As An Apology For The Heavy Angst Lately

Bruce: *bored as fuck and is literally willing to do anything*

Hal: Hey Spooky, you look like you could use some fun. Why don’t you let me take you out for dinner? *wiggling his eyebrows, very clearly joking to get a rise out of Bruce*

Justice League: Oh fuck, I always knew Green Lantern had a death wish *they’re all exchanging looks, ready to grab Hal just in case Bats decides to break his no kill rule*

Bruce: *has found the perfect opportunity to fuck with everyone* Sure, I like to be wined and dined. You’ll be paying for dinner. *walks out before anyone questions him*

Hal: … *turns to face the rest of the Justice League* Huh, who knew it’d be that easy?

Clark: *gritting his teeth* Yeah… who knew

Barry: *scoots away from Clark due to danger feeling*

Hal: Oh my gosh, what if this is a plan to murder me! *sweating, hands gripping his hair in fear*

Clark: *under his breath* Let’s hope he gets to you before I do *glowering*

Barry: *even more scared*

Sleepy sam with clothes

Mature version

I need a fic where Bruce is completely head over wheels with Clark. I'm talking both in his batman persona and Bruce persona.

I'm talking like Batman listening to Suparman talking with this usual resting serious bitch fave, but inside his swooning over Superman curl bc on that day was extra curly and extra cute.

I'm talking Bruce with a blank face while Clark is talking but inside he's behaving like a teenage girl talking with his crush.

I'm talking the bat kids noticing the smallest, most minimal most unnoticeable to the untrained eye changed in batman's posture when talking with superman and not letting Bruce live it down.

I know I'm asking a lot, and I would write this if I knew more abt them (I'm reading the comics) but I really wanna see out of character in love batman thank u

steady now, Sergeant

I have been watching seven kids all day long and need to project the trauma of parenting somewhere, so... Batfam quotes :D

—

Bruce, half awake in a sitting room: Please, stop.

Jason, trying to suffocate Tim with a pillow: GIVE ME THE REMOTE!

Tim: *Muffled swears*

Damian, helping Jason: WE WANT TO WATCH MEAN GIRLS!

Cass, tackling Jason from behind: OFF OUR BROTHER!

Dick: Guys please, the doctor said we had to keep Tim's blood pressure down!

Duke: Man, we need to keep all our blood pressure down, he ain't special.

Bruce: Please, don't kill your brother.

Stephanie: Guys, he stopped fighting.

Dick: OH MY GODS YOU KILLED TIM!?

Damian: Oh no.

Cass, kneeing Jason in the stomach and grinning as he falls to the ground:

Duke: Nah, I think he just passed out.

Bruce: If any of you are dead I'm going to enter a depressive episode that will result in one of you becoming Batman by the end of it.

Dick: OH MY GOD TIM COME BACK TO LIFE I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!

Damian: DRAKE!?

Cass: I will find a Lazarus pit.

Jason: Nah, I'll just call Talia.

Duke: Y'all, he's breathin', I think he just fell asleep.

Stephanie, checking his pulse:

Stephanie: Yeah, he did. Classic Tim.

Bruce, under his breath: Thank god, I like that one.

—

Tim: Bruce, I have to tell you something.

Bruce: Yes, Tim?

Tim: . . . I'm bi.

Bruce: . . . Didn't you already come out to me?

Tim: Wait, what!? No!

Bruce: . . . No, no you did, you were... The ginger. The ginger one with arrows.

Tim: That was Dick, B.

Bruce: No, Dick wasn't a ginger, Jason was before the hair dye—

Tim: Different timeline, also that was Dick and Roy!

Bruce: Didn't Jason date Roy?

Tim: Bruce. Jason dated Roy, Dick dated Roy, they both dated Roy

Bruce: Oh, oh! Yes, of course... Wait, no, Dick was with the alien.

Tim: Kori and Dick broke up, Bruce.

Bruce: No, he was with the— the kryptonian.

Tim: Bruce, that's you.

Bruce: No, no, Connor.

Tim: Nobody in this family has ever dated Kon, and he's my friend!

