Latest Posts by studio-stephen - Page 2

my father the ghost

doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what

my recipe for drawing hands!

(small note that this is a shortcut that is more abt style and ease than anatomical accuracy. it helps to take time to really properly study hands, makes it easier to bend the rules a bit like this and have it still look good!!)

(learn rules b4 u break them or whatevah)

First time joining artfight :D here's my line-up

artfight.net

Art Fight

An art trading game

A cute guy likes me on a dating app. After chatting with them for weeks, we decide to go on a date. They are very flirtatious and forward over the app, but not when we meet in person. He admits he thought I was transmasc like him, we laugh about it because his mistake is funny and means I'm not passing but in a silly backwards way. I think his sudden awkwardness in person may be nervousness and flirt with him in ways less forward and aggressive than he'd been flirting with me earlier, and they become cold and distant for the rest of the date. By the time I get home they've blocked me on the app we met on. This case of being mistaken as a transmasc on a dating app will happen 3 more times, and in 2/3 times it results in a similar sudden lack of interest where once they were coming on to me. None of these people will be cis.

I am in a self defense class for queer people, learning hand to hand combat as a community. I have been here months. I notice I'm the only transfem in the classes but there are other trans people there so I don't think much of it. Today I have some stubble as I did not have time to shave before the early morning class. When discussing unrealistic action movie and anime fight scenes I describe on of my favorites, quoting the lines as I pantomime the goofy moves. They smile and laugh along until the word bitch leaves my lips in one quote, then the bisexual woman who only ever they/thems me glares at me like I've committed a grevious crime, and the rest of the class looks at me like a freak in awkward silence for a moment before moving on. I learn bitch is not a word a clocky bitch can "reclaim". I am quiet in classes now, and when I go I focus primarily on the training, when I see other trans women try it out they often give me a sad look and do not return for a second class. I get a sinking feeling that if I ever use this training to save my life one day I'd be branded a violent man instead of a strong woman.

I am texting with a good friend of years who was one of the people who helped me realize I was trans like them and even the one who helped pick out my name loves talking about our shared interests and sharing their favorite smut with me. We bond over favorite stories, artists, characters, and kinks as well as our trans experience. Yet they constantly tell me they could never date someone who's AMAB because of the trauma of being "female socialized" and their genital preferences for vulvas. Every compliment they have ever given me on my appearance or outfit is followed up by "but in a non-sexual way, I could never date you". Today I finally have the courage tell them they don't need to say that every time. They ignore this response. We keep talking for awhile, but they start taking months to respond to my messages and respond with a short sentence at most. They no longer share details about their life and shut me out when I ask or share details about mine, even the most mundane and chaste details. I stop talking to them. A birthday gift I bought them months before this falling out happened looms at me in my closet. I cannot use it as it doesn't fit me but can't bring myself to throw it away, just in case we reconcile one day. I feel pathetic for craving friendship with someone who sees me as "abuser-bodied", that so much of my early stages would've been impossible without their help. I feel a little more lost without them.

I am at a queer/trans/enby kink dance party with some friends. I am scantily clad and wearing a skirt and high heeled boots. I do not pass well so this space is one of the few places I feel safe and free dressing like this. It is packed with queer and trans people just like me engaged in delightful debauchery and wearing very little. The music hurts my ears but I'm happy to be here, I feel overstimulated but alive and authentic. I am approached by a beautiful stranger from across the dance floor, she is graceful and stylish, like some modern Galadriel clad in leather, white lace, and industrial piercings with impeccable voice training. She compliments my outfit, I compliment hers. She tells me I need to shave my armpits if I want to look like a real woman. My two friends stand up for me and yell at her. They assure me she was just being an asshole, that women were supposed to be hairy, but I can't help but notice how both of them have hairy armpits and yet the "advice" targeted me. The wide range of bodies that people here tonight find desirable on cis women don't seem to apply to the women like me. I am the only one of us that doesn't go home with a hookup at the end of the night. I realize now she likely spoke from experience. I am still hurt by her words, but realizing the kinds of experiences she must have had herself to feel her words were kind advice hurts far worse.

