Do You Ever Look At An Elderly Person And See The Wrinkles On Their Face And Realize They’ve Survived

I went to the small pizzeria in a nearby village last month and asked for a calzone, and when she brought it to me the owner had a look on her face I can only describe as bitter.

Naturally my first assumption was that she was judging me for my food order (maybe calzones are too easy compared to other pizzas and she felt under-challenged as a pizza chef?), but then I looked at my calzone and the more I looked at it, the more I felt like it might have been a failed attempt at a cat calzone.

(I didn't ask for a cat calzone, just a calzone.)

If I had immediately identified it as a cat calzone I would have of course said something about it, such as "Aww that's so cute! You made it in the shape of a cat!! Thank you!" — but it was too late. I hesitated too long, and it was just failed enough that I wasn't sure it was meant to be a cat.

I think this poor woman knew her cat calzone was a failure and I wouldn't be able to recognise her effort for what it was, hence the bitterness in her eyes when she brought it to me.

I asked my friend if my pizza looked like a cat to her, and she said "Are you saying this because of the olives? I think they were just placed randomly."

no, I think they were meant to be eyes, and a cat nose. And those are the ears. Wait, I'll turn it in your direction so you can see

Friend: "It's just a pointy calzone... Maybe you should ask the chef if she meant to make it a cat?"

If I tried to make a cat calzone and the recipient of this gift went like 'hey, sorry, is this weird-looking thing meant to be cat?' I would sell my pizza restaurant and drown myself in the river.

After considering this, my friend said we could brainstorm a better phrasing—but then we ended up agreeing that since the chef didn't go 'haha sorry I tried to make a cat and failed!!' when she brought my pizza, the options were a) she didn't try to make a cat; b) she feels humiliated by her failure, and either way it's better to say nothing.

But I felt deeply curious about this unresolved mystery, so this week when I went back to the pizzeria I asked for a calzone again.

The options were now: a) the chef brings me a better, recognisable cat calzone and I immediately remark upon it and she's happy and we erase the failed cat calzone from the historical record and never mention it ever;

or b) the chef brings me a normal calzone, which suggests that the vague cat shape from last time was accidental and just another instance of chronic cat pareidolia.

(I refused to consider option c) The chef brings me another failed, hardly-recognisable cat. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person who would let that happen to her twice.)

Here's the photo of the failed cat calzone from last time, which, according to my friend, just looks like a pointy calzone with randomly-placed olives and not a deliberate attempt to make a cat:

And here's what the chef brought me this time:

THAT'S A CAT.

I knew it!!!!

And it looks so sad!! This cat calzone looks like it will burst into olive oil tears if you once again fail to identify it as the cat that it is

But I didn't; I was so ready this time. I went "A cat!!!!! It's so cute!" and the chef went like yes!!! I tried to make one last time but it looked weird :(

I said I was pretty sure it was a cat last time and apologised for not bringing it up and she said no, it's my responsibility to make it a decent cat. She also said she was glad I'd come back and ordered another calzone because she was really bothered ("vraiment embêtée") by that first failed attempt, and wondering if I'd noticed an attempt was made (and failed)

That's so relatable. It's like when you make a really embarrassing spelling mistake in a text and you're not sure if the other person has seen it and is judging you for it. Should you bring it up? Can it go unnoticed if you don't? It's the cat calzone equivalent of that. I'm so glad we were able to clear the air.

apartment building of leaves

my apartment building sucks its not even the right size inside and the staircases dont even go anywhere. my closet door just opens to a space between the walls & also locked trapdoor in my bedroom. sometimes i think i should move

Of all the "Answers" to the Fermi Paradox, I think the one that fills me with the most sorrow is the "Early Bird" answer. Because there is nothing we can do about it.

