My Dear Friend, Are You Aware That You’re The Funniest Person I’ve Ever Had A Conversation With

fucking.

the hardest lines ALWAYS come from ao3 fanfics and I stand by this

Mostly thanks to @emilyelizabethfowl (their reblog contains many of the fic links!! thank u sm) and a few deep dives into my ao3 history, the sources of the quotes have mostly all been recovered! I apologise for not posting them all with proper credit originally, I truly didn't think the post would blow up so much, but the lesson is very much learned :) enjoy!

- number 1 is from merthur fic called Destiny Ordered You To Die, But I Willed You To Live by ironfamjam

-number 2 is from a klance fic called reach out for you (break these walls) by Paladin-Pile (UserFromPluto)

- number 3 is a batman fic called Home (jason centered) by Daisybirb

- number 4 is a zukka fic by I'm Not Angry Anymore by team_avatars_eyebags

- numbers 5 and 9 are from The Art Of Burning by hella1975, an amazing ongoing atla following zuko

- number 6 is a hualian fic called No paths are bound by cataclysmic_calamity (originally a thread fic but also fully uploaded on ao3)

- number 7 is a merthur fic called tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway) by Stardustwrites17 (the quote is also originally from a poem apparently)

- number 8 is from a batman fic called Nature and Nurture by lurkinglurkerwholurks

- number 10 is from a steddie fic called let me know (everythings alright) by bexiguess

ALSO there is now a part 2 !! (which I swear is better organized)

Being trans is so fucking funny cause my sister will be like “Ugh I wish I had a dick it probably feels crazy” and I have to be careful not to agree too hard or she’ll look at me like this

10/10 would smooch

the banana fish fandom NEEDS to pay attention to this man more LORD i love u cain

FUCKING ASH AND EIJI *eats a sink*

I could fix him. I could make him worse. Good for you. I could gently take the weapon out of his shaking, blood-soaked hand and hold him until he finally believes that he doesn't have to be defined by all the ways the world has hurt him. Then we could ruin the lives of everyone who has ever treated him like he's a monster who doesn't deserve love.

ngl every time I see a fujoshi make an ‘bl’ recommendation and Google it, the plot is always always ‘violent sexual assault of a struggling, mentally ill man but it’s okay because the perpetrator is sexy and has a smoking habit, and the victim will fall in love with him eventually anyway.’

Fujoshis are fucking gross lol

I know damn well Shorter would be the most IRRITATING older brother type, and it’d be so cute

maybe dont go on a date at the exact restaurant shorter works at next time

Hey, don’t cry. Make the honey drink from Ponyo, okay?

I got two of the tgcf books for my birthday yesterday, and I just…

How the shit did he say that out loud

OH BOY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE AS A DRAFT

is this a safe space to say that if he was real this man would not be safe from me

There would be nowhere he could go where I would not find him and ask him out. Asexuality be damned, he could be go to the ends of the earth and I would sense him like a shark and chase him with speed previously unseen by humanity. He could be hiding in a little house in the ass crack of the turtle holding up the planet and I would show up at his door with a rose between my teeth. I want him biblically. I want him in a way that would make Jesus himself rise from the ground and punch me in the throat. Then Jesus would see this man and join in instead.

Fucking. I keep getting comments like ‘How would you know his character better than the author?’ And ‘Just cause you don’t have the kink doesn’t make it heteronormative:/‘ and I don’t vibe with it. I realise y’all couldn’t utilise reading comprehension enough to get through the original post, so this might not help cause you’re still illiterate, but maybe it’ll send you in the right direction.

(Yeah it was only two people and three comments, but I’m nipping this in the bud because I would rather rip my own eyes out of my head and bury them in my garden than actually try and debate barely-literate heterosexuals.)

Firstly, I don’t claim to know MXTX’s characters better than they do. What I do claim to know, however, is how character writing works. I fucking hate the claim of ‘But how would you know it’s ooc better than the AUTHOR?’ like. An author is fully capable of writing their own characters in a way that doesn’t line up with their established personality traits. While Hua Cheng is MXTX’s character and I can’t tell them what to write, I am well within my rights to point out how little sense it makes with Hua Cheng’s established character to be some rough dom sex bully. He’s literally the most caring, devoted, protective person on the planet toward Xie Lian. Not to mention, MXTX didn’t even write him like that even in the uncensored version. There’s a way more concise explanation (with a screenshot) of this in the reblogs, but I’ll explain briefly. While there is one scene in the uncensored version where Hua Cheng is acting rough and handsy, it’s also a scene where he’s blatantly acting outside of his own control. With his normal personality, he would never even touch Xie Lian without assured consent, let along make out with him like that. Also, he was handsy. No mention of bullying, cruelty or weird dom vibes. I was misinformed when I made my original post, because of everyone’s immediate gushing about him being a borderline sexual batterer, and that’s my bad. Also see the screenshot in the aforementioned reblog, where Xie Lian recalls Hua Cheng’s voice as being gentle and without coercion. Rough dom bully top abuser Hua Cheng is not and was never confirmed- but back to the original point, yes. An audience has full rights to point out inconsistent character writing where it exist. What, do I need to flash my media literacy license. Let me on the crime scene, I work for the FBI (Fans of Book Investigation).

Secondly, what kinks I have is irrelevant to my interpretation of media. I’m actually pretty fucking kinky, and I’m super into the whole rough sex, dom top, bullying thing. I think it’s hot as shit. That being said, I was still uncomfortable with this characterisation. Why? Because the idea of the designated ‘guy’ of the relationship (to explain that, while MXTX didn’t write either of them as the ‘guy’ or ‘girl’ in the relationship -thank god- fandoms often latch onto the idea that one character, usually the one who’s taller and less meek or polite, is the guy in the relationship. That’s why the shorter and nicer one gets feminised so violently) being sexually violent and insatiable is neither new, nor a foreign idea in heteronormativity. It happens a lot; the designated ‘man’ in the relationship is constantly horny and super sexually brutish, because tHe bOyFrIeNd wAnTs sEx bUt tHe gIrLfRiEnD sAyS nO cAuSe gIrLs dOn’T gEt hOrNy oR kInKy. It’s bullshit, and y’all need to stop pretending not to notice so your faves can stay unproblematic UwU.

I don’t care what the new, uncensored versions say. Hua Cheng being a rough bully dom top in bed is too heteronormative for me to ignore how it makes no sense for his character, sorry.