Everytime I See A Marvel Related Post I Get The Urge To Read Stony Fics And Scroll Throught The Stony

I have been watching seven kids all day long and need to project the trauma of parenting somewhere, so... Batfam quotes :D

—

Bruce, half awake in a sitting room: Please, stop.

Jason, trying to suffocate Tim with a pillow: GIVE ME THE REMOTE!

Tim: *Muffled swears*

Damian, helping Jason: WE WANT TO WATCH MEAN GIRLS!

Cass, tackling Jason from behind: OFF OUR BROTHER!

Dick: Guys please, the doctor said we had to keep Tim's blood pressure down!

Duke: Man, we need to keep all our blood pressure down, he ain't special.

Bruce: Please, don't kill your brother.

Stephanie: Guys, he stopped fighting.

Dick: OH MY GODS YOU KILLED TIM!?

Damian: Oh no.

Cass, kneeing Jason in the stomach and grinning as he falls to the ground:

Duke: Nah, I think he just passed out.

Bruce: If any of you are dead I'm going to enter a depressive episode that will result in one of you becoming Batman by the end of it.

Dick: OH MY GOD TIM COME BACK TO LIFE I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!

Damian: DRAKE!?

Cass: I will find a Lazarus pit.

Jason: Nah, I'll just call Talia.

Duke: Y'all, he's breathin', I think he just fell asleep.

Stephanie, checking his pulse:

Stephanie: Yeah, he did. Classic Tim.

Bruce, under his breath: Thank god, I like that one.

—

Tim: Bruce, I have to tell you something.

Bruce: Yes, Tim?

Tim: . . . I'm bi.

Bruce: . . . Didn't you already come out to me?

Tim: Wait, what!? No!

Bruce: . . . No, no you did, you were... The ginger. The ginger one with arrows.

Tim: That was Dick, B.

Bruce: No, Dick wasn't a ginger, Jason was before the hair dye—

Tim: Different timeline, also that was Dick and Roy!

Bruce: Didn't Jason date Roy?

Tim: Bruce. Jason dated Roy, Dick dated Roy, they both dated Roy

Bruce: Oh, oh! Yes, of course... Wait, no, Dick was with the alien.

Tim: Kori and Dick broke up, Bruce.

Bruce: No, he was with the— the kryptonian.

Tim: Bruce, that's you.

Bruce: No, no, Connor.

Tim: Nobody in this family has ever dated Kon, and he's my friend!

Bruce:

Bruce: You aren't dating Connor? Oh, yes, you are with... Stephanie.

Tim: She and I broke up, she's with Cass now, I'm dating Bernard!

Bruce: The... Speedster?

Tim: Oh my god, Bruce, this isn't complicated... Bart is the speedster, Bernard is a human, regular human, not a vigilante or anything, and he's my old high school friend. We are dating now.

Bruce: Oh, yes. Okay. Sorry, I haven't updated the chart since Jason...

Tim: You had a chart to keep track of your kids dating history? When you had two kids!?

Bruce: Dick was complicated, and Jason dated a girl named Rena.

Tim: Again, different timeline, Bruce, they got back together in this one though (because op said so.)

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Tim: Rena and Jason are dating but Jason also occasionally dates Roy at the same time, Dick is gonna get back together with Kori eventually, we're just waiting for the writers to get their sh&# together, I'm with Bernard, Stephanie and Cass are dating, this isn't a complicated thing, at all.

Bruce:

Bruce: I need to update my charts.

—

TV show host: So, can you introduce your kids for us?

Bruce:

Bruce: Yes, uh, of course.

Bruce, pointing to Dick: My eldest, Richard Grayson.

Bruce, pointing to Tim: My second, Jason— wait, no, he's dead. That one died.

Tim: Please never mistake me for Jason again, I just had several flashbacks.

Bruce: Yes, sorry, no, this is my third son, Tim.

Bruce, pointing to Cass: My daughter, Cassandra, she likes art—

Cass: No, ballet.