Our galaxy is still in one of it's earliest generations of stars that could have life bearing planets. So we just got here too fast compared to everyone else. Like a child so eager and excited to rush outside and play with the other kids of the neighborhood...only to find every other house on every street is empty.

god. wow. yeah

i can't fucking shut up about the man that people are starting to call "The Claims Adjuster" because he not only shot that evil fucker but:

wrote deny defend depose on the bullets in sharpie

deliberately left behind a backpack in central park full of fucking monopoly money

and the cherry on top (so far) is that he potentially used a gun that was designed for veterinarians to put down sick animals

its art, its amazing, this is the best thing thats happened in like 10 years and he is my hero. Everything has felt so bleak and this is like a ray of light shining through the dark clouds into my soul

may they never catch him, and may we never find out who he was

Flaws to Give to Characters II

When I first posted "Flaws to Add to Characters," it gained a lot more popularity than I thought it would! And since you all loved it so much, here's another one!

>>> Selfishness - When one becomes too focused on themselves, they start to ignore those around them who've helped along the way.

>>> Indecisiveness - When one can't make a decision, ultimately, they are stuck and unable to progress.

>>> Self-Centered - Self-centered people are often too consumed with themselves to worry about anything else. Sometimes it's similar to selfishness, and other times it's not. They may be too vain or too busy victimizing themselves to care about others.

>>> Gullibility - A seriously gullible person is easy to trick, manipulate, and hurt.

>>> Skepticality - People that are just too skeptical can be difficult to deal with because they seemingly have to question every action. There's always a motive behind kindness, right..?

>>> Bluntness - Though honesty is the best policy, bluntness is something else. Being too honest can be quite hurtful depending on the situation.

>>> Pushover - Not being able to say "no" when one wants to makes it difficult to be able to advocate for themselves. Additionally, they can get taken advantage of and used.

>>> Easily Offended - This person will absolutely take EVERYTHING personally. Those around them have to be careful about their words, actions, or even behavior because they will look too deep into the most non-meaningful actions. This is usually a result of insecurity.

>>> Overthinking - We all have our moments with this one. Overthinking can often lead to indecisiveness, ensuring that a decision won't be made in the future.

>>> Impulsivity - Sometimes it's better to just think things through. Being too impulsive can lead to unideal situations, events, and outcomes.

Whaddya think? Were these helpful? I'm thinking about continuing these series, but what do you think? (Not gonna lie, these posts help me get my ideas and thoughts in order too.)

Happy writing~

3hks <3

every king gizzard album is like "what if there was a concept" and every harry nilsson album is like "i miss my dad and ill pull from the great american songbook about it" and every portugal the man album is like "lets do so much fucking acid" and every procol harum album is like "the wizard man is up to some bullshit again" and every frank zappa album is like "arent sex jokes really funny *guitar solo*" and every electric light orchestra album is like "blue rain woman looked out my window" and every kinks album is like "what if there was a concept and it was the seventies" and every supertramp album is like "i dont like the establishment very much but i do like a fine woman" and every pink floyd album is like "i dont like the establishment very much and lets do so much fucking acid" and every jethro tull album is like "your folksy uncle has an important lesson for us" and every clutch album is like "your southern uncle is hungry for guitar riffs" and every styx album is like "lets rock and roll all night" and every uncle acid and the deadbeats album is like "evil knife man is coming to get youuuuu" and every thee oh sees album is like "heres my evil genius whiteboy plan to take over the world musicstyle" and every steely dan album is like "heres some guys" and every muse album is like "have you guys heard of this establishment thing? it kinda sucks" and every goat album is like "ceremony of the blood temple woman's funky dance moves" and every billy joel album is like "hey im walkin he-ah!" and every black angels album is like "im so fucking excited for the vietnam war"

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

Italy...

the thing about autism is it makes speech feel like ice skating in winter boots. autism will make your mouth feel like its barely gaining traction as you slip over enunciations and slur your words together and then youre going too fast by far and you crash into the wall

i dont even read posts that are more than 30 notes. its all just highly produced shlock made to be consumed by an audience, instead of real art. theres no heart. theres no rain. it stopped raining here 5 years ago and all the rivers have run dry and the postman (postwoman, because our town went woke) stopped showing up. i ran out of food and i dont like facebook. there are twelve matte black birds who caw ar the top of each hour and every day im getting closer to their last beautiful note. god help me