When Roy Harper Meets Red Hair Jason Todd?!? 🫣😳

Bruce, giving teen!Jason the shittiest car driving lesson ever: And remember, if you still hadn't figured out how to park, and a police officer tries to fine you for that, just tell your name backwards. The CGPD has too much job to actually search for you afterwards. They will just have a pile on your name in their department. And I didn't tell you that, but their system hadn't been updated well for ages. So, they won't be able to tell for sure if you are lying about your name or not. 16!Jason, nodding: Sounds cool. Bruce: ...It is not cool, but Alfred said it works, so we listen to Alfred.

(Years later, pre-reveal)

Batman, standing on the rooftop: So, Jim... anything new? Jim Gordon: Yeah, you know, nothing, actually. Except for an asshole, whose parking fines are filling my whole fucking cabinet. He keeps putting his bike anywhere he wants, especially next to our building - an audacity! - and then, disappears after receiving a fine. I can't find him anywhere. Batman, chuckling: That's smart. Jim Gordon: Yeah, fuck him. Tason Jodd, my ass. Who fucking names their kid like that? Batman, with his smile disappearing: ...What. Jim Gordon: What? Batman: ...Jim. I need you to call me the next time this guy appears. Jim Gordon, concerned: Hey, this is just a teenager. It is fine, no need to break his spine or something- Batman: Use Bat-signal next time you see him. I am serious. Jim Gordon: ...What the hell. Sure?

Freshly adopted Jason, who is so used to taking care of his mother that the first morning in the manor, he wakes up in early hours to cook for Bruce, too.

Logically speaking, he understands that Bruce doesn't need it — he is a healthy adult, and they have Alfred — but it is six in the morning, and his mind is foggy, so he just follows his instincts. Maybe he does not even realise that mom is not here, after all.

Alfred finds him in the weakly dimmed kitchen when he finishes his walk around the Manor before starting with his chores. He is amused at first, stopping quietly behind the child. He is doing great (that's a surprise since Dick intentionally just stirred more trouble), and Alfred can't help but smile a little.

'Good morning, master Jason. If you are hungry, you should wake me up the next time. I promise to take care of you.'

Jason blinks owlishly, still awfully sleepy. His eyes are barely opened, his hands working on the automat.

'Breakfast,' he mumbles, frowning a little. 'For mom- I mean, for dad.'

Alfred's smile falters. His original impression shifts in a late realisation.

Oh.

'Master Jason, you shouldn't really-'

'Finished,' he yawns, putting a one — just one, nothing for himself at all — plate in front of Alfred.

It is a very simple dish, scrambled eggs with some black paper and toasted bread — but not even made in a toaster, just on the pan; this kid probably doesn't know how to use toasters. It smells nice, Alfred compliments mentally.

'Can you-' He yawns. 'Pass to-'

And then little Jason falls asleep helplessly, falling right in Alfred's arms. He catches him, of course. This boy weighs nothing at all.

'Hey, Al,' Bruce sticks his head in the kitchen, no less sleepy. 'What is going on?'

Alfred explains to Bruce what happened, and he is no less distraught. He helps him to put Jason in the bed and eats all the breakfast he prepared, with a mixture of delight and despair.

And when Jason wakes up, embarrassed by the faint memories of the early morning, Alfred puts a big plate in front of him, filled with so much food that his big blue eyes light up instantly.

'Bon appetite, master Jason,' he smiles. 'Your cooking had passed my personal standards for a cook. You are a good soldier.'

Jason giggles, his mouth already stuffed with bacon.

'That I am.'

And that he always will be.

Take a picture, it will last longer

Alt versions of the drawing - the main drawing was posted right before this. <3

Damian grew up listening to Jason telling stories of his time with Bruce, and being the competitive little shit that he is decides he has to one up the guy once he gets to Gotham. this leads to him waiting until the perfect opportunity and proceeding to steal the tires off not just the batmobile, but all the vehicles in the cave. he pulls it off perfectly and he’s incredibly proud of it UP UNTIL Dick and Tim start panicking that Jason Todd’s vengeful ghost is clearly haunting the cave and is clearly agitated at Damian being the new Robin- after all, he only started fucking with things after Damian took the mantle, so he must have disapproved, right?

after two weeks he has to call Jason, scuffing his feet on the ground and gritting his teeth as he explains the situation.

