Souppooppie - Soup

Congratulations! Today, you get to learn the difference between memory and recall. There is an important difference, and understanding that difference will make you a better ally to the disabled community and also more understanding of your own brain!

What is memory?

Memory is the information your brain has stored for later. Let's make an analogy: your memory can be compared to files stored on a computer. Your brain is extremely complex and has a deep, layered filing system.

When your roommate's friend visits and introduces herself, you put her name in one of the many name folders. Our brains are complex enough that we can assume there are thousands of those folders, each for a different type of name and how you know it: friend names, immediate family names, extended family names, classmate names, coworker names, celebrity names, and so on and so forth, forever.

What is recall?

Recall is not whether you have something stored, but whether you can find it. Like that photo of you at summer camp in sixth grade that's stored somewhere on your computer, the information you learn throughout daily life is sorted somewhere into your brain's filing system. The longer ago that you put the information into the system, the harder it is to find, unless you frequently visit those files.

For the average instance of recall, people generally use the equivalent of the search bar of their brain's filing system. The information is sorted precisely so it's, naturally, recalled in the blink of an eye.

However, you may have had moments of recall issues. Everyone does here and there. The sensation of a word being on the tip of your tongue is a common example of issues with recall. You know the word, but it's just not coming up when you search for it.

In instances like these, you end up kind of manually rooting around in your brain's folders, desperately looking for associated folders that it might have been mis-stored in. You're trying to think of a vegetable you know of, so you start listing off other vegetables to yourself, as if sifting through the vegetable folder.

Sometimes, this association game can bring forth the missing file - or in this case, vegetable name. In other cases, you simply have to let it go and wait for it to come to you later. That might mean you smacking your forehead 48 hours later when you're in the middle of driving to work and the name of that vegetable suddenly throws itself right in the middle of your internal monologue.

Recall and disability

So, what does this have to do with disability? Well, the average person may have occasional recall issues, but for many disabled people, these issues are extremely prevalent. For neurodivergent folks or those with brain fog, we can end up having trouble recalling things many times in a day. It is extremely frustrating and can even be embarrassing in social situations.

For example, your roommate's friend, who you've hung out with on multiple occasions and heard numerous stories about might drop by six months later and you might stand there trying to avoid talking while you scramble desperately through your name files trying to recall her name when you know it's in there somewhere. It's a real life reproduction of that scene in SpongeBob where he only knows how to be a waiter. By the time she addresses you, it's too little too late and you have to admit that for some reason her name is evading you. It's humiliating.

Be understanding of recall issues

These issues have little to do with how important something is to a person. If you know someone who's disabled and they have frequent issues recalling words or names, it's just because the search function in their brain sometimes breaks down and they have to rely on manually digging through the billions of memories they have to try and find what they're looking for.

If you know someone with this issue who is comfortable with it, try filling in the gaps for them! It can be a fun bonding experience, especially between two people with recall issues, to immediately offer a word that seems to fit the flow of the sentence as soon as the other starts to draw a blank. The better you know them, the easier it is.

If you know someone with recall issues, be patient when they use you as a living thesaurus. You're saving them countless hours of googling or agonizing over what that word was - you know, the one that's like willingly suffering for an extended period of time about something that may or may not matter? (I just had issues recalling 'agonizing' 😔)

Anyway, that's all for today! I hope you've all learned something new about recall and how it affects people with disabilities differently/more frequently than the average person

What can Magical Girl Shoujo and Action Hero Shounen manga/anime tell us about perceptions of womanhood and manhood? And how different priorities for genders get expressed in media

Let’s imagine a typical Magical Girl Shoujo anime. It usually starts with a normal girl, on the cusp of puberty or a teenager, who suddenly discovers some magical artifact or innate part of herself that connects her to a magical destiny. There is usually no choice in the matter; she is (along with some select friends) the only one who can do the magical move that prevents demons/aliens/enemies from destroying her home (or even the whole earth). Her status as a magical hero is not one that’s earned, but rather a responsibility thrust upon her.

Meanwhile Action Hero Shounen tends to be about a boy, also often on the cusp of puberty or a teenager, who goes on a deliberate journey to attain a particular status or power. In some cases he may get one advantageous power at the start, but it’s usually up to him to make it useful and achieve his dream. His story often involves trials, tournaments, and intense battles that slowly ramp up until he becomes the most powerful (or achieves whatever status he dreamed of). That status is one that is earned, not given.

