Sophisticated-trash - Unbetitelt

Mother Earth: And to you, Human, I shall give you great Endurance and a thick skin, remarkable mimicry and visual tracking skills, strong inner bones which heal back even stronger when broken, an omnivorous diet with acute palates and resistance to most poisons, a pack organization, skin-stealing skills and the ability to throw things with ease and accuracy using your upper limbs, so you shall reign the hot savannahs and deserts as the greatest pursuit predator ever. Also as primates you shall not be bound to mating seasons and with your strong self-healing instincts and great adaptability, you shall rise and be numerous as ever.

Human: Mkay but what's that nice little red fruit outta there

Mother Earth: ... That's a pepper. Do not eat it, as it contains capsaicin, and you're still a mammal. This is a fruit for the birds.

Human: But it look tasty

Mother Earth: I mean, unless you want to be curling yourself down on utter pain, you should not...

Human: *already biting it* tast y

Mother Earth: HUMAN PLEASE STOP--

Human: *already crying, curling themself up down and shedding tears of pain*

Mother Earth: I told you. Stay away from that fruit

Human: *takes another bite despite the pain*

Mother Earth: What the everloving Big Bang, HUMAN PLEASE STOP IT'S TO YOUR OWN GOOD

Human: *crying* T A S T YYYY

Mother Earth: *concerned motherworld noises*

there is something so darkly comical about tumblr potentially outliving twitter

tumblr, which is held together with duct tape and madness, run by three raccoons in blood stained Yahoo! hats and a handful of crabs, its only discernible source of income the sale of shoelaces from an inside joke so inside no one knows the original source anymore and fake blue checkmarks... that website still lives on

truly the cockroach of social media and I love it for that

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

Good Omens and the Forbidden book, chap 1

Prologue

Nekocat

Nekocat

A short intro to my new Good Omens Harry Potter Au. The ineffable supernatural entities were given tickets for Hogwarts express with an invi

Chap 2

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Nekocat

Good omens and the forbidden book chap 3, the sorting ceremony Chap 2 Good Omens and the Forbidden book, chap 1

Space Orcs and Boredom

I'd think that humans are one of the most prone to boredom out of all the space-faring species. It's deeply engrained in our modern culture that time should be spent doing something. Often times, especially due to consumerism, we will waste it on empty, pointless things.

However, due to creativity and an impressive set of dexterity skills, it can get pretty interesting.

Imagine your human crewmates holding a competition to see who can climb around a table the fastest. A table. Now imagine it's just one of them. Who figured it out themselves. And then uploaded it to the human internet.

Just. Everything. Everything about this video proves my point. We're chaos boredom creatures.

“HI. Uh, I’m your new God, humans of Earth. The other guy was fired for sucking at his job. There’s going to be a meeting in an hour to discuss my plans going forward. Attendance is mandatory. Also, don’t be afraid; my resume is available upon request.”

Pepper: what the fuck? why is the house on fire?

Peter: in my defence, Mr. Stark was supposed to be supervising me

Tony: and in my defence, I myself was left unsupervised

Pepper: Jesus Christ