When Your Friend Sees You In Public

The word “discourse” is ruined for me forever, maybe even more than the word “problematic”

Like this New Testament professor I was listening to the other day kept talking about “the discourses of Matthew” and all I could think about was like, Jesus accusing the pharisees of being messiahphobic

right hand man

Aaron Burr: I'd like to apply for the position. Can I give you my phone number?

George Washington: *visibly texting* I don't have a phone.

Just found out that people in England eat honeycombs with cream. Wtf? What are you doing England???

When Stan Lee dies, all the Marvel movie characters should mention they have funerals to attend for their postman/doorman/friend/stripclub DJ and then be very confused when they all show up at the same one.

Okay, so we all know about the soulmate tattoo prompt, where if your soulmate writes something on their hands, arms, etc… you also get it, too, right? But just think about the tattoo having the mind of its own and only appears when it’s the right time to find your soulmate? Like suddenly, out of nowhere, “Get on your bike and go to the park” appears on your arm. And then just imagine the tattoo being piss bc you keep looking for the wrong person, like “OMFG, not him, you dumbass, the one to the left!!” “Wait, no, it’s not him!! Stoppp!!!” And how happy it is when you finally found your them, like “ITS HIM, GET HIM” “Jeez, took you long enough!”

Some more interesting captions I ran into in this amazing ensemble today.

I just snorted so hard in the middle of a restaurant

The UK and US distracting themselves with memes while their countries fall apart.

Angst and potato chips

Two great tastes that taste great together!