Entry #27, 12/15/19

Chapter 2

>>Kachan!<< Deku cheered loudly. The one who appeared to be Kachan stared at Izuku, with a glare that reminded Mary of those annoying little dogs, what were they called?  She appearently forgot at that point, but before she could continue thinking about it, she was cut off by him yelling: >>My name is BAKUGO! GET IT RIGHT, YOU IDIOT!<< He looked at Deku angrily, and Mary noticed many small explosions coming from his hands. Is that his quirk?, she asked herself. It most likely was, but you never know what kind of gadet that guy might have. And something that was even more questionable: How can anyone have such an attitude towards someone as cute and innocent as Deku? Was there more to him? Maybe he's like the Yandere girl from the video game she used to play so often and frequently? What was the game's name again..?

Mary was ripped out of her thoughts by a red haired boy with sharp teeth trying to calm Bakugo down. His teeth reminded her of a shark a bit. How can you have teeth shaped like that? , she silently questioned. Mary observed the whole situation quietly.  >>LET ME GO, KIRISHIMA!<< Bakugo snapped at the spiky-haired guy. So... Kirishima, huh? He looked like a genuinely nice person, smiling nicely even though he was holding down the angry... pomeranian, that's the name! She giggled to herself a little, acknowledging the resembelance. >>WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, EXTRA?!<< he spat in her face, his own now forming into a frown, only showing the upper row of one side of his teeth. Is that considered fletching your teeth if you're a human?, Mary started to think again. She was easily distracted, especially when something was confusing or a ''shower thought'', as her favorite platform dumblr called it. Though... this fell more into the first category. Meanwhile, Deku and Ururaka tried to calm down the still furious human incarnation of anger, alongside Sharky-Boi.

Mary was just watching the show, holding back a smirk, waiting for someone to hand her popcorn, when someone tapped her shoulder. She turned her head to see who it was, only to find someone extremely close to her face. She flinched and punched the person out of reflexes, and only then did she realize whose stomach exatly she just punched: that's right, it was Denki, the first person she interacted with. Is winking at someone an interaction? She pushed the thought aside and turned her attention to the yellow-haired boy. Her voice was dripping with regret and worry, and when she started blabering an excuse and asking for forgiveness, Kaminari just chuckled. >>Hey, it's okay, hun!~<< He finally said, and when he saw the confusion that was clearly visible on her face, added: >>You didn't punch me that hard. Besides, my awesome muscles wouldn't let any punch hurt me too bad~<<He smirked self confidently, trying to show off how ''cool'' he was. It was kinda cute, but she just scoffed. >>Suuuure.<< Mary laughed, while he looked at her, suspicion in his eyes. >>What do you mean by that?<<  >>I said ''Sure'', so what could I mean by that other than ''yes''?<< she asked sarcastically. He didn't seem to get it, and regained his bright smile. >>Oh, okay! Ithought you were being sarcastic! Bakugo said that people are sometimes sarcastic about things, and that you can spot sarcasm in the tone of voice... So I guess I got a little confused there, sorry!<< Seeing him smile like that... it made Mary wonder. Did he actually have a boyfriend? >>So, uh.. Denki, right?<< He nodded. >>Yep, that's me! Denki Kaminari, the greatest, smartest, funniest and coolest of them all!<< He flashed her that confident smirk again. It made her smile a little too, and she completely ignored Bakugo yelling behind her now. >>yep, great. Can I ask you a question though?<< Denki smirked. >>I knew you'd have questions about this great guy~<< he pointed to himself with his thumbs. Mary looked at him and asked very straight-forward:

><Do you have a boyfriend?<<

Kaminari looked confused. >>Uh... wh-... what?<<

>>I asked if you had a boyfriend<<, Mary repeated. >>N-No? I'm... not gay???<< She carefully inspected him from head to toe once again. >>oh... Sorry! Do you have a girlfriend then?<< Wow, good job fucking things up. You couldn't ask if he was gay first, could ou? Nope, just jump straight to assumptions. >>I.. don't, but I could totally get any girl around if I wanted one!<< He blushed a little out of embarressment. >>Of cooooourse you could. No doubt.<< She said, once again sarcastically. He didn't seem to get it now, either, so Mary just gave up on sarcasm. >>Finally someone agrees! Most people just say ''no'' when I say that..!<< >>I wonder why.<< Mary replied before laughing slightly. She remembered that there was a dog she had to meet, and turned around to a grumpy, not-yelling Bakugo, an apologetic Kirishima, and a scared Deku. Ururaka was nowhere to be seen. Come on Mary, you can do this. It's only a guy with a temper, and it's not like you've never met anyone like that.

