Desi Dark Academia Part 2

THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER (2020—)

stem dark academia is what i aspire to be. Well maybe one day when i finish high school.Things are different here in india.

I spent most of life abroad but had to come back to india and putting it frankly it has been difficult.I used to love going to school, I had an amazing friend group which helped me grow,kind teachers who teach because they love it and not just because its their job and they have no other options but coming here, for my teenage years especially was weird.

My old school had a multi-cultural environment so i was used to dealing with many different types people but the people here were so different to 13 year old me.

That love of learning just disappears because of the amount of pressure thats thrust upon the kids here.We are expected to have our whole life figured out not to mention the tests,the absolute bias and the teachers who hate their job.

But,that being said i have met some people who make it better and my parents were a solid support.Which leads to another thing i found puzzling ,the students hatred towards their parents.I understands where it stems from as like most asian parents they have high expectations and do not give praise or support easily. To be completely honest I too have felt that way sometimes but I love spending time with parents and when I say this to other people i get odd looks.

Yes, the schooling system produces brilliant kids but they seem to have no free will,they don’t seem to have any ambitions and dreams of their own.That passion for studying just slowly slips away and i’m trying my hardest to hold on to it.

For example,I was a straight A student, top of my class but coming here everything you accomplish is just brushed aside and your treated as mediocre and dumb.That self-esteem you once had just crumples away into nothing.

Even if you get that perfect score its treated as nothing because thats the average and the thought that theres always going to be someone better than you literally haunts you every second of everyday.

And you know whats worse, the students here think that these all these horrible feelings are normal.The only reason i’m able to contrast and identify these sticking points is because i wasn’t raised here. And don’t even get me started on that peer pressure and competition.

This self-hate, anxiety and depression just fester and turn you into a completely different person.10th grade is literally just people telling you that you arent good enough or aren’t hard-working or just straight out stupid.

*deep breath**sigh*THANK YOU FOR READING MY TED TALK 

I just really needed to get that out of my system

PS:yes this may not only be in India and I know that millions of people feel the same way and in no way am I stating that you aren’t feeling the same pressure and i’m definitely not diminishing anyone else’s experiences. This is my brain dump so pls don’t judge :)

also i’m really new hiiiii guys

stem dark academia is so beautiful.

scratched notes of equations, detailed diagrams with annotations of bones & blood vessels, old notebooks containing maths problems invented & solved in a quiet afternoon.

classical music blasting from a cheap speaker. cold university dorms with posters of animal bones & carcass that were too beautiful to be passed.

debates over conservation expectations, dancing to the sound of rain after a long lecture. sleepless nights in the library, staring at a screen that no longer makes sense.

kind professors in tweed jackets & loose blouses, demonstrating how to calculate a sum, or take apart a specimen.

dirty fingernails from field work, dirty lab coats from schoolwork.

This helped me recently and you might need it as well :)

Shopping for laptops fucking sucks ‘cause I don’t know shit about computers. I’ve never had a computer with a functional webcam or microphone or the ability to play computer games made later than 2005 or a speaker that could play anything loud enough to hear from more than a foot away. How the hell should I know what I want?!

🐧 he thinks I'm a penguin????🤣💀

Your fifth most recent emoji is what your soulmate thinks about you

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seven

and my reply is

pink

because i am a girl

and pink

is a princess color.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am ten

and i like

green

because a boy told me that pink

is lame and girly.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am thirteen

and i tell them

purple

it is unique and spunky

like i want to be.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seventeen

and i just say

red

i do not say

it is bright and angry at the world

as i am

i cannot form the words to express

all of my frustrations

so i paint my lips with

rage.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty

and it’s pink

i remember the joy

of being a child

i reclaim the freedom

of femininity

because i cannot remember

what my shoulders felt like

before the depression

hung from them.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty-six

and my answer is

brown

it confuses most people

they don’t see it

they may think of dirt

and dust

and dead things

but it is coffee with friends

and the chocolate chip cookies

my mom used to make.

it is my hair

and my eyes

amber and gold

in the sun

and i love myself

again

my last polaroid of 2020

May the gods be with me I really needed this

Reblog for good luck on your exams

Okay, you need to make sure you play this game at some point. Maybe not today or anything, because you’ll need about thirty minutes and a serious willingness to understand how it works, but - it’s so worth it. It’s basically an answer to our occasional frustration - why do assholes always come out on top? - and the beautiful thing about it is that not only does it explain how that happens, but also how we can change it.

“In the short run, the game defines the players. But in the long run, it’s us players who define the game.”