Bruce:

Bruce: You aren't dating Connor? Oh, yes, you are with... Stephanie.

Tim: She and I broke up, she's with Cass now, I'm dating Bernard!

Bruce: The... Speedster?

Tim: Oh my god, Bruce, this isn't complicated... Bart is the speedster, Bernard is a human, regular human, not a vigilante or anything, and he's my old high school friend. We are dating now.

Bruce: Oh, yes. Okay. Sorry, I haven't updated the chart since Jason...

Tim: You had a chart to keep track of your kids dating history? When you had two kids!?

Bruce: Dick was complicated, and Jason dated a girl named Rena.

Tim: Again, different timeline, Bruce, they got back together in this one though (because op said so.)

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Tim: Rena and Jason are dating but Jason also occasionally dates Roy at the same time, Dick is gonna get back together with Kori eventually, we're just waiting for the writers to get their sh&# together, I'm with Bernard, Stephanie and Cass are dating, this isn't a complicated thing, at all.

Bruce:

Bruce: I need to update my charts.

—

TV show host: So, can you introduce your kids for us?

Bruce:

Bruce: Yes, uh, of course.

Bruce, pointing to Dick: My eldest, Richard Grayson.

Bruce, pointing to Tim: My second, Jason— wait, no, he's dead. That one died.

Tim: Please never mistake me for Jason again, I just had several flashbacks.

Bruce: Yes, sorry, no, this is my third son, Tim.

Bruce, pointing to Cass: My daughter, Cassandra, she likes art—

Cass: No, ballet.

Bruce: What? No, Tim likes ballet.

Tim: I hate being the middle child so much.

Damian: Technically Cain is the middle.

Cass: No, Tim likes skateboards and dungeons and dragons.

Bruce: Okay, haha, sorry. So, uh, my youngest...

Damian:

Bruce: That I...

Damian:

Bruce: Adopted..?

Damian: WHAT!?

Bruce: Wait, no, Jason was Talia's, so—

Damian: HE WAS FOUND NEAR A DUMPSTER!

Bruce: Oh, then Tim—

Tim: SERIOUSLY!?

Dick: Bruce this is actually concerning.

Bruce: One of you I made! Cass!?

Cass, visibly concerned: Really?

Bruce: Okay, so, uh...

TV host: Should... Do you need a moment?

Bruce: No, no, I have five children— wait, no, six. Wait, did I adopt Duke?

Dick: No, he lives with his Mom again, she got better, but you didn't even adopt me so why's it matter?

Bruce:

Bruce: I FORGOT TO ADOPT YOU!?

Dick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN FORGOT!?

Tim: I hate this family...

Cass, patting his back:

Damian: At least he remembered your names!

Jason, laughing from his apartment:

—

Tim and Cass sitting at the bat computer:

Bruce, walking over to press a kiss to Cass' hair:

Tim: ???

Bruce, walking over to Cass, patting her shoulder: Good work, son. Get to bed soon.

Cass: . . ?

Bruce, walking away:

Tim: Did he..?

Cass: Again. Yes.

—

Bruce, to Alfred: Alfred, please, I need help with Christmas again.

Alfred: Master Bruce, you have itemized lists of each villain, you can recall them all and memorize all their weaknesses and lives. You cannot do the same for your own children?

Bruce: Please, Alfred, don't make me feel bad. One of them asked for an explosive and I don't know which!?

Alfred: That could very well be several of them...

—

Bruce, walking into the kitchen where all the kids are sitting: Alright, come on Tim, time for patrol.

Tim: Why aren't you going with Robin?

Bruce: You are Robin?

Damian: Father, I am Robin.

Bruce: Why'd I do that?

Damian: What do you mean WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?

Dick: I did that, actually.

Bruce: Why? What did Tim do?

Damian: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?

Bruce: Nothing, nothing, I just... Tim was Robin, last I checked.

Jason: Bruce, what's the order of your Robin's?

Bruce:

Bruce: It... Okay, Dick,

Dick: Yes..?

Bruce: Then... Stephanie.

Jason: Wow.

Bruce: What!? She died! Two of you died and came back!

Damian: I also died.