“….what.”

directing his glare to the ceiling, Damian stubbornly repeats, “Grayson and Drake will no longer let me in the cave. they believe that your ghost is angry with me and are afraid you will become agitated by my presence there.”

“…” he waited impatiently for Jason’s response. “well how the fuck did you manage that?”

“your brothers are imbeciles.”

“first of all i’ve not even seen Tim since he got taken in, i met him like once when i was thirteen at a gala when we took turns trying to throw olives into an old lady’s handbag from the balcony above, he is more your brother than mine,” Damian rolled his eyes, tapping his foot and peeking out from behind the curtain he was hiding behind to call from, ensuring Alfred wasn’t nearby. “second of all why the fuck would they immediately assume i want you gone? didn’t they wonder why i didn’t start haunting the cave when the replacement took my mantle?”

“you’re acting like there should be logic behind any of this. i stole some tires and now they think your spirit wants me dead.”

“just tell them you took the tires.”

“but then i’d be caught and my mission would be a technical failure.”

“sucks to suck.”

Jason was not much help.

he was even less help when he came to Gotham and, in between establishing himself as an anonymous crime lord in Crime Alley, starts fucking breaking into the batcave to move shit about and leave threatening messages claiming that ‘the ghost of Robin is displeased with Damian’

Damian is this fucking close to just revealing Red Hood’s identity. on the plus side Tim is having the ego boost of his life learning that his successor’s ghost was ok with his Robin but not Damian’s. he’s been on a permanent high for the past month and it’s not going down any time soon.

Bruce is just sick of Dick sobbing through seance attempts while he’s trying to work at the batcomputer.

forgot to post full image

Clark: YOU LET A CHILD BECOME A VIGILANTE?!

Bruce: What, you wanted me to say no?

Bruce: How can you say no to that face?

Bruce: Look.

Bruce: *Holds Robin in front of him* Try saying no to that face.

Robin: :)

Clark, genuinely trying: …

Bruce: That's what I thought.

Daddy issues... son issues??

Jason: Can a parent have daddy issues?

Tim: Obviously. They-

Jason: No I mean can they have daddy issues for their child?

Tim: What the actual heck are you on about?

Jason: Because I SWEAR Bruce has daddy issues for Dick.

Tim: WHAT? WHAT?!! What the actual-

Jason: No, think about it. Someone with daddy issues has: Fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting a partner, feeling insecure in a relationship, being clingy or possessive, needing constant reassurance, being easily jealous or suspicious, and attracting abusive partners.

Tim: *panicking* Hold-

Jason: *on a roll* NO. Bruce literally stalks dick and gets mad and scared over him leaving, he doesn't trust his robins to meet his standards, he constantly trauma-dumps on Alfred about his and Dick’s relationship, and he’s super clingy and possessive when it comes to Dick—like, look at the Titans! He’s obsessed. He literally asks Dick if things are alright between them CONSTANTLY. Abusive partners? I don't mean to talk shit about Talia and Selina but they're literally villains.

Tim: *having a crisis*

Jason: Bruce Wayne- the first man to have daddy issues... in reverse.

Tim: *whimpering* Please stop talking.

Jason: ...But wait... all these things... doesn't Dick have some of them too?!

Tim: NO!

Jason: *speeding up* No, no.. HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CYCLE! Bruce is feeding into Dick's issues and Dick is feeding into Bruce's because Bruce is looking for validation from Dick and Dick is looking for validation in Bruce and they-

Tim: *frantically calling* KON, COME PICK ME UP. I'M SCARED.

Simple Crime ally child

after Dick being less than happy with being Jason’s older brother for so many years, i think Jason finding out about Damian and deciding fuck it it’s HIS turn to terrorise a younger sibling would be so funny. Damian is so sick of this man. Jason doesn’t even get to try having a secret identity because upon seeing him in Gotham Damian gets so tired so quickly that he outs him without thinking.

Batman: who are you?

Red Hood: *opens his mouth to say some kind of mysterious threat*

Robin, landing on the roof: Batman, i have successfully- OH GOD FUCK JASON NO. NO. GO HOME. GO BACK TO MOM. NO. NO.

Batman:

Red Hood:

Robin, turning to Batman: TELL HIM TO GO AWAY HE’S GOING TO START PUTTING SALT IN MY WATER AGAIN

Batman: …Jason?

Red Hood: Damian you little bitch i’ll put hair dye in your shampoo for this