Bruce: What? No, Tim likes ballet.

Tim: I hate being the middle child so much.

Damian: Technically Cain is the middle.

Cass: No, Tim likes skateboards and dungeons and dragons.

Bruce: Okay, haha, sorry. So, uh, my youngest...

Damian:

Bruce: That I...

Damian:

Bruce: Adopted..?

Damian: WHAT!?

Bruce: Wait, no, Jason was Talia's, so—

Damian: HE WAS FOUND NEAR A DUMPSTER!

Bruce: Oh, then Tim—

Tim: SERIOUSLY!?

Dick: Bruce this is actually concerning.

Bruce: One of you I made! Cass!?

Cass, visibly concerned: Really?

Bruce: Okay, so, uh...

TV host: Should... Do you need a moment?

Bruce: No, no, I have five children— wait, no, six. Wait, did I adopt Duke?

Dick: No, he lives with his Mom again, she got better, but you didn't even adopt me so why's it matter?

Bruce:

Bruce: I FORGOT TO ADOPT YOU!?

Dick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN FORGOT!?

Tim: I hate this family...

Cass, patting his back:

Damian: At least he remembered your names!

Jason, laughing from his apartment:

—

Tim and Cass sitting at the bat computer:

Bruce, walking over to press a kiss to Cass' hair:

Tim: ???

Bruce, walking over to Cass, patting her shoulder: Good work, son. Get to bed soon.

Cass: . . ?

Bruce, walking away:

Tim: Did he..?

Cass: Again. Yes.

—

Bruce, to Alfred: Alfred, please, I need help with Christmas again.

Alfred: Master Bruce, you have itemized lists of each villain, you can recall them all and memorize all their weaknesses and lives. You cannot do the same for your own children?

Bruce: Please, Alfred, don't make me feel bad. One of them asked for an explosive and I don't know which!?

Alfred: That could very well be several of them...

—

Bruce, walking into the kitchen where all the kids are sitting: Alright, come on Tim, time for patrol.

Tim: Why aren't you going with Robin?

Bruce: You are Robin?

Damian: Father, I am Robin.

Bruce: Why'd I do that?

Damian: What do you mean WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?

Dick: I did that, actually.

Bruce: Why? What did Tim do?

Damian: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?

Bruce: Nothing, nothing, I just... Tim was Robin, last I checked.

Jason: Bruce, what's the order of your Robin's?

Bruce:

Bruce: It... Okay, Dick,

Dick: Yes..?

Bruce: Then... Stephanie.

Jason: Wow.

Bruce: What!? She died! Two of you died and came back!

Damian: I also died.

Bruce: What? No, you came after Stephanie.

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: Alright, so, Dick, Stephanie—

Jason: REALLY!? I did not die in your arms for this. I wish I died in someone's else's arms. F-#% you.

Bruce: No, no! I'm sorry, you're right, Dick, Jason... Then... Alright, Stephanie and Damian came somewhere, obviously, but Tim is my Robin now! Right?!

Tim: Bruce, Alfred and Dick gave Robin to Damian after you got lost in the time stream.

Bruce:

Bruce: Oh. Uh. Okay... Damian, time for patrol—

Damian: No, I'm going with Richard tonight. You may have DRAKE!

Bruce: No, I'm sorry, son, please.

Damian, storming out:

Bruce, chasing after him: Please, I have had so many of you! And so many hits to the head!

Tim: How come he only ever remembers Dick's stuff?

Jason: Favouritism.

Dick: I fell on his head a lot as a kid. I also used to whisper in his ear as a kid when he slept that I would be the only child he'd ever have and love, so...

Tim:

Jason: And I'm remembered as the bad kid???

—

Bruce: You're grounded.

Barbara: ??? I'm not your kid, Bruce.

Bruce: What?

Barbara: Really? No, I'm not dealing with this, get a neurologist, Bruce.

Bruce: It's not a problem!

