I’m In For The Ride

Tree

Sometimes I feel like a tree

A tree with little wings that rustle in the wind

I have taken to hating bird brains

Being paralyzed with tension there's nothing I can do when they shit on me

Sometimes I like the rain

I like the washing

It also quenches my thirst

And keeps me sane

I love the cooler air

That sways me,

Unrhythmically

Blowing through my hair

People don’t like rain when it fills up their shoes

I don’t have feet

But I have plenty of rings

And no one I’d like to choose

I dream of flying away

To find a whole new world

My roots are too big

I feel like a tree by the end of the day

Sometimes I feel hurt because of love that is young

What is the point of them carving into me?

Yet their love dies long before I ever will

And on some days I miss where they once swung

On those days I shed a little sap

Hoping new things will stick to my bark

Like a new swing or a new summer fling

On those days I don’t mind the bird crap

Sometimes I flunk

And grow more knots

And become more twisted

On those days I think that I’d prefer to be trunk

Sometimes I feel that I'm not fair to my roots

As they hold me,

I try to strangle myself with them

More than ever, the wise owls give me disapproved hoots

Sometimes I feel like a tree

As the giving tree, I have found limits to my giving

I only give up and never give down

I feel like a tree, stuck to the ground but growing up with reality

Brother

Dear brother,

Where did you go?

You used to wave at me when I was in the hallway

You used to wave at me when you sat in the gym because I had no friends

But you were there on the bleachers reading

I still wonder in amazement; how did you get your teacher to let you do that?

You used to save me from a teacher who needed to retire

You used to save me before bus 19 left so I'd get on the right one

Do you remember when you'd make me laugh by pretending you were in the circus?

You'd walk on old alcohol barrels,

That were once red, now pink and faded by the sun

Then you went off to college and started a new chapter

I'm sorry I put grass in the pool,

When you told me to stop

I'm sorry I threw a plastic beach basket at your face,

And caused you to get a nose bleed

I'm sorry I screamed at you while I was drawing a picture

You are really good at pushing my big red button that specifically says DO NOT PUSH!

Why must you be a programmer that finds my buttons and knows how to easily access my control panel?

I'm sorry I didn't and couldn’t give you the space you wanted to reach the planets

I'm sorry I kicked and screamed at your closed door

I just wanted to build a snowman

And have fun

I missed you then and I miss you now

Oh Brother, what shall I do?

You know that pathetic hug I gave you?

That's because sometimes I think you don't care about me

I sometimes think when you're in San Francisco California you never think of me

Of how we'd joke we'd run away to Californ-i-a

Marble

Our time is 5:07

It's my heaven

Don't you ever doubt that you are my friend

Shall I make you say it again?

You know what I mean

Please spill the beans

I’ve heard that before but I don't know where

Sorry, but I don't dare

I can't hurt you, I won't sugarcoat it with extra fluff

You've already been hurt enough

I like writing misery, you like science

But 5:07 is our compliance

I refuse to lose my marble

This one is really garbled

Garbled and hard to understand, without a doubt

I like it when you freak out

It means you care

My tall teddy bear

Now you know that I can't even sneeze

And all you could say was, "oh jeez"

Oh but that guy, Brad

She's mad

To make her day

She wishes that certain people would get out of the way

She's befuddled

I'm befuddled

When she smiles

I sit back and watch for awhile

For you I will never stop

Until I'm at the top

That rock wall, for you I will climb

Because 5:07 is our time

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

Inside

The past is the past

It may not have been the best

Let’s just leave it at that

But soon I'll be free from this wrecked nest

Right now it's not fun

It's those memories

I should hurry up, get over it and be done

Families that feel like enemies

The stares that pierce through you

They judge

But they don't have a clue

Their stubborn heads won't budge

I now look forward, so don't make me look back

I will be better someday

I won the treasure by slapping the jack

I didn't mean it like that way

No one to trust

No one to hold and clutch

Heat full of tumble weeds and dust

Not even a love touch

I was invisible

They didn't care

But anything is live-able

So I built my own lair

They didn't pay attention either

Suck it up and deal

Never got a breather

No one cares how I really feel

Say that you love me then break me like a china plate

Why did you make me sit on a towel?