Bruce: What? No, you came after Stephanie.

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: Alright, so, Dick, Stephanie—

Jason: REALLY!? I did not die in your arms for this. I wish I died in someone's else's arms. F-#% you.

Bruce: No, no! I'm sorry, you're right, Dick, Jason... Then... Alright, Stephanie and Damian came somewhere, obviously, but Tim is my Robin now! Right?!

Tim: Bruce, Alfred and Dick gave Robin to Damian after you got lost in the time stream.

Bruce:

Bruce: Oh. Uh. Okay... Damian, time for patrol—

Damian: No, I'm going with Richard tonight. You may have DRAKE!

Bruce: No, I'm sorry, son, please.

Damian, storming out:

Bruce, chasing after him: Please, I have had so many of you! And so many hits to the head!

Tim: How come he only ever remembers Dick's stuff?

Jason: Favouritism.

Dick: I fell on his head a lot as a kid. I also used to whisper in his ear as a kid when he slept that I would be the only child he'd ever have and love, so...

Tim:

Jason: And I'm remembered as the bad kid???

—

Bruce: You're grounded.

Barbara: ??? I'm not your kid, Bruce.

Bruce: What?

Barbara: Really? No, I'm not dealing with this, get a neurologist, Bruce.

Bruce: It's not a problem!

—

Bruce, on the phone: Hey, Jay, lad! Are you coming to the gala this weekend?

Jason: ??? I'm dead.

Bruce: What?!

Jason: No! I am legally dead, Bruce!

Bruce: Oh thank god, I thought I was hallucinating again...

Jason: Huh?

Bruce: Nothing, nothing... Wait, why haven't I brought you back to legally alive?

Jason: Hell if I know.

Bruce:

Bruce: Will you come to the gala if—

Jason, hanging up:

—

Bernard:

Bruce:

Bernard:

Bruce: Stephanie, when did you become transgender???

Bernard, trying not to laugh:

Tim: This is why I didn't want you two to meet.

—

Bruce, on the phone: DUKE THOMAS WHY AREN'T YOU HOME!?

Duke: ??? I am.

Bruce: Where?! I checked the entire manor!

Duke: I don't live with you???

Bruce: Oh my god did I fire you???

Duke: What? No? I live with my Mom?

Bruce: . . . She's alive?

Duke: B, that's... All the other kids minus Cass and Damian.

Bruce: Oh...

Duke: Get help, man.

—

Tim, eating cereal at two in the morning:

Bruce, stepping inside the dark room, blinking slowly:

Bruce: Oh, Jason—

Tim: I am so done.

—

Gaz angst bc I feel like it (part 1???)

Kyle realized that he was the background character, the one that everyone forgot until he offered his services. It's even more crushing knowing that he was in a relationship with the others 3 members of the 141.

He realized that after a new sergeant became a permanent stay. He was everything Kyle was but better. He matched energy with Soap, handled Ghost with care and Price saw him as an equal. Those were Kyle's jobs, but when someone better comes along, he gave up. He started to hide, spend time by himself, wishing that one of them would come and ask him if everything was okay. But when Kyle wasn't offering himself to them, he was forgotten.

The true breaking point was when Alex called for their weekly talk and Kyle just broke down.

"I can't do this anymore." Between sobs, hiccups and lack of breathing, Kyle was able to say what happened, how he felt. Alex understood, tried to calm him down through the phone and suggested a solution.

"Come here, I will tell Farah, she will request you temporarily."

Alex was furious but also not surprised, because he knew Kyle was going to have a hard time fitting with 3 men that already each other on different levels. Kyle was a new addition, Kyle was a regular soldier that happened to be good what he did, Kyle didn't have anything besides his skills to standout and bond with this men, men that were excellent at what they did, men that knew intimate parts of each other from the very beginning, men that bond over past happenings. Kyle didn't had those, his only set back his fragile mind and his even fragile heart. Alex warned Kyle that he was entering a new world that did not connected with him, but Kyle accepted the challenge. And this was the result, a Kyle, someone who did his best to hide his fragile mind and heart, broken by love, because he still loved them, Kyle said he cannot not love them, he just needed to find himself.

