What If Instead Of A Big Haunted House Being Called A Haunted Mansion It Was Called A 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂

Maxine Minx the woman that you are

I love the character trope that just goes: Sharp teeth, fish/bug eyes, socially inept ESPECIALLY when it's in the horror genre

like wdym this is bro

fat men are so hot

I love you fat men

im so funny hahahaha

Every time I listen to Inbred by Ethel Cain I think of TCM; Specially the 2003/2006 franchise but I guess the others work just as well. Especially:

"You get off on innocence, so you savor this Does your baby know her daddy's a rapist? He hates the way you look at me You're already dead, you're already dead

If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about

You can't win 'em all Who knows how much longer I'll lay on the floor? Touch me 'til I vomit I'm not scared of God, I'm scared he was gone all along (oh, oh)

Who will take the fall? Who of us is stronger? You'll just want it more If you could, you'd have fought it, but you know you're not From the start, they knew you were wrong, you were wrong"

____

IS THIS NOT TCM?? HELLO?? DOES THIS NOT AUTOMATICALLY REMIND YOU OF HOYT AND THOMAS??

The section mentioned above really really reminds me of Hoyt. The line "If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about" reminds me of the distinction of Hoyt versus Charlie. @demphen hints at this in their fic, Darkest Hour {which is phenomenal, it's a good read🫀,} Hoyt and Charlie are almost two "entities" living in one vessel. Charlie's vessel. I like to think Charlie was permanently altered after the war; As would anyone after experiencing such trauma. I think the town dying, Thomas losing his job, and killing the sheriff was what finally did it. What finally "killed" Charlie. Charlie was hanging by a thread; clawing at the shell which once was his, desperately trying to restore the lifeline only to be shut out and 'killed' once the sheriff was too. The one thing keeping the town inline; Keeping Charlie inline, was gone. Hoyt realized {and maybe always knew} that the "protectors" never cared about his family. Back to how this relates to the Inbred lyrics; It almost feels like Hoyt waking up within Charlie. Charlie is in there, we can see "him" when he talks to the family. But as soon as things go rogue, Hoyt 'awakens.' If he = Hoyt; Wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about = someone gets hurt. This is LITERALLY like the hitchhiker scene in the 2003 remake !! "He's a bad man, he's a really bad man -- you're all gonna die."

This song also reminds me of Thomas; Specifically:

"Older brother made a name for himself with the cops Scumbag fuck, but I swear that he's not He's so good to me and to nobody else So you should watch yourself

Mama's comatose, she can't leave the bed Something smells rotten and it starting to spread I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead We're already dead"

____

"Older brother made a name for himself with the cops - Scumbag fuck but I swear that he's not" reminds me of Hoyt and Thomas' relationship. For one, Hoyt not only "became" part of law enforcement, he was a POW. Now, a POW is not someone who gets "involved with the cops" per se, but he did get involved in serious warfare which for some reason reminds me of this line. The following line "Scumbag fuck but I swear that he's not" reminds me of the intense family pride. I think Thomas knows Hoyt is a bad person. Hell, aren't they all? But at the same time he loves his family; They're all he has. Continuing with this narrative; "He's so good to me, and to nobody else - So you should watch yourself." We know Hoyt cares for Thomas, but he's definitely 'tough-love' and judgmental. So this line reminds me of them more because of the essence: He treats us {the family} well, no one else gets that privilege. Watch yourself :)

Now, the line "Mama's comatose, she can't leave the bed" reminds me of Monty, as opposed to Luda Mae. Monty really can't do anything anymore. He used to help tow the victim's cars and help with mechanic repair; But he obviously can't do that now. So it's more the essence of the line as opposed to the line itself. Following up with "Something smells rotten and it's starting to spread" has always reminded me of Thomas' skin condition. His condition caused his skin to rot to such an extreme that he amputated his nose. His condition obviously spread throughout his face, causing him to cover it fully. I guess the anxiety of "it's starting to spread" reminded me of Thomas in a way. How anxious he must've felt seeing his condition worsen over time; Taking more and more of him until it's all he was. His one defining feature.

"I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead - We're already dead"

We're already dead.

"Anyway, staying around this town, there's no more jobs, no more money, no more food. It's down right suicidal."

We're already dead.

"You can't have a creature like that around normal folk, that's what I'm saying."

I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead.

"People may not remember what we say here tonight, but they sure as shit gonna remember what we do. Thanks to the good sheriff here...We ain't gonna go hungry tonight. Matter of fact, we ain't never gonna starve again."

GUYS LOOK AT JEDIDIAH

Image Credit: Alamy.com

This is literally just David Dorfman but still

I hate you I hate you I hate you TCM 2003. I rewatched it whilst working on the very small fanfic and I got to the scene at 1:17:40 - 1:18:30 before tweakin out. What do you MEAN Thomas DROPS the chainsaw and Morgan didn't think to pick it up?? And when Erin finally gets up, SHE DOESN'T PICK IT UP EITHER?? SHE JSUT HITS HIM?? HE NUDGES HER ONCE AND SHE FLIES ACROSS THE ROOM?? THOMAS WASN'T EVEN GIVING HIS ALL, BRO HAD ALL ODDS AGAINST HIM BUT STILL WON FROM FUCKING PLOT ARMOR {Thank god, I didn't want him to die but Jesus fucking Christ STAND UPPP}

I gotta chill out. But like seriously, there are so many instances in horror movies that make me so mad; STAND UP PLEASE

Thomas butchering the shit out of someone who hit on you because he's insecure and extremely afraid of you leaving him :)

You end up with a poorly written note with the shittiest hand writing ever that reads:

"I'm sorry I got upset. I love you."

But it's more like

"sory i was upset i lov you" spelling errors and all 🫀

Just know, dinner was less of a steak and more of a...pulled "pork" from how excessive Thomas' chopping was. Luda Mae wasn't too thrilled, but she's not one to waste, is she?

"Tommy took good care of 'em, God bless the next poor soul that takes his chances, hm?" - Hoyt, probably

This isn't a request, but more of a cannon fact that people don't know about Hoyt (Charlie), and it's the fact that he cares about continuing on the legacy. The family linuage, so to say, this is backed up because of the comics. Hoyt does want love from a woman and a potential wife. The problem was that he didn't ever "find" the one. But that didn't stop him from assaulting women that he found to be beautiful or worth keeping alive for a bit longer, like he was chasing the high, consuming alcohol one after anathor so to say.

When it comes to Thomas, he didn't actually mind if if Thomas ever got a woman. He wanted Thomas to be the one to continue the linuage, but if he couldn't, then he would step up himself.

So it does iritate me a bit that fanfic authors tend to miss characterise him as this man who despises all outsiders. Yes, he is a cautious man when it comes to keeping the female victims, but he wouldn't immediately treat them harshly if Thomas ever found an interest in one of them.

ooo I really appreciate this !!!

Yes, he's cautious and kind of an ass for his own entertainment, but he's not against outsiders. Selective? Most likely - But that's just how he comes off to me.

I really hope I haven't mischaracterized him 😭