“I Do NOT Have Slugs On My Face!”

"Is that an actual certified citrus fact? Hey that's my band name."

"I got so distracted by lesbians I forgot the point of the story!"

"Can you overdose on starch?"

“Are you sure you’re a human being? You have no belly button.”

-My aunt to my grandma

“Karl Marx was a frickin’ babe.”

-A very strange person who was once sent the entire communist manifesto and just replied “hot”

“Elizabeth, what’s your name?”

-my mother

“I am a thot and Thor.”

“Jaffa cakes are terrifying!”

-My friend, who is genuinely scared of the orange part of Jaffa cakes

“Why does February have, like, no days??”

-Someone I used to think was smart

"Lungs are probably everywhere"