—

Bruce, on the phone: Hey, Jay, lad! Are you coming to the gala this weekend?

Jason: ??? I'm dead.

Bruce: What?!

Jason: No! I am legally dead, Bruce!

Bruce: Oh thank god, I thought I was hallucinating again...

Jason: Huh?

Bruce: Nothing, nothing... Wait, why haven't I brought you back to legally alive?

Jason: Hell if I know.

Bruce:

Bruce: Will you come to the gala if—

Jason, hanging up:

—

Bernard:

Bruce:

Bernard:

Bruce: Stephanie, when did you become transgender???

Bernard, trying not to laugh:

Tim: This is why I didn't want you two to meet.

—

Bruce, on the phone: DUKE THOMAS WHY AREN'T YOU HOME!?

Duke: ??? I am.

Bruce: Where?! I checked the entire manor!

Duke: I don't live with you???

Bruce: Oh my god did I fire you???

Duke: What? No? I live with my Mom?

Bruce: . . . She's alive?

Duke: B, that's... All the other kids minus Cass and Damian.

Bruce: Oh...

Duke: Get help, man.

—

Tim, eating cereal at two in the morning:

Bruce, stepping inside the dark room, blinking slowly:

Bruce: Oh, Jason—

Tim: I am so done.

—

Birdflah!!! Where Wally slowly realizes that Dick is surrounded by gingers and it dawns on him that dick's type is gingers.

Wally: did you hooked up with roy?

Dick: uh no? Like I had thing for him but he preferred them violent and traumatized.

Wally: *knows that roy is with jason* okay

Wally: did you hook up with Artemis?

Dick: yeah, twice long ago, we were like 18 or something.

Wally: okay.

Wally: did u hook up with kori?

Dick: that one was more than a hook!! We had actually a good relationship that lasted long, but then she wanted other things and left so yeah.

Wally: *remembering that Dick and kori talk alot on the phone and stuff* okay.

Wally: what are the chances of me preventing dick from meeting another ginger?

Tim: slim. He's a ginger magnet.

Jason: and he has a tendency to fuck them, roy was the only exception.

Wally: so I have my days counted??

Tim: not exactly. I think dick is serious about you. I mean besides kori, most of his gingers hooks up where during your speedforce era.

Wally: does that mean...

Tim: you gonna be on family dinners for a very long time.

Wally: YES. TAKE THAT GINGERS!!

Superbat omegaverse (I like this fight me) where Bruce (it doesn't matter if he's an omega or an alpha) is called mom by his kids from the day one. It started with Dick as a joke, but it stayed and was passed down. It was even like a sign for when his kids were mad at Bruce, they would call his name instead of mom. When Jason came back, it took him a while to get him to call Bruce mom again, but when he did he felt the happiness seeping through their family bond.

So when clark was finally part of the family, things started to happen. Clark as always been there ever since identities were shown, and even before when batman and superman were just that. Clark was like their cool uncle, and the one that gives them hugs.

It was, surprisingly, damian who made the first slip up.

Damian: mother, can you sign this paper that the school sent?

Bruce: what's that about?

Damian: nothing that is important, the teacher asked it to be signed.

Bruce: Damian I won't sign something that I don't know what it is.

Damian: *looking incredulous and turning towards clark* Father can you signed it?

*Bruce and clark not saying anything about the title*

Clark: s-sure damian, I can do it.

And from then on they slowly start referring clark as father, bc they saw how he became a permanent figure in their life and how better Bruce seemed with clark now. So now Bruce and Clark are Mom and Dad in the manner.

Saw something similar on my dash and needed a Gaz version

Soap: Lt, We are ready to leave whenever your are. Car is loaded. *image attached*

Lt: Jesus Christ Soap. I’m on my way out.

Soap: 🫡

Lt: Is that a fucking dildo?

Soap: It’s actually called a rabbit sir 😁

Lt: Where’s Price?

