Make room, shadow I will be many more still

She caught me watching her As she woke from sleep Hair messy on the pillow Naked under the sheets

"My little poet" she said "Write something for me" She smiled with her Unnaturally white teeth

Closed lipped I smiled back And grabbed some paper She stared at me as I grasped At anything to say for her

I jotted down lines Inspired by someone else She kissed me so deep So pleased with herself

I couldn't stand her lips And left her in bed Maybe she never wondered Who I wrote for instead

I felt alone in my skin No, worse so I was a hostage inside myself Choking on a growing body Suffocating in adolescence

My pretty hair was like rope Tying me to a chair Shackled, cuffed I wore a constricting costume That was too hot and sweaty

And I was stuck there Because my flesh Could not be pulled off Up over my head, yet My bones were aching to breathe