A local queer photographer who's work I follow is looking for women & non-binary models for a photoshoot. I have become comfortable with getting photos taken of me for the first time in my life since my egg cracked, and had a few small time modeling gigs under my belt. With something like this I could actually have the beginnings of a portfolio. I reach and am told that they are not looking for trans women models, "only women and AFABs". Getting the same line I get from agencies from an independent queer photographer repackaged in "woke" terminology stings. I see many queer and nonbinary models I looked up to take part in the shoot. I have to wonder if they knew that the photographer's definition of woman didn't include trans women, or if like me in my martial arts class they noticed no transfems were there but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there.

It is years ago and I am still an egg. I am with my partner of 4 years. I am exhausted after a long day. She asks me for sex in the voice that I know means saying no will hurt her. I learned from her long ago men have high and insatiable sex drives, therefore saying no meant I wanted to have sex, just not with her. So I say yes. The sex is painful and unsatisfying, and I simply do my best to thrust through the discomfort until she cums. I feel numb and hurt. She enjoys herself but seems sad I did not cum. I assure her I love her. When we hold eachother after my obligation has been met and I finally feel comfortable and safe. We begin talking. She talks about the trashy women she saw on the street today, describing their cringe outfits and ugly styles and bad hair. All the styles and clothes and hair I yearn to try myself in my deepest and most repressed desires. I change the subject and ask her about work and family. She asks if I'd still love her if she were a man and I say yes. She says she would still love me if I were a woman. Something in that statement feels like a lie. It is months later when we break up and I move out. Now that I am a woman I look back and know from our years together that if I were a woman then she'd hate the kind of woman I'd become. That if I were a woman she'd still have the same expectations of me as a man, that her refusal of sex equated an impersonal not being in the mood but my refusal of sex equated a cruel refusal of love.

A lesbian group begins organizing a queer woman's strip night event. A safe place for amateur performers to shine and women to perform and enjoy sexuality away from the male gaze. I see no transfems in the promotional material or leadership team, and I've learned not to think nothing of it just because there are other trans people there. I do not go.

I am talking with my therapist. They are trans too and an amazing therapist, often providing insights and advice only someone else with the lived experience of being trans can. I express distress and suicidal ideation at the fact I feel like I need to pass before I can dress the way I want. That until I get expensive hair removal procedures and FFS I can never feel safe and welcome presenting authentically. I lament how these things are expensive and may never be accessible to me. They tell me I need to deal with my "internalized transphobia", as if these feelings aren't a result of constant rejection and othering by external forces even within queer spaces. As if the scrap of womanhood others sometimes acknowledge in me does not rely on their perceptions of me.

There is a publication accepting works from trans people of all stripes to document trans experiences. It gets flamed for not having a single transfem as a contributor. The people behind it apologize profusely, they say didn't notice no transfems had sent work in and would do a sequel publication that was transfem-centric. I wonder if anyone had noticed there were no transfems but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there. I think about the kinds of spaces I've seen like that, and the implications it has about how they treat transfems, and I am unsurprised no transfems submitted.