Do these differences sound familiar? If so, you may know about the theory of Precarious Manhood (Vandello & Bosson 2013 has great coverage on the subject). The theory suggests that womanhood is secured (or forced) naturally as a girl grows up; she just is a woman, and that status is generally not called into question on a regular basis. Meanwhile manhood is something that must be earned and can be easily lost; a man must continually “prove” his masculinity to maintain that he is a man. We see this reflected in the two genres I described: The Magical Girl just is the hero, while the Action Hero must become the hero. These genres are targeted towards the demographic of their main characters, kids and teens, and they reflect the values, struggles, and anxieties those demographics carry.

The Magical Girl genre focuses on a lot of girls' fears about growing up—there’s a sense of power that comes with it, but it comes at a cost. The conflicts in these shows often aren’t centrally the monsters or battles, but rather interpersonal dramas and work-life balance. To a teenage girl, having a friend group falling out can feel catastrophic, reflected in how a Magical Girl may cause a literal catastrophe unless she can get everyone to work together to defeat an enemy. Another huge conflict is balancing saving the earth and maintaining friendships, romance, work, and grades. Lots of girls get pulled in many directions at this age, and if one is expected or needs to help out around the home she has yet another responsibility on her plate that makes time management a relevant issue.

Within the Action Hero genre the fears and issues are of a different variety. There’s a focus on continual growth, best friends, and achieving milestones. Conflicts generally come down to power struggles, though there’s often an emotional component as well. The deciding factor is often willpower, or how much effort (regardless of the danger to his own safety) a boy is willing to put in to beat an enemy. At this age friendships are often built on sports, games, and competition, and there’s many anxieties about being “manly” enough (or sometimes just not wanting to be feminine because of the mockery that entails).

The differences in the genres clearly reflect gender norms/anxieties regarding femininity and masculinity for their demographic… and also enforce them. Girls are taught that their job is not to reach out and take power, but instead to play a careful balancing game with whatever power/responsibilities they are given (though it's notable that in these magical stories, they happen to be given huge power to work with). Boys are taught that they must wear themselves out, constantly putting themselves in danger and forcing their limits if they want to feel like they have worth or to "be a man".

What would challenging or reversing these expectations be like? Hmm…

Sailor Moon, with Action Hero Conventions

Usagi is just a normal clumsy girl, but one day she sees a cat being harassed by some kids on the way to school. She saves the cat, discovers her name is Luna, and that she’s actually from another planet! There is a secret elite task force, known as the Sailor Scouts, who fight against aliens trying to take over the earth. Luna says that she came to Earth to look for a human who she could train to defeat the evil Queen Beryl, which will also earn the human the right to be the next ruler of the moon. Though Usagi finds it strange and a little scary, when some of Queen Beryl’s minions come down to earth and endanger her friends, she decides to begin her quest to become a Sailor Scout! She’ll have to learn to be more coordinated and pass the Sailor Scout exam first, then battle with other Sailor Scouts to convince them to join her party, but eventually she’ll build up the power and strength to take on Queen Beryl and to become the Queen of the Moon!

Hunter x Hunter, with Magical Girl Conventions

Gon is just a normal boy who loves nature. As he is walking through the woods one day, he meets a mysterious tall man, Kite. Kite says he recognizes him; he knew Gon’s father and knows that Gon has inherited something important: The blood of a Hunter, AKA someone fated to be a guardian of the island he lives on. He has also inherited a special move: “Rock”, a magical punch that can break through anything. There are a few other Hunters Gon must find, add to his party, and work together with to defeat the Phantom Troupe, an evil group with great powers who are trying to invade his peaceful island. Gon is excited to be a Hunter like his father, but right now he lives with his aunt who hates Hunters, so he has to sneak around when protecting his island so she doesn't find out! It’s hard to balance being a normal kid and protecting his island, but with his new friends he hopes to do it all!

These are obviously simplifications of the plots of Sailor Moon and HxH, but it’s an interesting thought experiment. How would girls feel about a plot where a girl has to build up her powers and train? How would boys feel about a plot where the power/rank is almost never in question, but relationships and balancing responsibilities is? If you know any anime/manga that fit or challenge these patterns, I’d love to know your examples.

the sun mourns in vain for the white-throated rail: a comic about disability and the unwanted able-bodied grief for past selves.

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION:

Page 1: The sun holds a white-throated rail, a bird with a red head, a gray body, and a white throat, in its hands. The sun speaks in a tone represented as sorrowful pity through a drippy speech bubble.

Sun: Looking at you makes me sad!

Rail: What?

Page 2:

Sun: Looking at you makes me sad!

The sun stands with a hand clutching its face.

Sun: How miserable it must be to be flightless! Don’t you yearn for the skies? Don’t you wake up grieving you’re still on land?

