Sunsetdreamxr - Findingmysanity

my last polaroid of 2020

part of the reason i love how bell hooks talks about masculinity is that she shows real compassion towards men suffering from the effects of toxic masculinity. she was conscious of how we need to unlearn the ways we talk about men + masculinity just as much as we need to unlearn the same for women + femininity. so many times ill see someone talking about toxic masculinity like (hyperbolizing here but only slightly) "these FUCKING STUPID BABY BITCHES won't MAN UP and go to a therapist!!!" and like. i get the anger. but you see feminists recreating patriarchal manhood by only promoting good behaviors through patriarchal frameworks. any use of the term "real men" is bad because it reifies the idea that manhood is a special title you must earn, and it is something possible to fail and fake. & as important as it is to promote sexual equality + the pleasure of non-cis-men, lots of people are essentially still working with the idea that men need sexual prowess to have worth but just shifting it slightly so there is more emphasis on women's pleasure. but I want cis men to think about their partners' pleasure because they care about their partners, not because they need to check a box in order to keep their man card. and don't get me started on small dick jokes– and the absolutely pitiful excuse people will use that "well, I don't believe it, but misogynistic men get upset when I say it, so it's okay!"

basically bell hooks is so fucking right. in order to create loving men we need to love men, simply for being alive, whether or not they are performing. as much as we need to actively unlearn misogyny (and we do), it's equally vital we unlearn patriarchal ways of seeing manhood. we can't just assume that taking a feminist perspective automatically means there is no work to be done there.

Why Dean Winchesters ending will never be forgiven.

(People who are giving 10* reviews DO NOT understand the depth of the individual characters. You are saying things like “the ending was perfect” and “others are just mad they didn’t get their ship.” This is simply NOT true. This essay is for you.)

It’s about every single character individually. To understand each character you must be able to understand complex psychological arcs and profound emotions. Especially Dean’s life and his story is INSANELY complex and needs days, maybe weeks to be unwrapped and analyzed in depth. To please you, I will try to write about Dean’s story without mentioning Castiel, but the simple truth is, Cas is a massive part of Deans arc.

Stop saying Dean’s death was beautiful or poignant or fitting or how it was supposed to be, ‘cause HELL it was not, it was the exact opposite. It was the worst way they could’ve ended his life and his story. It was exactly what Dean never wanted.

Dean’s childhood was highly abusive. Dean was 4 years old when he saw his mother burning alive and learned that monsters are real. In that age he developed PTSD and stopped talking. Dean had a childhood with a father that was an alcoholic and physically and mentally abusive, who had believed that Dean had a “killer instinct". When Dean was about 6 years old, John forced him into a nurturing role for Sam. In the same age Dean was forced into the soldiers role as well when John taught him how to shoot and hunt. Dean had to obey orders without questioning. If he acted “out of line,” (aka something John didn’t like) John chewed him out or left them alone. Dean was trained to be Daddy’s blunt instrument. Dean gave up his own life to keep Sam safe, because he had no other choice. More than a brother Dean had to be a father and a mother to Sam. He suppressed everything, every psychological pain, every emotion, he just lived to protect Sam and to obey as Johns blunt little soldier. Short: Dean gave up HIMSELF for Sam and John.

Now that I explained the fundamentals to you, you can understand that Dean never had anything. Everything always was just Sam. Not because he wanted to, because he was forced into it. Dean hated himself, he was suicidal. He was convinced he isn’t worthy of anything, especially not being loved. Dean never had a life for his own, never had a choice, never had a chance, never had own original thoughts, never felt safe or loved. He was used to being left. He felt like he was nothing. Worthless. He was dead inside. Broken. You can’t even imagine that level of pain and suffering. 

Dean thought that way his whole life. I am going to write that again to make this very clear: Dean thought that way his whole life. You can’t imagine the burden he carried on his shoulders, it’s a miracle he stood upright. Dean never wanted that life! He was forced into it! Dean had at least 3 very important scenes where you can clearly see how his mindset changed little by little. He wanted to change, he wanted to retire! 

