I Hope You Heal From The Things No One Ever Apologized For

viv also talked about going through panic attacks and/or depression for years in a dutch magazine. she said club’s psychologist helped a lot esp this season & shes ok now.

https://miedema-evans.tumblr.com/post/686438002639224832/vivianne-miedema-helden-magazine

“I was always the first to walk away from sessions with a psychologist at the Dutch national team. Always said: I don’t believe in this. In fact, when I heard the word 'psychologist’, I thought: I’ll stay away from you. When I arrived at Arsenal, a new psychologist had just started with whom I also didn’t click. After six months a new woman came, I had a good feeling about that. That was a first step. Still, it took me a year to admit: I think I might need you after all…

Thanks to that psychologist I was able to process things from my life, both football and private related. I used to shut myself off from feelings, I didn’t have time for them, wanted to keep going. That came out in different ways. At the 2015 World Cup in Canada, I was under a lot of stress and suffered from migraines. In those few weeks I lost six kilos. After the European Championship in 2017, I suffered from panic attacks. On the football field, when I was at home, wherever. If it was a severe attack, I had trouble breathing. After a panic attack, I couldn’t do anything for three days, then I lay flat on the couch, and I had to regularly skip football practice. But most of the time it happened just when we had some time off. Even if I had the feeling that my body was no longer cooperating or was very tired, I could panic.

It’s good that I bumped into that wall and started talking about my feelings. It’s not that I’ll never have panic attacks or feel anxious again. I still feel bad when I have to get on the tube to central London. Underground, really hot, way too many people… I really think: what am I doing here? But what do you want, I come from Hoogeveen. I had never been on a bus before, now I have to go underground…

When I also have a hard time, it is when suddenly the whole planning is thrown upside down. We get our schedule on Monday. If that suddenly changes on Thursday, then I think it’s terrible and I have to calm myself down. In the meantime I have learned to deal better with these types of panic attacks. It will never go away completely, but if I have an attack now, I can function for the rest of the day.

Last month I had my last session with the psychologist. If there is one thing I should be proud of in my life, it is the journey that I have embarked on with her. For the first time in my career I was able to be more myself at Arsenal this year. My teammates didn’t know what had hit them. They get to know me better, because I’m open. I am understood. They see: Viv is not as gruff and closed as she seems. And that’s up to me, you know, that they’re only seeing that now. I have never opened up to others. When I’m on the football field, I’m tough, I can be a bitch. Off the pitch I’m one of the biggest softies out there, I cry regularly, I’m an emotional person and I’m not ashamed of that.

I am now open about it and try to be the same with the younger girls in the Dutch national team. I know better than anyone what it’s like to break through and deal with pressure. I can help them with that. I regularly check with them to see how things are going and they know that I am there for them. This journey with my psychologist has been more important to me than any prize.” (2021)

You deserve a calm love with someone who's good for your mental health and nervous system. Someone who brings out your soft side – not your survival side.

If I were a USWNT player, I’d be pissed and feel so disrespected and belittled. The coach saying the game plan was to settle for a draw? And to even admit that is embarrassing.

Like you’re the number one team in the world and you’re telling these players to settle for a draw? That’s just not it dude. I really can’t see you being around here long if that’s how it’s gonna be.

If it’s a great game and you lose, I wouldn’t be happy, but anything is better than this shit show waste of my time.

WHY IS THIS ME

what do you do when you're lonely?

It depends. There are different kinds of lonely, aren’t there?

There’s the quiet kind. It’s almost light. It’s the soft realisation that nobody has understood you for quite a while - in fact, you’re not really sure when you last felt understood. It settles around you like a blanket and you let it. It’s a return to familiarity.

When I feel like this, I go for a walk, or write a poem, and think a lot. Usually, I realise that it is an impossible task to expect anybody to understand me completely but I am understandable in fragments to different people at different times and that is okay. The most important thing is that I understand myself.

There is the specific kind. When you feel isolated or left out or unloved by a particular person or group of people. When you don’t understand why. When you feel that there must be something wrong with you, something different or awkward that makes you difficult to love. It’s heavy and shameful.

When I feel like this, I think about my perceived differences and realise that I have people in my life who are grateful for them. I think about whether I am truly being excluded or whether I’ve just interpreted a situation in that way because of my defense mechanisms. And I talk to my loved ones because everybody needs a reminder that they’re loveable from time to time.

Finally, there is a violent kind of lonely. It is desperate. Chronic. Hopeless. For me, it accompanies a period of being continuously misunderstood. Being called selfish when you were trying to be selfless. Being called cruel when you thought you were acting out of kindness. Being called defensive when you were trying to communicate. Being told you didn’t care when you know you did. It isolates you from everyone, even you from yourself. This is when you begin to wonder whether people really mean it when they say they love you.

I think this kind of loneliness can only be solved by looking deep inside and trusting yourself to be who you think you are. To have conviction that you are kind, and compassionate, and imperfect, but good. And to know that you are loveable because of these things.

Our goalkeeper saved three (3) PKs today. Never forget.

Why do you not like the Korrasami/Supercorp comparisons?

There's a handful of reasons, but the biggest would be the difference in culture/race and also the circumstances of the creation process of the two series.

I personally have had too many debates with people about Asami and other ATLA/TLOK characters being POC. Honestly it still baffles me that people believe that most of the characters are white and continue to believe this. This is also present in a handful of Asami/Lena comparisons and Korrasami/Supercorp comparisons. Obviously not all posts are like this, but a good amount are either explicitly or implicitly implying that Asami is a white woman. So often media will whitewash characters and the public will be vocal about a black person being whitewashed. But when an Asian character is whitewashed or racebent, there isn't as much vocal outcry. This can be seen in a handful of movie and series adaptations of Asian source material. So when people specifically compare the two characters and say that Katie McGrath would be the perfect Asami, I personally find it extremely problematic.

Another issue overall between the Korrasami = Supercorp idea is that people are often taking two women of color and plopping them down into an, honestly, stereotypical white world where there is a lack of POC and culture (I haven't watched past season 3 so this could have changed in some way). Korra and Asami break so many molds when it comes to POC stereotypes, that it's really difficult personally to see them compared to characters that come from the Supergirl Universe.

Finally the idea of "will supergirl writers have the guts to do this..." is so stomach turning. The Legend of Korra came out in 2012 and aired its last episode in 2014. In 2014 same sex marriage was not legal across the USA. It wasn't until midway through 2015 that it became legal. This means that the writing for Korrasami needed to be done in very specific ways to even be broadcasted through Nickelodeon. When it comes to Supergirl, there are no limitations like that, only the producers/executives and even the cast. So to even think that the Supergirl writers needed to "pull a Korrasami", the queerbaiting, and the problematic comments that some of the Supergirl cast have made in the past is honestly really disappointing and furthers my dislike of the two series, characters, and couple being compared.

Yes we can look at similarities of the characters' circumstances and personalities, but this is surface level. If we get down to the nitty gritty and really delve into the nuances of Korrasami = Supercorp, there are a lot of underlying issues.

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”

— Nayyirah Waheed

hip checked her so hard, her headband went flying lol

Happy Supercorp Sunday!!

Finally got to share my piece for @supercorpzine ♥️

It was my first time contributing so I was a little nervous but eventually everything turned out wonderful.

Everyone did such an amazing job <3