One of my closest friends for years is very supportive of me when I first begin crossdressing and experimenting with they/them pronouns. She gives me suggestions on cute clothes to wear and takes me shopping as well as asks for pictures. We had helped eachother discover we were both queer as young teens, come to terms with it, and navigate it in a hostile environment, so I have complete trust. We are close enough we are frequently asking eachother advice on serious life choices & relationships, sending nudes for critique + tips before sending them to our partners, and sharing our most secret and vulnerable moments. She often asks me for tips on getting her straight boyfriends into pegging and crossdressing that make me slightly uncomfortable but I don't mind, she is a loyal friend I would endure a great many discomforts for. I host a lunch for us one day, and come out to her as a trans woman. I tell her my new name, say I no longer use he/him pronouns, and thank her for her support on my journey thus far. She launches into a monologue about how by changing my name I am throwing away all our memories together and spitting in the face of my family. Taken aback by her sudden heel turn after being so supportive of me being nonbinary and GNC, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to get a break and give her some time to process. When I am in the bathroom trying not to cry, she is on the phone. I overhear her misgendering me as she is talking about me being bisexual in a frightened voice. She sounds truly afraid that I intend to be sexually violent towards her. When I leave the bathroom and sit back down I pretend not to have heard. She gets off the phone, saying she was just chatting with her boyfriend. We talk a bit longer, she explains how "the surgery" is dangerous and experimental and she hopes I won't get it. I assure her I won't and do my best to change the subject and hope she comes around after some time to process things, hurt and shocked that what I saw as a natural shift in the path I was already on marked me as frightening in her eyes after knowing eachother for over a decade. That a fellow bisexual suddenly saw my bisexuality as dangerous now that I was asserting myself as a trans woman. I say goodbye to her, and she says goodbye to me using my deadname, I do not risk an argument to correct her. It is months after the meeting we have not seen eachother since and she has not responded to any messages I sent. After reflecting on her reaction further I decide that I don't really want to spend time with someone who thinks these things about me for my own safety and mental health, regardless of our history. A friend of 14 years who supported my queerness and transness gone the instant I crossed an intangible woman-shaped line that marked me as a predator and invader in her eyes.

I log online and day after day see trans women getting banned and harassed. Seeing baseless callout posts calling them groomers and abusers getting taken seriously by other queer and trans people. Seeing proof that deep down so many people I consider kindred spirits see me and people like me as worthy of intense scrutiny and policing to keep "the queer community" safe and united. The blocklist grows but everything stays the same. I treasure the people in my life who don't take part in this and would do anything for them, but it seems they get fewer each time.

I'm not making this post to seek sympathy, I am used to this kind of shit and far worse has happened to myself and others. I just make this to illustrate transmisogyny is not some "online-only" issue like people claim. Even if online issues weren't "real" (as healed is fond of saying, "online is real") this has tangible effects in the way trans women are treated offline as well. By communities, friends, partners, colleagues, systems, etc. That's why we talk about it.

So much of the discussions people have paint transmisogyny as some online oppression olympics maliciously trying to divide the community, smear transmascs, and "reinvent bioessentialism". That is not what it is about. Discussions about transmisogyny is about how we are treated for being what we are, and while related to transphobia and misogyny it is seperate because it often represents doors other trans people and women can walk through that transfems cannot. It has affected me in my most intimate moments when I was with other trans and queer people I felt safe around, and taught me that I need to carefully manage my persona and presentation at all times lest my authenticity be branded "male socialization". I am even terrified to express attraction to people who express attraction towards me because I'm so used to being treated like a predator upon reciprocating or being used and abandoned by people I trusted. I am terrified to be too excited about shared interests with friends lest I be too loud or talkative about it and branded with aggressive male socialization. So I make myself quiet and small, and shrink from the community and people I care about, and become more and more isolated.

Anyways, stop platforming anons who spread lies about trans women, stop hopping on TERF harassment campaigns because the trans gal they're smearing "gave you bad vibes", and maybe consider carefully if in your own life where you draw the line for a transfem's behavior is any different from where you'd draw the line for anyone who's not one.

wheres pepito?

Have no fear!! Pepito's cuddled up with his Tia Leo ^^

Tho I do admit given the pose there's little of him visible

Adios mi hijos <3 You will all be missed so much.

Finally finished this :,D Exams were kicking my ass but I was finally able to put some time into this.

summer of junior year 06/11

“The lighting of a second candle does not diminish the first. Knowledge is something that when you share it, there is just more. There’s no scarcity.”

this moment at the end of this interview with hank green really cemented how much of a hero brennan is to me like it literally made me cry!! It speaks so much to his worldview which is so generous and accommodating. Sir you are my hero ;-;;

Please watch the full interview! Genuinely so eye-opening and insightful!!!

round of applause to tubbo for winning The first qsmp member to do a stream with their egg admin award

WIP For a big piece I'm working on for the eggos. I figured out that when I get really sad, I make art harder on myself. So now we have 1. Difficult perspective 2. Background (in my art? Crazy) 3. 11 characters in one scene

I miss them so freaking much you have no clue dudes

thanks TMAGP 15 for confirming that British people do use Nellie the elephant to do CPR

signed,

a d20 fan who was surprised to learn this is a thing from Siobhan on the Adventuring Party

POV you're an externals liaison

Alice checking her bereal like

sunny and em :]

GUYS I'VE BEEN FOUND OMG DFGKGVLMDFGBVG O_O Never would've thought this is possible..