Then something happened. Someone opened his eyes. Someone who saw Dean exactly the way he is, looked him into his eyes and told him the truth: He is not Daddy’s blunt instrument. He is worthy. He is loved so much that someone dies for him and only for him. Someone wants Dean to finally live his life. The life he always deserved, his own life! Someone is saying, you gave everything you had your whole life, but I am willing to give everything I have for only you. Unconditionally. Dean is shocked. How is it possible someone loves him that much? And even more: The ONLY one who ever grew outside of GOD’s control, the ONLY one that was real in his whole Chuck-written life, the only one who CHOSE to stay loved him unconditionally!?

For the first time, he understood he is not the way he saw himself his whole life. I just have to say that: Castiel was the ONLY real thing in Deans life. His confession was fundamental to Dean to finally accept his own goodness and the value of his life and love, of his identity. It was the moment of breaking free of the structure that had controlled and corrupted him his entire life. It was the only way out of his abusive and traumatizing cage to experience something for his own the very first time. For the first time in his life he has a chance. A choice! His own life! Free will, baby!

7 days. 1 rusty nail. The end.

Shocked? You should be.

any adhd kids out there that loved long (3+ hour) car rides because it gave you an acceptable excuse to stare blankly out at an ever-changing background and listen to music on loop / daydream extensively please raise your hands. i wanna check something

worth reblogging

A Beginner’s Guide to Dark Academia

tips for the baby aesthete’s out there

academia

actually study! study the things you love, the things you like, the things you know nothing about — the pursuit of knowledge lasts a lifetime, and there is so much to learn

visit your professor’s office hours! it always helps to make yourself known to your teachers (i’ve been given grade bumps and had great conversations with my university lecturers)

avoid and check yourself for the pretension that can often accompany academia — it hurts no one to be kind and mindful

delve into the realm of philosophy (for starters: metaphysics, epistemology, aesthetics) it will broaden your mind

stay late at your university library studying (if you can do so safely, preferably with a friend). university campuses feel magical in the evening

style

wear darker, muted colours

plaid coats, pants, or skirts

button-up shirts (Peter Pan collars are a bonus)

turtlenecks

tie your hair with a bow

accessorise! a vintage watch adds sophistication to any outfit. try wearing it with a ring or three

practice good posture — standing tall creates an air of elegance, confidence, and if paired with the right amount of nonchalance, mystery

media

films

dead poets society

cracks

the dreamers

thoroughbreds

breathless (à bout de souffle)

cléo from 5 to 7 (cléo de 5 à 7)

handsome devil

tv shows

gilmore girls

chilling adventures of sabrina

black mirror

the good place

the politician

books

the secret history

the picture of dorian gray

the goldfinch

the line of beauty

persuasion

the collected poems of oscar wilde 

ovid’s metamorphoses

music

listen to classical music as you sleep/read/study

you can check out this dark academia playlist for inspiration

aesthetic activities (think of this as a little checklist to get you underway as a fledgling aesthete)

make yourself tea in pretty teacups (you can find plenty in secondhand stores!)

light candles in your bedroom, and read by candlelight 

dry flowers for your room/desk

explore secondhand bookstores for old, pretty editions of novels you may or may not have heard of

give handwritten letters to your lovers/friends/yourself

wake up before the sun rises to watch dawn break

brood during a thunderstorm, and write extravagant, flowery poetry on parchment

join a secret society

exist in the real, with your books and art, and your turtlenecks and plaid coats, as a mystery. social media can give too much of you away

host an unceasing bacchanal for you and your pals

I hope this serves as a nice little guide for some of you wanting to get more into the aesthetic! There’s no real right or wrong way to go about it, these are just my suggestions from my own experience and perception of and within the community. 

Enjoy, 

Juniper x

Trueeee