Soap: He’s letting Gaz and I have our own car 😮‍💨

Soap: HEY. WHY DID PRICE JUST SHOW UP AND TAKE THE KEYS ☹️

Ghost started to noticed the new choice of Soap underwear, that being tongs and panties. Not that he's complaining, he's actually very grateful for whoever influenced his scott. The boxers were great but having full access with no barriers is even better.

But Ghost was curious, who gave soap the idea? It was going to be difficult to find because soap was a social butterfly and made friends with anyone.

"Soap has been wearing a different kind of underwear." Ghost commented with Price one afternoon in the captains office.

"Hmm I have noticed."

"Aren't you surprised?"

Price shook his head, not looking up from his reports "Kyle as been wearing since he was young, says they comfy and cute at the same time."

Why didn't he think of Kyle? Soap and Gaz were attached to the hip, best friends and probably more from the way Soap talks about the brit (not that Ghost mind, he actually likes hearing about gaz) of course the biggest source of influence would be Kyle.

Ghost waited until he knew that Kyle and Johnny were in the Scott's room to pay a visit. It was one of their "bestie nights" so Ghost knew they would be together at this hour. He knocked once, a distinctive knock that warned Soap that it was Ghost. He heard the accented "come in" and entered the room.

And yes his hunch was right. There stood Soap in front of the mirror wearing some black tong that left absolutely nothing covered and Kyle was by his side with a tong too, but his was bright res contrasting with his black skin, looking pensive at Soap.

"Maybe black is too much?"

"Hmm, Ah like it."

Kyle turned towards Ghost "what do you think?"

"Yeah, wanna stay and help us out?"

And well, Ghost is only a man.

Happy Valentines Day

I like to think they're a pretty private couple, only ever being affectionate behind closed doors

It has come to Bruce's attention that Kon-El might be romantically interested in his son. So of course, he decides to investigate (subtly). Starting with...

Bruce: Tim.

Tim: Bruce.

The following silence lasts for ten seconds.

Bruce: How would you describe your relationship with Superboy?

Tim: Uh, pretty good?

Bruce: Pretty good? Can you be more specific? How does he interact with you?

Tim: I mean, he keeps sending me selfies in the weirdest places. One time, Kon sent one with a thumbs up while the background was clearly during a mission and our teammates were chucking basketballs at these weird alien plant vines. I was there too, so it makes even less sense. Like, why would he send me a selfie of where he is when I was like fifteen feet away?

After taking a moment to...digest what just came out of his kid's mouth, Bruce decides to investigate their relationship some other time.

More pressingly, he needs to know the details of this mission and why this is the first he's hearing of it.

Tim: Actually, Dick was there too. He was wrestling with a vine. And not like fighting wrestling, but arm wrestling. With a vine.

Bruce can't stop himself from asking: Did he win?

Tim: He did! I'll send you the video and you can hear the vine grunting and hissing while everyone was cheering Nightwing on!

Bruce: They were cheering him on, while throwing basketballs at the other vines?

Tim: Yep.

Bruce: And what were you doing during this?

Tim points to the video on his phone: Capturing the moment and giving orders at the same time. Don't worry, I can multitask.

Bruce: So you ordered them to throw basketballs at the vines.

Tim nods: Strategic distraction while we lead the alien plant vines to a trap.

Bruce: And why was Nightwing arm wrestling one particular vine?

Tim: To boost morale. Also, Kon double-dog dared him.

Bruce: Tim.

Tim: What?

Bruce just sighs.

Bruce and Clark have a special rooftop, one that is high enough, with enough things to hide them from whatever can catch them, where they can pull the heroes personas off and just idly talk about anything.

The lights from the city reach them, but at the same time the moonlight gives them comfort. Their legs dangle from above, floor so far away, but both don't pay attention.

This rooftop was the one where they first met, where they had their first fight, where they first showed their identities, where clark met dick and all the rest of the birds, where clark told Bruce he got married to Lois, where Bruce said he was dating Selena, where clark said he had a son with Lois, where clark said he was divorced, where Bruce told clark about his encounter and assault with Talia, and then where Bruce showed Damian.