She went a little closer to him, gave him her best smile, and began talking. >>Hey, nice to meet you! I'm Mary, what's your name?<< She already knew his name, but she wanted to make a good impression and be polite. >>Name's Bakugo.<< He said angrily. >>Is that all? Then fuck off.<< While saying those words he had a little sparkle in his eyes, something Mary didn't really understand. What could it be? Anger? Frustration? Or does he just really like to insult people? She kept that in mind, but pushed away those thoughts as well. She had enough time in class to think about it. For now, she just decided to leave him alone, since he looked really pissed. >>Alright, it was nice to meet you!<< She smiled even wider. Bakugo looked at her a little off, but then caught himself again and grumbled a >>Yeah, great.<< And with that, she walked back to her seat, where the next person was already waiting for her.

 >>H-Hey beautiful~<< He said with hunger in his eyes. >>Hello!<< She smiled at him, not wanting to be rude. >>Do you n-need someone to show you around?<< he smirked pervertedly, his eyes getting even hungrier after seeing her smile. >>Nope! I already have Midoriya, Denki and Ururaka to help me out, but thank you anyways!<< She sat down at her desk, and he.. started to drool? And it didn't seem like he was giving up any time soon. Ugh. >>I c-could help you find th-the changing rooms, a-and then we could-<< He was cut off by Iida pulling him back. >>MINETA! STOP THAT OUTRAGOUS BEHAVIOR OF YOURS THIS INSTANT!<< Iida proceeded to drag Mineta away from Mary, who let out a sigh of relief. She didn't notice herself starting to smirk when she began to think of ways on how to best torture him. Little did she know the pink skinned girl was watching the entire scene, so she just decided to go and say hi. >>Hey, sorry about him. That was Minoru Mineta, he's kinda like the class pervert, alongside Denki. Though... Denki is just flirtacious. Mineta is full on ''spying on the girls''-kinda perverted. So you better stay away from him, or you might get... touched, let's say that. I'm Mina, by the way!<< Mina smiled brightly. Mary smiled back, wondering why Mina had just started talking to her. Was I staring at her? Did she watch me? Or does she really just want to be nice? >>Now, you gotta tell me, why was your introduction all formal and stuff?<<

Mary had to laugh. >>I guess I just imagined everyone here to be all serious, so I spent hours on trying to figure out the right words, and now I think I just looked awkward...?<< Mina joined her giggling. >>Oh, I had the same fear. I thought everyone was gonna be boring and strict about rules, but turns out Iida is the only one really strict about things here.<< She laughed, and Mary casted a glance to Tenya, who was still scolding Mineta for being unrespectful. They joked around a bit, about Mineta being a perv, about Mina being together with him, and the two girls shared a good laugh. Just like in old times... Mary sighed. Then she saw a teacher come in, ready to start class, so she and Mina had to part ways. After the class greeted the teacher, Mary looked around to see if anyone was looking at her. Damn paranoia...

To her surprise, there was actually someone looking at her. No, not someone, sometwo. One of them turned around when he noticed that Mary noticed him, a slight blush spreading on his cheeks while looking embaressed, and the other one...

was the drooling Mineta.

>>End chapter 2<<

Entry #10, 8/8/19

So as you might know: I'm a German. And you might also know that Germany started and was involved in quite some wars. Now, let me state my case:

There was a plane/drone/helicopter flying very, very low. It kept on flying over ''my'' part of the city, and only that part. I am so fkn paranoid when it comes to war and apocalypses and all that, so I am currently trying to figure out what it was. I know, I'm making wayy too much drama, but I'm just very very very careful when it comes to these kind of things. Plus, another worrying fact: it's 2 in the morning. Everything is pitch black. That was the only sound to be heard in the silence of the night, and I goddamn hate it.

