Saturn And Neptune By Voyager II

Natasha: *loses Clint in a crowd*

Natasha: this calls for drastic measures

Natasha: *shouts* HAWKEYE IS THE MOST USELESS AVENGER

Natasha:

Natasha: shit I forgot he’s deaf

the umbrella academy but there’s no context

Spotted a UFO

“What do you do in your free time!”

”oh uh-“

(Not mine just found it)

Clint: Just remember; what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Natasha: What didn’t kill me should have tried harder.

Clint: Natasha!

Natasha: What?! I’d appreciate a little follow through once in a while..

Clint: You’re never going to let that go, are you?

Natasha: ...Even you couldn’t kill me when you had the chance.

Clint (contemplation shows in his face as his eyes coming to rest on one of the hospital pillows): ...

Natasha: Do it you coward.

Me straight after a mental breakdown suddenly getting an idea for an edit

Weird Humans: Supression of basic needs in face of greater goals.

Humans have a history of denying themselves basic needs in face of a greater goals. Some humans become so consumed by their set task that needs such as sleep, food, hydration, and safety are put aside. At The Gathering, one of the largest gaming conventions in Europe, a part of the volunteer crew is tasked with making rounds to check that people are following up on their basic needs for sustenance, sleep, and movement. Certain athlethes will abstain from physical contact, paeticularly sexual contact, to improve their focus before an event. Artists, office workers, soldiers, nurses - allmost every group of humans can bring forth a story, either from personal experience, or heresay, to underline the human ability to repress basic needs for a period to accomplish something.

And then you have the optimized aliens who have seen the light and have structured everything so that they have every need met at mostly any given time. Now, take this alien and put them in a group project with other humans. Who are of a mind to finish everything quickly and then slack for the rest of the allocated time. Because humans are experts at using external stimulants, such as caffeine and nicotine, to supress being tired or hunger. Because college is no joke and humans are good at riding the bullshit wave.

Imagine some haggard student introducing his alien friend to the great Student God: Bullshitticus, and his two lovely muses Thesaurata and Caffeinata. Alien never studied human religious practices and gets awed about the fact that there is a human deity dedicated to writing papers, and his muses are the personifications of a vocabulary and an external stimulant used to forcefully keep people awake. Of course human student is full of caffeine and running on spite and pizza, so they forget to mention that this god is an old tumblr meme (and aliens have actually made courses that study memes) so this Alien edits the Horrendous Human Handbook ™. The knowledge spreads and aliens are baffled. The humans familiar with this old meme will quietly laugh and pretend nothing is wrong, because humans are also masters of waiting to see if shit hits the fan in a hillarious manner.

The leprechaun and the golfer

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

‘Arrgh! What happened?’ the Leprechaun asked.

'I’m afraid I hit you with my golf ball,’ the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?’

'Thank God, you’re all right!’ the golfer answers in relief. 'I don’t want anything, I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologize.’

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,’ the Leprechaun says to himself.

I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things I would want… a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.’

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ’ the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?’

'My game is fantastic!’ the golfer answers. 'I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ He adds, 'By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.’

'Oh, I’m fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how’s yer money situation?’

'Why, it’s just wonderful!’ the golfer says cheerfully. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn’t even know were there!’

'I did that fer ye also.’ And tell me, how’s yer sex life?’

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It’s OK.’

'C'mon, c'mon now,’ urged the Leprechaun, 'I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?’

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.’

'What??’ responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That’s all? Only once or twice a week?’

'Well,’ says the golfer, 'I figure that’s not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.’