That rooftop held memories of every important matter in their life, that rooftop witness a dictionary of emotions expressed by the both of them, that rooftop their sanctuary.

Today was no different. Cowl off, persona off, feet dangling, postures relaxed and faces happy. Clark was telling an anecdote from work and Bruce was laughing that laugh that was deep and genuine, that clark had the privilege to hear.

Clark was looking at Bruce laughing and speaking, his eyes soft and a turn up of lips always present. They were best friends, close partners and a constant presence in each other's lives. The first person to always enter his mind was Bruce. He hadn't realize how Bruce dictated his life without even trying, Clark was always thinking about Bruce and what Bruce thought.

Clark never realized that what he felt for Bruce was more than just a friendship. But now, looking at the fair skin illuminated by the city lights and perfected by the moonlight, eyes wrinkled from laughing and pale blues gazing on his own, Clark felt something explode inside himself, something that was stuck but finally made itself known.

Oh. I love this man.

Bruce had his head turn towards clark, about to ask what's wrong because of the stretched silence from clark, but he didn't get to say anything because clark leaned in with a fleeting confidence and kissed Bruce.

It was frightening, it was amazing. It was scary, it was wonderful. It was the end of the world, it was everything he asked for.

And when Bruce kissed back, oh, Clark wanted to float so bad and just let the wind take him because it was just like a dream.

It started off as soft, little nips here and there, their lips moving in a sync that rivaled their battle forms. They kept their hands to themselves, just focusing on kissing and savoring each other. Bruce pushed back, deepening the kiss and clark let him, willingly opening his lips to feel Bruce's tongue exploring and tasting, playing with Clark's tongue.

It felt like hours when they pulled back. Bruce was catching his breath because he was only human, and clark was catching his for a whole different reason. Both looked at each other, confirming and smashing any remaining doubts they might have left, before they both smiled and chuckled at whatever.

"Do you want to go back to the manor?"

Clark giggled "if Alfred allows me to."

"It's worth the try."

(I was inspired by this umikochannart on twitter and Instagram!! Plz check her out she has amazing artstyle and amazing superbat fanart!!!)

The various stages of roy and jason relationship by the batfam + clark.

(I'm hyper fixating in this ship I'm sorry)

Denial

Jason: me and roy are dating.

Damian: what kind of joke is this, jason?!?!

Jason: it's real, demon brat.

Damian: I refuse to believe that someone related to me committed such atrocity by fornicating with such individual!

Jason: what?

Damian: I think you should start finding funnier jokes, jason.

Anger

Jason: I'm dating roy.

Dick: Wft?!?! Why is my friend who's older than you dating a child?!?!

Jason: this feels familiar

Dick: is he threatening you?!?! Omg I'm going to beat the shit out of him right now!

Jason: stop, please, keep those weapons away!

Dick: I'm going to kill you roy harper!

Bargaining

Jason: me and roy are dating.

Tim: are you sure that's your choice?

Jason: what?

Tim: *pulls a folder out of nowhere* I have hundred better options than roy. Here this one has a pharmaceutical company and is a bottom.

Jason: yall are crazy.

Depression

Jason: I'm dating roy.

Bruce: Oliver's kid?!?!

Jason: yeah

Bruce: *tears up a bit* my small child is dating a queen kid??

Jason: I'm a grown man!?!?

Bruce: *head in hands* my small child is with a disappointment.

Jason: this is getting ridiculous!

Acceptance

Jason: I'm dating roy.

Alfred and clark: *look at each other*

Alfred: is this recent?

Jason: it's been six months.

Clark: does he makes you happy?

Jason: *blushing a little* yeah

Alfred: well then, master jason, please bring him over for dinner next Friday, I'd like to meet the one that makes my grandson happy.

Clark: *nodding* yeah I wanna meet this roy!

Jason: *tearing up* tHanK YoU