Entry #29, p.3

Welp, this one is going to be short. So: nothing really happened on the majority of the 26th, but at about 6pm, when 0 went to take a shower, * and ___ got into a huge argument. Before it started me and my niece were in the kitchen with the two. I was drawing, my niece watched me, everything was going good. But then * started to tell my mother about how the behavior of 0 is unacceptable for someone her age and that she’s getting treated like a princess etc. My mother (obviously) denied it, and then they started yelling in Spanish. *’s boyfriend got my niece out of the kitchen and went to watch a movie with her and my nephew. I just sat at the table, silently looking down at my sketchbook, a blank expression on my face... I didn’t know what to do. I hate it when the adults, especially my family members, fight. I always feel so small and unimportant when they do... after a while, I felt like I’ve heard enough, but instead of going to the kids, I went up to my niece’s room and sat down there. I started talking to myself, crying, and soon enough I tried to calm myself down again. I felt like a helpless child, crying in the dark like that... and very pathetic. So, the only thing that came into my mind, was going to the others. After that, I was called into the kitchen, needed to apologize for how I talked to * while I was on vacation, then went back to watching the movie.

Aaaand that was everything. Nothing more happened, and honestly... I’m kinda glad about that. Cuz if something would’ve happened, it would’ve been something negative. So I’ll just say goodbye! Love ya :3

Happy new year, by the way! May it be better than any you ever had and bring you lots of love, luck and fortune!

I’ll see you, my lil Nekos~

~Mary~

I'm so very sorry to announce that I, Mary, am starting to watch ''a lot'' of shows and animes lately. My apologies.

Entry #14, 9/10/19

I survived (obviously). The food was definitely not worth the price, but hey, at least it was edible. I should actually get ready for school right now (it turned 5:54 this second), but who cares. I just wanted to say that I'm alive, and stuff has been going easy on me. I'll go to my therapist later today, so that'll be something to look forward to.

Someone else apparently had my block recommend to them (or a post) again, and decided to like it. Why is this even shown to anyone? And in which universe would this be interesting?

Anyways, I'll go now. So bye!

Entry #29, 1/1/20

Hey there, everyone! (Or no one, depending on the audience I have... or not have ^^°) Anyways! I hope your holidays have been good! Mine have been... okay, I guess. But lemme start at the beginning like a normal person-

Before I get started, I’ll describe the way the home of my big sister is built so it won’t get confusing. So. The house they live in is three stories high: the ground floor belongs to my sister’s parents-in-law. Almost the whole flat there belongs to them; only the entrance hall is like a ‘‘common area’‘ and can be used by everyone. The 1st floor is parted in two flats, both belonging to my sis and her boyfriend. The bigger one is their normal living space, where they have most essential things like their kitchen, main bathroom and their bedrooms. The smaller one is only for my sis and her boyfriend, and maybe a guest that stays with them. That flat consists of a gaming/movie room for her bf, a smoking room for my sis, and a guest bedroom. Each flat also has their own bathroom: the smaller one has a small bathroom that only the males are allowed to use, the bigger one has a big/medium sized bathroom that only females are allowed to use. Now, onto the 2nd floor: it’s above the bigger flat, and just consists of two rooms, the children’s rooms. My niece and my nephew each have their own room, both built the same so they don’t fight. Now that you have a good image of what their house looks like, let’s get onto the actual blog!

So! My little sister (Who will be called 0/O from now on), ___ and I went to my big sister’s (her ‘’code’’ is *) place to spend the holidays with her, her boyfriend and her kids. The first day went quite well. We arrived, ate and I went to sleep in my niece’s room with her. On the 24th, I woke up at about 8 am- 2 hours before we started preparing breakfast. We went downstairs (to the kitchen), ate, and did whatever. Then, at about 5pm, * told us to go and get dressed festively, because we were eating in the entrance hall with her parents-in-law. I put on a hoodie, but apparently that wasn’t festive enough, so she gave me one of her tank-tops and wool jackets. (I’d just like to add that I hate, an I can’t stress this enough, HATE tank-tops. She knows that, but makes me wear them anyways, because ‘‘you have the right body for it’‘. Wer schön sein will muss leiden, I guess... even though I don’t want to-) She made me take a couple of pictures of her with ‘her part of the family’ (her kids, boyfriend and dogs), and after made me pose with my little sister and mother. I didn’t want to, but she said she’d give me chocolate, and honestly I thought it would’ve just been childish to be like ‘‘BuT i DoN’t WaNt To’‘, so I did. And it was only one picture. (One too much if you ask me-) Then we went downstairs to eat. The food was good, but I got a stomachache halfway-through the meal. I asked my sister for meds, and she said she’d go and see if they had any, buuut... she didn’t. I thought that she forgot, but in case she didn’t and just didn’t want to, I left it at that. I didn’t want her to be mad at me for being ‘impatient’, even though I got more and more uncomfortable with every second. Nonetheless, I forced myself to have a good time, because hey, it was Christmas eve, and I should enjoy the time I spend with my family and ignore a small, unimportant thing like a mild stomachache. So I did. And it was fun! I think... I mean the others seemed to have fun, and I tried real hard to find any emotion at all inside of me! ...but, you guessed it, I failed. There wasn’t a spark of anything; no happiness, no sadness, no nothing. It’s kinda sad if you think about it. I spent Christmas eve the best way possible, but didn’t feel the fun I should’ve had. One more reason to get ‘em back!