Page 3: The white-throated rail looks down in frustration in the hand of the sun.

Sun: (speaking off screen) I’d simply perish if I were you!

The rail speaks, looking down. Pink flowers bloom towards the bottom of the page, petals and pollen blowing in the wind.

Rail: Why do you put your words in my beak and your grief in my feathers? Am I not beautiful?

Page 4: The bone of a white-throated rail is positioned against a colorful galaxy dotted with flecks of stars.

Rail: Am I not adaptability in action? Am I not evolution in motion? Do you mourn the days you weren’t a star? Do you mourn when the sky was cold, how unbearably hot you must burn to keep embracing it every day?

Page 5: The sun looks at the viewer.

Sun: Why would I? That was then, this is now. I am content to be in this state.

Page 6: The rail looks up at the sun off-screen.

Rail: Well…So am I.

I'm trying to find out what it is but I have no idea how to word it out, so I was wondering if other adhd folks feel this sensation in your brain PYSICALLY on some days, it's not painful or anything it just felt different. Like your brain is being held differently by your body.

And you can tell from this through your senses somehow that this means you can work. You can do anything you put your mind into, and you can do it, and you don't have to deal with executive dysfunction shit like it never existed! And it felt good. it felt god damn good.

So yeah my question is what the hell is it I want to know more about it!!

ok funny shit lmao. 5 months has passed. And throughout those months I feel dread because I feel time passing by so quickly. I see 5 months to be such a short time, I know how fast it'll end, and it feels like we are going to get there soon. And i was right. I blinked and boom out of nowhere it's one month left until college exam.

Now guess what. Today is already the end of march. Somehow for the last maybe 2 weeks i feel time going very very slowly and my anxiety just kinda subside for a moment? It really feels like I have SO much time. And no anxiety just gives me like.. just chill vibe as if there is nothing to worry about?? And if you think this is the right time finally start studying bitch no, thats not gonna work. I cant study a 3 years worth of studies in couple of days. Nobody can. So anyway I know the day is getting nearer if I make myself look at the date and it gives back the fear but it just somehow doesn't feel like it? And I didn't know that i wrote this 5 months ago, it really felt like i wrote this like some weeks ago? so what the fuck is time really? I wish this was just because of quarantine side effects but it is not. And I really love staying at my house and going nowhere for the whole year. I can see a very unhealthy lifestyle if i don't end up living in a small village on the mountain, where every morning it will get foggy. Yeah.

Anyway if anyone is wondering, no i have not study, not even a bit. Because it requires a lot of mental energy and the whole time i was trying to gather it and then there's also executive dysfunction so yeah. It just immobilized me. I think my parents just going to hate me more.

I want to learn but i also can't imagine going to college. I'm so not ready and incredibly unprepared. I i wish i can just perish

can anyone with adhd give me tips how to study? i have not been diagnosed but im pretty sure i have it. Everything make so much sense to such great level after learning what adhd is. I’m taking a gap year and in 5 months i’ll be taking a college entrance exam, and i have completely forgotten everything, i don’t  think i remember how to do any math too. I honestly would love to take another break but  i dont want to get the same reaction from my family for my choice.  i certainly don’t understand why learning should be rushed, like i could see some points to it but it’s still stupid. so back to point one can anyone give suggestions?  i have only five months left and no i have not study at all for the past 8 months ive been doing nothing but crochet even when i dont want to do it >:(  Edit : k i could be just extremely lazy and have no adhd but i feel like anyone who have this condition is the right person to ask since you are the Queens, Kings and the Alphas that could give me answer to the question that im seeking. i should learn from the true masters. and if you have the answer but explaining stuff is hard for you. thank you for reading i guess. ily

Some people just don't understand how validating a diagnosis can be. Like with my parents, they worried that getting a diagnosis would be "letting it define me," and that "there's no point in confirming what we already know." But having a professional sit down and tell you you're not faking or overreacting is so relieving. Of course, there are downsides and not everybody feels the need for one, but if someone wants a diagnosis, listen to them.

A snippet of the new song “Alone in the Night" in which Sondre Lerche collaborated with AURORA, posted on Sondre’s instagram

me: hey do you think i could do this work

adhd: hmmmm no :) you’re going to plan an entire novel in your head and think about nothing but how excited you are to write it :)

me: okay well i finally have some free time now, so do you think i could write the novel:

adhd: sorry i forgot to mention, you’ve just forgotten every thought you ever had :( also your motivation is dead now lol

so far in life ( i think ) i never make choices around my chronic pain.

It's either the internalized ableism that ruled over or my poor decision making skill that holds the wheel