"Farah requested you for her forces." Price said, handing him a paper for him to sign that he conceded to go "says the time is indefinite, she will send u back when she deems fit."

Maybe Kyle should had waited a minute, pretending to ponder or to ask time to think, but no, he grabbed the pen, said nothing and sign.

"Are u sure? U gonna be apart from us"

"I'm sure." Again Kyle should had seen less eager, but he couldn't.

"O-okay"

"Can i go? I have to pack" Kyle asked, again, hurriedly, really not caring anymore, now knowing that he was going to be with the two people that always put him back together.

Price blinked once and twice, stunned confused and hurt, but he stuttered out a yes and watched the sergeant leave "we will miss you." He said lastly, as Kyle was at the door.

The last words he received from his sergeant, the person he loved, hurt him in ways he couldn't think of.

"I don't think so Captain." And Kyle left. Closing the door in that soft way he always does.

Price stood up, ready to follow Kyle and ask what did he meant? What they done to evoke something like that? What can he do to fix it? But then his phone rang, and he was about to ignore it when he saw Farahs name light up.

"Yes?"

"Did Kyle sign the paper?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna send it later, I just-"

"You had your chance John, send the papers now please."

"What do you-"

"Let him come here, send the papers now, Captain."

Johnny saw a tiktok of a cow costume that was basically a thong and a tiny bra. Send it to Kyle just for the funsies, but the other sergeant just answers

"I like that actually, would wear it"

And so Johnny, first and foremost, spirals and jerk off to the though of Kyle's dark skin in a tiny cow costume with his ass in a thong, talking how Johnny would eat that chocolate cake-

Secondly, he created a plan.

He went into one of those weird websites that have weird fetish costumes, and order three cow costumes that were rhe exactly replica of the one he saw on tiktok.

Then he shared his plan with Kyle, who agreed and was on board with it. Kyle was essential for this plan because he was Johnny's secret weapon.

Then he went looking for Simon, the hardest piece to achieve. He showed the Liutenant the plan and tried his best to convince him to join him. That one took a while, while meant two weeks of begging and one week of rookie babysitting instead of Simon, and the blond was on board.

The plan was:

1. Aquire the cow costume for three people. Check

2. Convince his other two boyfriends to wear those costumes. Check

3. Share the mastermind plan. Check

4. Choose a good day where Price would be spending his day out. Check (altho that one was hard)

5. Convince price that give them the key to his office (Kyle did that one). Check

6. Infiltrate price office and wear the costumes. Check (Simon kept grumbling and refused to take off the mask until Kyle made him puppy eyes)

7. Call price to his office. Check

8. It's showtime!(Johnny stop that!)

Price when he saw them all standing there wearing the costumes was...not what Johnny expected. What the scott though was that price would either yell at them, laugh at them or sigh and leave them behind.

He did not expect the man to close the door, lock it, all while using one hand to unbuckle his belt with a face that prosimed one week of barely able being sat.

"Simon, kneel." The reaction was instant, the blond kneeled with his head down. "Kyle, kneel." Same with him too. The only one standing was Johnny, who gulped as Price approached him with a dark look. "I reckon it was your idea, Johnny."

"Y-yes, s-sir."

Price hummed, eyes racking over the scott "I'm trying to figure out if I should use you first or leave you for last" price hand laid on Johnny peck and squeezed, pulling a whimper from the younger "Depends on how pretty you beg."

Johnny dropped down to his knees, eyes already watered, lips in a pout and face close to the others crotch, looking up with his most pitful face "p-please, d-daddy."

"Good boy."

Jason: Why is Tim laying face down on the floor?

Steph: He took a "which Justice League member are you" quiz.

Jason: And?

Steph: He got Batman.

Jason and dick's song is Mr. Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan

If u know what I mean then you know

I love the headcanon that Kyle has a good sense of style in every way possible. Talking about good fashion style, good taste in decoration, and good overall.

I imagine that when it's time to go to the club, soap goes to Kyle to ask for an outfit bc he knows Kyle has the most stylish clothes and is actually good at styling.