Anyways... after the meal we went to sleep, and when I got woken up by my niece the next morning (I was still sleeping on a mattress in her room), she had already been downstairs. She told me about all of the presents that were in the living room, and when my sister fake-woke up and yelled ‘‘OH MY GOD KIIIDS; SANTA WAS HEEEREEEE’‘ like an absolute madman, everyone assembled in the living room.

I’ll make a lil cut here to make it easier for you to read, the next part of the story will be published shortly! <3

~Mary~

Side entry #1, 9/10/19

The fifth grader I talked about, that looked like me, you remember her, right? Turns out she's growing to be more like me; she has a little- twist, let's call it that- and already wanted to stab someone in the hand with her scissors. I couldn't be prouder. Such great potential, in such a small human... a fragile one for the time being. But she'll grow stronger, I know it, I can feel it...

Memories #1

Reminder: TW. Verbal and implied/threatened physical abuse, lying

It was just after I moved in with my sis. We were cleaning the room I would be staying in by chucking all of the furniture out of my window into one of those big containers, listening to Matt's music. We were all having good fun, I don't think she was mad or anything. It was mainly me and Matt working, but the kids helped. Back then, Maya wasn't as much of a little [nice person], but José didn't like me cuz he hadn't gotten used to me yet. Things seemed more or less normal, yet I couldn't help but feel a certain pressure. I thought it would get better over time. I thought maybe if I got used to the rules... and it was so big of a change... and with the new environment.... I should've listened to my intuition. I kept saying "It's too late to get out of it now, you're already here and started to renovate and everything", hoping I was wrong and it wouldn't be as bad. The change came gradually; at first, she was super sweet to me. Not even two months later she screamed at me for the first time and I got to see the best side of her. It's not that she hadn't chastised me before, but she never raised her voice like that.... or thrown kitchen utensils at me or the kids. As the children and I were on the ground, gathering the knives, forks and spoons on all fours, she kept screaming and throwing things, and that was the first time she threatened to hit me. She raised her hand to grab something else very close to me and I flinched. She berated me for it, saying I've never been hit before and so I shouldn't act like it, that I don't have the right to react that way. I don't remember much else from what she said, mainly calling us selfish and lazy (which, as you will notice, she did a lot) and reminding me that I could always move out if I don't want to comply with her rules (which is also something you'll hear a lot). The most memorable part of that entire situation is the fact that when she stopped screaming and came back from smoking outside, she smirked at me and said "Now you saw that I can get a bit mad sometimes." The idiot I was I told her it's fine. I didn't want her to get mad again. God, I was so scared, I wanted to get the hell out of there first chance I get. But then I kept getting deeper and deeper in the legal process of everything, and, in the end, I just,,,, didn't say anything. I kept lying to authorities to not cause any trouble. Telling CPS I'm doing great here, that we sometimes fight but only in the fashion normal for siblings, and every time I said something I would look at her for approval and to see if I had said something wrong. I didn't want to make her mad or look bad in front of these people.

Entry #33, 14/4/20

I’m so sorry I stopped updating! I kinda forgot I had a blog--- but I’ll try to remember and update more often from now on!

Anyway... a quick summary of what happened (of course with the help of my diary because I forget everything way too fast):

1.: Me and my ‘‘best’‘ friend Cel stopped talking. She barely has any time anymore, so I gave up on trying to contact her. I told her how i felt about the whole situation, and kinda--- emotionally detached from her again?? I came to terms with the fact that we won’t talk anymore, but instead of breaking off contact I decided to keep her as a ‘‘friend’‘ for roleplaying, cuz she’s the only one I have a bnha-roleplay with.

2.: The guy from the German equivalent of child services was here twice, and we’ll probably get the family-helper peeps after this whole ‘‘situation’‘ with the pandemic is over.

