Life's Too Short To Write For An Imaginary Critic That You Fear Will Hate What You Wrote

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

HERE I'M RIGHT HERE

All this hype for interview with a vampire whare are my Those Who Hunt the Night girlies and guylies and theydies

big fan of: used bookstores, and 80s fantasy covers

I forgot how lonely it is to write original fiction.

Where are the kudos? The subscriptions? The comments? The people cheerleading me chapter to chapter? Where are the kind words and compliments and reassurances that what I'm writing isn't complete crap? Where are the unhinged emojis? The asks on Tumblr? Where are my mutuals in my dms apologizing for not reading the latest chapter right away (side note, you know you don't have to apologize at all, right??). Where is the fanart? Where are the recs?

Where is my motivation to keep going?

It's something I've been thinking about a lot, actually, lately. How the experience of writing fanfic is so unique. How you already have an audience, willing and waiting and captive. And that's really it, isn't it? You have an audience. It's almost performative, writing fanfic. It's being on a stage, a one-person show (or two, if you do it with a friend); it's getting live reactions to your performance, it's feeding off the energy of the crowd and informing it back in a feedback loop; it's improvised, sometimes, in almost-real-time. It's building something that you couldn't have built by yourself. A thing that takes on a life of its own.

It's an experience you can't get writing original fiction, and, honestly, not having it is making it hard to write something original at all.

HE DID IT FOLKS, HE DID THE THING

Never have I felt so much like a protagonist

your protagonist doesn’t need to save the world. maybe they just need to save their plant collection, one dying ficus at a time.

One of the things that’s really struck me while rereading the Lord of the Rings–knowing much more about Tolkien than I did the last time I read it–is how individual a story it is.

We tend to think of it as a genre story now, I think–because it’s so good, and so unprecedented, that Tolkien accidentally inspired a whole new fantasy culture, which is kind of hilarious. Wanting to “write like Tolkien,” I think, is generally seen as “writing an Epic Fantasy Universe with invented races and geography and history and languages, world-saving quests and dragons and kings.” But… But…

Here’s the thing. I don’t think those elements are at all what make The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings so good. Because I’m realizing, as I did not realize when I was a kid, that Tolkien didn’t use those elements because they’re somehow inherently better than other things. He used them purely because they were what he liked and what he knew.

The Shire exists because he was an Englishman who partially grew up in, and loved, the British countryside, and Hobbits are born out of his very English, very traditionalist values. Tom Bombadil was one of his kids’ toys that he had already invented stories about and then incorporated into Middle-Earth. He wrote about elves and dwarves because he knew elves and dwarves from the old literature/mythology that he’d made his career. The Rohirrim are an expression of the ancient cultures he studied. There are a half-dozen invented languages in Middle-Earth because he was a linguist. The themes of war and loss and corruption were important to him, and were things he knew intimately, because of the point in history during which he lived; and all the morality of the stories, the grace and humility and hope-in-despair, was an expression of his Catholic faith. 

J. R. R. Tolkien created an incredible, beautiful, unparalleled world not specifically by writing about elves and dwarves and linguistics, but by embracing all of his strengths and loves and all the things he best understood, and writing about them with all of his skill and talent. The fact that those things happened to be elves and dwarves and linguistics is what makes Middle-Earth Middle-Earth; but it is not what makes Middle-Earth good.

What makes it good is that every element that went into it was an element J. R. R. Tolkien knew and loved and understood. He brought it out of his scholarship and hobbies and life experience and ideals, and he wrote the story no one else could have written… And did it so well that other people have been trying to write it ever since.

So… I think, if we really want to write like Tolkien (as I do), we shouldn’t specifically be trying to write like linguists, or historical experts, or veterans, or or or… We should try to write like people who’ve gathered all their favorite and most important things together, and are playing with the stuff those things are made of just for the joy of it. We need to write like ourselves.

basic things you should know about your main characters

how is their relationship with their family

what are their beliefs, if they have any

what is their motivation (preferably something unrelated to their love interest/romantic feelings)

who were they raised to be vs. who they became/are becoming

what are their plans for the future, if they have any

how they feel about themselves and how it affects their behaviour

how do they feel about things they cannot control

and last but not least: Why is This Character the Protagonist??

how did women in 1817 read wentworth’s letter to anne and not immediately start running through the streets screaming

I cry when I go to the beach because I really really love sitting in windy places, it makes me feel clean and loved at the same time. I don't know how to sail but one day I want to learn more about sailing and boats.

I love Jimmy Buffett - Cheeseburger in Paradise is a banger that my whole family sings on roadtrips, but Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes or A Pirate Looks at Forty or Son of a Son of a Sailor are all some beautiful songs about life, he sounds like he's singing to friends.

I had a massive horse phase in elementary school that I've stopped talking about, except to laugh at my horse statue collection. I never quite left the horse phase, or at least I rediscovered it when I saw someone reference The Black Stallion series a month ago. The Black Stallion was my favorite, but Black Beauty, National Velvet, bunch of others I'm currently forgetting, I read a bunch of fiction about them. The nonfiction was interesting, but the horse phase centered around a truly irrational and excessive love for horse souls and motifs of freedom, which the nonfiction stuff didn't cover.

I love Russell Crowe's Javert because I saw the movie before I ever saw a theatre production of Les Miserables, and I've never quite been convinced that I'm wrong. I love the music in Les Mis a ton, but I appreciate how, in the movie, the singing can explore soft, conversational volume instead of having to belt everything in a theatrical style. For songs like 'Stars', I think that introspective tone is more intimate and more effective.

I have a theory that being angry and complaining online is the default for most because it's inherently scarier to be earnest and vulnerable. So I invite whoever reads this to reblog and tell me about something you love un-ironically that doesn't make you look more intelligent or conventionally hip.

The rules are if I see anyone giving each other shit over a thing someone likes I'm going to send them an ask that's just a picture of wet, sad cat with zero context. Same if someone claims that they like to complain and it's their god-given right to do it as often as they like and wherever they want. Of course you do. It is not interesting to defend your right to talk about all the small things you hate when no one is really challenging them in the first place. You can complain forever until you die and that's totally fine.

Anyways I'll start.

I love Jimmy Buffett.

It's not because his music is so bad I think it's amusing. I actually think his music is really good. If he was still alive I'd absolutely spend money on a Jimmy Buffett concert because that sounds like a super fun time.

Fruitcakes is a fucking banger. Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On is only one of his many songs that give big Good Dad energy when shit is rough. People mostly only know him for Cheeseburger in Paradise - but honestly? That rocks too. Sometimes I also want a cheeseburger.

People try to give me shit because he sold his likeness to the Margaritaville restaurants and hotels. I'm not even upset about this. The man struggled to be financially stable enough to play music in the beginning of his career, and sold his name to get money to make music and play concerts. He did a good handful of charity shows. He delivered tents to Haiti after the earthquake. He's not like known for philanthropy, but the vibe I get from him is that he's a pretty good guy who just wanted to make music and hang out with his loved ones.

He was literally in the middle of finishing an album when he died last year. He just made music as often as he could right up until it was his turn to go. His last words, according to one of his daughters, were have fun.

You can tell me you don't like his music, but you can't listen and tell me you don't think he'd be a fucking chill hang when the only real answer I got from searching "Jimmy Buffett controversy" is that he got caught with a bunch of ecstacy in '06 and paid a fine before being released. I don't even do ecstacy but holy shit my one exception would be trying it with Jimmy Buffett can you imagine??

Anyways. Your turn, friends.