Well now you're too late

Never had good bowels

Always felt out of place

I'm sorry but some things can't be forgiven

After things happened I don't feel safe

But I'm going to keep on live'n

Always felt different and weird

In a bad way

I tried to make all of it disappear

Nobody I wanted ever stayed

Tears roll'n down my cheek

They hit the floor like glass

The feelings that are deep down are antique

It can happen that fast

I've learned how to turn myself into a rock

Always picking up my own head

It causes me to have writers block

While people eat the meat, I don't whine and take the bread

No one cared if my head drooped down

I was forced to walk alone

They ignored me when one my face there was a frown

That's when my heart turned to stone

Tiramisu

I met a women named sue

She had ladyfingers that created the best of messy handwriting

And she drank coffee

She was guiding me

And she was sometimes Tyranny sue

But I loved that she knew, what she was doing

When she mentioned that she was leaving

She saw into my eyes and saw the tear in me

Sue…oh Sue

After she was gone

She caused a hole,

A tear in me Sue

Your Insults Are Shitty

Your insults are shitty

But I'm wittier. Why?

Because I belong to the comeback committee

You’ve changed your way

You were kidding before but now you mean what you say

And for reasons, I stay

I'm a willing fool

Just to be somewhat cool

In my uncool way of being uncruel

The volume on my thoughts is too loud

It's like a big obnoxious crowd

But I like it loud and I'll wear my thoughts like a stereo system, proud

You keep trying to put me in my spot

But you're not

Because I don’t have one, so you might want to change that thought

Rubbing yourself like an eraser in my face

Wont erase,

Me and my bigger, better chase

You make sure that I know that I'm annoying and gross

Maybe you need to up your none existent dose

Or have your fire put out with a fire hose

Because you aren’t doing it for my own good

You're not being a friend how a friend should

In this type of hood

I thought you knew that we have to stick together

Just like how I made your essay better

I try to give you all but you choose to wear her sweater

I Want To Go Home

Trapped in my room that is myself,

Due to avoidance

Of

Feeling like and impostor in the house I live in

I know that I don’t belong

But I have nowhere else to go

I want to go home

But home is nothing more than a concept,

That I imagine in only my dreams

It’s hard to go home

When,

I haven’t discovered where home is

This is why I want to travel the world

When I'm out of school

And when I have enough money

I want to find a home

In someone's arms

Or I could find a home in my life

There is more than one way home

There are plenty of different roads

That will lead to destiny

So I'm going to keep calling everything home

Until it feels right

And only then I shall settle down

So take my bloated belly home

Because this house isn't working with the people living in it

Let's go home

Running And Fighting

All the wrong words rhyme

This poetry thing is getting old

And it’s hard to break patterns

It’s hard to be constantly doing something that terrifies you

So here is a messy clump of words with no organization

Here’s me, and I'm not sure who I am without poetry

It might be starting to fade because I've worn it out

But I don’t want to stop

At least not yet

Poetry is the only way I am allowed to rebel

That is without suffering the consequences

Writing is my way of running and fighting

Running and fighting is all I know

Running and fighting is all human nature knows

A lack of life and sleep makes me want to quit,

Running and fighting

Should I try to make the right words rhyme,

Even if it makes me more tired?

I guess that’s what I’ll do,

To make it feel like I’m getting somewhere,

With my endless, restless, wandering…

Wandering…

           Wandering…

                       Wandering

What Summer Is To Me

Summer has helped me almost fully recover

From being brainwashed

I almost lost me

But

I'm back to dreaming

About shoeshine and smiles

Back to the taste of salty sunflower seeds

Back to the smell of chives

Back to fires

And stars

Back to believing that shoeshine and smiles

Have more value than the realists could ever understand

Back to almost being able to feel the child in me playing

As if responsibilities and time do not exist

Back to smelling sunscreen and sweat

And loving it

Back to laying in cool grass

While staring up at the clouds

Back to feeling a little bit lonely in a unique way

In a Stargirl sort of way

Back to being as chill as

A flower girl

Living barefoot

Is the way it should be

Watching plants grow and cheering them out of the dirt

Bare, raw emotions bursting out of us like our acne

Warm sun feeling so good on your skin

Dreaming sweet dreams

All the while never wanting to sleep because life is more interesting

And secretly believing in the magic of shoeshine, smiles and the healing of summer