3.: Pesto (my ex-bestie) texted me a while back. I said i would give him a second chance, but honestly... I was really disappointed when I found out he hadn’t killed himself. I tried to make him do it passive-aggressively, but he got a gf and his mental health was very good in general, so I’ll just wait until he has another depressive-episode (he’s bipolar)...

4.: A guy from my school, that I literally talked to once before and that we’ll call Dennis, asked a good friend of mine (Freddie) if he could get my number. Freddie told me and asked if I was okay with him giving Dennis my number, I said yes... big mistake. Dennis started texting me every twenty minutes, it got really annoying, but I was too scared to hurt his feeling, so I didn’t tell him off. He started talking to me in school too, gave me a drawing (a bad one at that) and just made me really uncomfortable in general. After getting a bit of advice from a couple other girls I told him I was uncomfortable with texting him, he said he understood, but was clearly hurt by what I said (I tried to be as nice as possible!). Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him right now... >~<°

5.: I got an interview for a politics-project I need for school. It went well, I got all the info I needed, yeet.

And since I’m a meanie, I saved the best for last:

I got a girlfriend!~~ (31.3.20 UwU) She’s in all of the discord servers I’m in, and even before we got together we talked super often and complimented each other constantly... She’s super cute! Whenever I talk to her I feel so much lighter, happier and just overall better...~ and if you’d have asked past me if I could ever imagine getting a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend as my first ever relationship, I’d have shouted ‘‘No way!’‘- and now look where that got me. It’s not even like I was homophobic, I just thought it was weird for me to like a girl because that’s just how I was raised. (My gramps was a really religious christian, and of course the whole ‘‘very religious grandpa’‘ stereotype wouldn’t be complete without a heaping pile of homophobia...) Now I’m happily in love, I even imagined how awesome it would be to move in together, adopt a kid and get married... which I never could before (with anyone, not just girls) without feeling a little weird about it. But now I can imagine all I want and even feel like it’s the right thing to do!~ God, I could go on and on about how much I love her... <3

There’s something else I want to address as well tho, so no can do. I got into a fight with my mother just a couple days ago, and I’m giving her the Todoroki-Treatment again (I talk to her as little as possible, and when I do, I have a monotone voice and neutral expression). She accused me of so many things I didn’t do, and even said to my face that I was born as [deadname] and will always stay [deadname]. I’m using the word deadname not because I’m trans (cuz that’s where it’s actually supposed to be used), but because I hate the name I was born with and don’t want to be addressed with the name that I link so many bad memories with. The very next day, she took away my phone and laptop because I was ‘’disrespectful’‘. The day after that, (12.4.20, Easter+ my little sister’s b-day) she wanted to talk about what happened again and admitted she was wrong. She apologized, even wrote ‘‘Mary’‘ on an egg custom-filled with chocolate to ‘‘buy’‘ my happiness in a way. Didn’t work. She was just being really pathetic... like always after a fight when she ‘’regrets saying those things and that she actually didn’t mean them’‘. I’m just in complete control whenever that happens, and it’s really awesome bc I can make her feel really bad by just not talking to her lmao-

Anyway, that was all that happened. I’ll let you know when something interesting is going on. Bai! ^^

Entry #25, 11/22/19

I am excited to announce that I found out some more stuff about him, and that he has taken notice of my existence! Now, let me be more clear:

First off, his brother’s name. We’ll call him Timothy for the hecc of it. I overheard the boy (let’s call him Raph) calling his brother by that while I was listening in on a conversation they had, hehe~ I also found out their last name while looking on a list one of the ‘‘caretakers’‘ let me look at; it’ll be Willson for now. So it’s Timothy and Raph Willson. I feel like such a sneaky stalker, ehehe~

Onto the second part: he actually watched me for a short while. I was just playing ‘‘Activity’‘ with Yuri (a transgender [now] female) and a few other girls of the group, while all of the others were out swimming. In a pool, that is. It’s way too cold to swim in the sea now. Anyways; everyone was in the pool, except for me, Yuri, the girls and Raph and a friend of his. Those two were just playing Uno all day long. After some time, it was my turn to explain something. I did my best (and apparently my best is pretty good, because they got it right quite fast most of the time), and then I notice that Raph is looking my way. I did my best to ignore him, and just continue with the game. Soon after, the same thing repeated. That made me wonder... why does he look at me? Was I too loud? Can’t be, he didn’t look annoyed. Maybe he was just curious. Yeah, most likely.  I mean... I guess it just wasn’t his turn.

Oh, look at the time run. I’ve got to go! See you soon~