“What Do You Do In Your Free Time!”

gotta admit, I'm impressed with their dedication to the bit

𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙀𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥…

Ref from this one below… Sorry, but I have to do it-

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get out there and take on the world!!!!!!!!!!

the world is weak, you can take em. aim for the head

Space Chefs

So I don’t know if anyone’s written about this yet, but I was trawling through the humans-are-space-orcs tag and I was hit by the sudden realization that I’ve seen nothing about space chefs. 

Space chefs must be like one of the most knowledgable professions out there, think about it:

“Alright, so this is a Crexian from Norix- that means capsicum is a deadly poison, Omega-3 will cause muscle spasms and due to the atmosphere on Norix, calcium will give them terrible diarrhea- no wait, this is a male, so Omega-3 is actually delicious–”

“–a Bio-bot, model Gamma-341, so absolutely no organic oils in anything or their systems will stop working, and for Stabby’s sake do not let anything with iron in it so much as look funny at their food–”

“–Mariddian fresh out of hibernation, shove as many protein additives into that meat as you can get away with and remember not to use salt, it fries their neural pathways–”

Like. I bet there’s an Interstellar Chef magazine in circulation full of recipes that are two pages long and then all the species that can and cannot eat it are listed for the next five. And every time a new species joins the intergalactic mess, the magazine runs a special issue as all the space chefs die a little more inside. The special issue gives a brief breakdown of the new species biology and then dives straight into what’s poison, what’s nutritional, what’s considered delicious and whats considered choke-worthy. If at all possible, the special issue also includes recipies from the species native culture while all the space chefs desperately try to figure out what dishes they can jury-rig into a new definition of edible.

They probably love humans though.

“Hey Jaxki, did you hear about the new species that the Crynsu found? They’re supposedly from a Death World, can you belie–”

“Oh fuck another speices?!?! They found three last spin and I’m still trying to figure out what to feed the Hrethad. Any word what they eat? You get the Chef before me.”

“Hold up let me look, I just got it today…void and dust!”

“Oh novas, what, can they not have water or something?”

“Jaxi these fuckers eat everything! They can digest chlorogenic acid! Some of them do it every day, by the void-loving gallon!!! And that’s just the nose of the Quarlag! This thing has a whole list of chemicals these guys consider delicious or edible and I swear to you it’s like someone mixed their list of the universe’s most common compounds with its spacing deadliest poisons!”

“Oh thank FUCK.”

“Someone you haven’t even met yet is wondering what it’d be like to know someone like you.”

— Iain Thomas

Ron : Now that snape is DADA professor, who will teach potion?

Y/n : I heard it’s Gordon Ramsay

Ron : Who is that?

Hermione : Oh no!

Harry : We are screwed

Potion Class

Prof. Ramsay : COME HEREEE DONKEY! Look! What is this?

Draco : Dragon, sir

Prof. Ramsay : This fucking dragon is still raw it can still fly! Fuck Off!

Prof. Ramsay : FINNIGAN! YOU ARE BREWING IN A BURNING CAULDRON YOU FUCKING DICK!

Prof. Ramsay : WHERE IS THE LAMB SAUCE!?!?!?!?!?

Prof. Ramsay : YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU, FUCK OFF! AND ONE MORE THING, FUCK OFF!