@which-qsmp-egg-would o/ Hello thank you for the kind words, love your polls so much!!! I partake in any I see around!!

Here's an updated lineup for all the eggos and the redesigns I did for them! :D Some of them changed a lot, some not so much.

I'm planning on making 3D Sculpts of these designs over the summer so having good 2D designs was important.

Also my headcanon height measurements :3 Leo being the tallest (them dad Foolish genes), then Dapper, Ramon, Tallulah, Chay, Pomme, Richas, Empananda, Sunny, little Pepito and Chunsik.

Not to forget it was Riz who first told Jawbone about the counselor position in the first place!!

Just imagine Kipperlilly rolling up to the new guidance counsellors office after the pervious one got killed to bring back some kids to life. And she sits there complaining about not having a tragic backstory since every rouge needs a tragic backstory, and that it’s so unfair that Riz has one. He’s got a dead dad, a mom who over works, a missing baby sitter, and he’s poor. And she’s got a pretty much perfect white picket fence life. And all the while the werewolf guidance counsellor who stays as half wolf as a from of a political statement, who less than a few weeks ago was a drug dealer and super down on his luck and life was just over all bad for him has to be like “hmm yea unfair… how about your adventuring skills?”

Fuck it, all our kids might be mia but at least Cucurucho's got a kid now too. This is a quick design so might get changed when we get to know them a little better :)

Fear avatars your guys

Choosing who’d be what was outrageous

MISSPELT LONELY

THEYRE FINALLY DONE IM SO HAPPY!!!!!! My Carnaval QSMP egg set is FINALLY finished!!!

Literally so happy with how these guys turned out <33

inspired by boop day, reblog this post if its ok for people to send you random asks and interact on your posts with no judgement. i want to talk to people.

Commision work!! Look at her, she's so feral, such a cool character I got to draw!

And then nothing bad happened ever

Glad to be part of the club!! :D

The new chapter of my current WIP is getting so beefy man it's going to take ages. It's all gonna be worth it though, this shit is so angsty you wouldn't believe.

The new chapter of my current WIP is getting so beefy man it's going to take ages. It's all gonna be worth it though, this shit is so angsty you wouldn't believe.

Reblog to kill it faster

Corrupted

I feel like part of what's "wrong" with q! Tubbo now that he's back is that he's lost any filter he had before. The careful and subtle rp that we're used to is right in our face now and and dialled up to a 100%.

Before dying all of his real feelings and thoughts would be kept so close to his chest and now every. single. thought is said aloud. The good, we're used to, Tubbo can be impulsive when he wants to. But the bad? The thoughts about dying? About his insecurities? How he feels like people don't like or care about him?

Normally he wouldn't be so blunt about it like he is now.

The fact that we're known for that and only that makes me so sad when in reality being on here has been the most fun I've had interacting with a fandom in a long while. The amount of love and understanding that I've seen on here for the cc's is incredible and if some weirdo has a weird take I'll see a bunch of posts saying how we would spread positivity, respect everyone involved in both fandom and the content creation and to stop being shitty.

I have to say I never was into twitter and it's reputation put me off of ever trying it. I migrated here from Instagram and it's been my favourite platform to post fanart for QSMP. Y'all are just so sweet it's so sad that they only see us as those few shitty posts.

Qsmpblr has become infamous for extreme hating on Tubbo constantly both by ccs and qsmptwt. The amount of people saying it’s always Tumblr, or the tumblr crows are so terrible they run the whole place, or that’s why I never want to use tumblr, or laughing about how Tubbo’s always on qsmpblrs mind.

QSMP prison babies!!!!!!

In my never-ending quest to make every egg version, it was only a matter of time before I did their prison skins <333

I love thems,,,,,