A Quick Step By Step Guide On What To Do If You Come Back To Your Apartment And Find Yourself Locked

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

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3 years ago
The stunning rise of cremation reveals America’s changing idea of death
Cremation is now more popular in the United States than a traditional casket burial, and twice as common as it was two decades ago. What does that say about us?

Dude, some of the people quoted in this article are being real dicks about this!

“‘Some people want it over and done with. You wonder if they’ll come to regret that later,’ Moylan says of cremation. ‘With cremation families, a lot of them don’t want to know what we do or how we do it or don’t care to know what you can do with a cremated body. This generation just doesn’t want to do the three-day-long funeral home thing.’”

“‘People want the body disappeared, pretty much. I think it reminds us of what we lost.’ In the United States, Lynch notes, ‘this is the first generation of our species that tries to deal with death without dealing with the dead.’”

I agree with Caitlin Doughty:

“Caitlin Doughty, a mortician, advocate and author, says funeral directors haven’t done enough to address contemporary Americans’ wishes.

“‘The cremation rates are telling us something. They’re screaming at us that people are not happy with what is available,’ she says. ‘Cremation is more a rejection of the traditional funeral industry than an acceptance of cremation.’ She craves innovation and meaning: ‘We need safe, beautiful ways to engage with death.’”

Embalming and fancy coffins and overpriced services are what I hear people mentioning when they talk about not wanting to be buried. I personally don’t want to pay a bunch of money to have my body preserved beyond death and I don’t think that doing so honors death. I think it denies that death has happened. 

This ridiculous and somewhat insulting article is a gift link. Everyone can access and read in full.

3 years ago

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7 years ago
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5 years ago

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6 years ago

You can worship a deity without being devoted to that deity. You can make offerings without making oaths. It is okay. Please do not stress yourselves out because you want to make a thank-you offering but don’t want to make a lifelong commitment. Why would you need to swear oaths to say thank you? It is totally okay to just make conversation without involving vows and stuff.

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spooky scary devil worshiper bluh bluh bluh forensics, anthropology, archeology!

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