Side Entry #1, 9/10/19

As I said earlier, I prefer no or foreign vocals, but of course there is always an exception. So here, have more good songs. Good in my opinion, that is. Pun intended.

Hamilton with bnha

Quirk, Quirk

Angelica

Quirk, Quirk

Eliza~

And Peggy

The hero sisters~

It's 1:50 guys pls help

Entry #7

I started working out yesterday, and I kind of scheduled my days now. Until 5 pm: cleaning and free time, from 5-6 pm: working out, 6-7 (or 7:30) pm: cooking. I like my life more when it follows a schedule, since everything is planned through and nothing new comes my way. I need a structure in life, else I'll feel uncomfortable.

Pesto was just joking. He's not with her yet, but they get along better with every day. I'm really proud of him.

I started watching Boku no hero academia and Death note. They're good animes, I recommend checking them out someday.

I've got nothing left to say. Goodbye!

Entry #24, 11/20/19

Greetings. I am currently on the ‘vacation’ I told you about in the last entry. The journey yesterday was beyond burdensome. My sister didn’t want to help move the luggage and basically just pouted the whole time, because ‘‘It’S tOo HeAvY’‘, and my mother (whom I will refer to as Voldemort from now on) was just there, not doing anything about my little sister’s laziness. Apparently (according what she said) I was a lazy piece of sh- when I watched over the remaining luggage instead of helping moving it around. Most likely because she had to help Voldemort.

After our arrival, though, things have been pretty great. I/We have a ‘‘flat’‘ in the second house; it has a small bathroom (but still big enough to fit a shower, toilet and sink), a bedroom with two beds and a table, and a ‘‘main area’‘, where there is another bed, two cupboards and a table. All in all, it would be pretty cozy and great... if there wasn’t my mother packing it with tons and tons of stuff. She has a cupboard full of food, even though we get served breakfast, lunch and dinner, and has packed 3, I repeat, 3 suitcases for her alone.

>>one is for arts and crafts, one is my luggage and one is for your very thick clothing.<<, she said. I think now might be the appropriate time to inform you that I packed my own suitcase with everything I need. After all, I am old enough to pack my own clothes etc.

Moving on to today: I woke up at 6.30, went to have breakfast, then straight to the ‘‘school’‘, only to be greeted by about 15 kids under the age of 11. I did the only thing I could think of, and sat down at a lonely table in the corner of the room. Only a few minutes later, a kid sat down next to me and we just kinda started to play a random game. Soon after, another boy (about 9) sat down with us and just joined the game. The entire group then sat in a circle, and we started telling each other our names. I don’t remember many of them, but there was one boy that stood out. After saying his name, he stated that he would turn 14 in three days (just like me), and just said that he hates people. It was too relatable to actually be true. And as if that wasn’t enough, he also has a little sibling of his own gender (just like me #2). I don’t know his brothers name, though. Nor his last name. But I will hopefully find out soon. Why not stalk him a little, eh?~

Ah, it’s getting late. I will go to bed now, goodbye and goodnight you beautiful people~

Mary out~

Entry #22, part 2

And of course I forgot something. The whole ‘‘Pesto’‘ situation. Long story short, I confronted him, he told me that ‘‘If I wasn’t going to accept him the way he is, I should block him/ stop talking to him.’‘ For your information, I asked him to stop insulting the things I like to spend time on, he said ‘‘BuT iT’s SaRcAsM’‘ and that he ‘‘wouldn’t change himself for me’‘.

>>You’re being kinda rude, please stop<<

>>Oh so you don’t accept me for the person I am? I won’t change my way of talking. What makes you think I would? Just because you told me multiple times that I’m hurting your feelings and that I’m making you question your whole exsistence?<<

May I just quickly say this: he told me that pride flags are bullsh-, because only countries need flags. He made me, I’d even say forced me to throw away a bookmark I made by hand, with a lot of effort and love put into it, just because it had the Gay and Bi pride flag on it (each has their own side, so one side of it is rainbow colored and the other pink, purple and blue). I didn’t actually throw it away, I just put it somewhere I knew I’d find it later, and I’m currently using it again.

Needless to say, I wished him a long and happy life, and blocked him on every social media, including discord, but forgot to block his actual number, and he texted me a few minutes after, saying:

>>Great that you thought of doing this for longer and not telling me about it. For your information, no, I won’t have neither a happy nor a long life.<<

I explained that basically telling me he’d kill himself wouldn’t change my mind, that that’s just toxic of him to say and that I’ve made up my mind. I said my goodbyes once again, and lastly blocked him there too.

I’ve always been supportive, no matter what he did. I reassured him it was going to be fine, helped him to deepen the bond between him and a girl he liked/s, prevented him from comitting suicide and tried to be as good of a friend as I could be. Now, I’m just asking myself if I made him behave like that. Maybe he just copied my behavior? What if he lied to me, and I was actually a horrible person towards him? What if I was the toxic one in the friendship?

I’ll think about this and maybe update later on, I don’t know about it though. We’ll see. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent like this. I’ll see you soon, goodbye.

Another one of the songs that I listen to relatively frequently. I find the melody very calming, which is one of the main reasons I am so in love with this masterpiece. The band it’s from, MISSIO, is very good in general... at least I think so. Of course, anyone is allowed to have their own opinion on this blog. Honestly, I just don’t care. I think more people should just mind their own business. For instance, why would you give a single floop if someone is part of the LGBTQ+? Just mind your own business. Why would you judge other people because of their hobbies, interests etc? Just mind your own business. I simply don’t understand why you would make your and someone else’s day worse by complaining about their taste in music, just because they listen to Twenty One Pilots instead of Panic!At The Disco, or like K-Pop more than Rap. I personally don’t like any of the listed genres or bands, but my best friend loves P!atd, and I respect that. Or, more acurately, I don’t give a damn. Wow, this turned from music to a rant about my class. They gossip about everyone and everything. They called me ‘‘EmO’‘ and ‘‘GoTh’‘ because I wore all black one day. To be fair, I also had on my dark blue lipstick. They even talk about each other behind their backs. If they are talking about me, they don’t even bother to hide it. for instance, I’m a slut, because I have more male than female friends. I just get along with guys better. They are funnier to be around, and the girls from my class are literally the ‘‘other girls’‘ that are being described by the r/notlikeothergirls-girls. They only talk about make-up, horses (One has a horse) and when they went shopping where. A girl from my spanish class though (I don’t know if I already talked about her), she’s really cool. We share our love for anime, Hamilton/Musicals in general, drawing, memes, music and a couple more things. I get along with her great, and there are a few more girls from her class that are really laid back and funny. They’re fun to be around, so it’s sad to say I only see them about twice a week... ah, this is already way too long. sorry and thank you for reading. I’ll see you around if you choose to stick with me. Goodbye :)

Entry #28, 19/12/19

Hello!~

So, how has your week been? I hope it was better than mine! I had to (re-)take three exams! One in English, one in biology and another in math today! I am allowed to retake the math one, because I wasn’t there when they started the new subject, and I am really glad my teacher understands that I need more time to study. (Especially cuz I’m stupid---) Anyways, enough from school. Let’s get to the school changing part instead~ So, I basically had to choose a new school to change to, because the other’s a private school, and that would miss the whole point of changing schools. Instead of a private school, I picked a public school near the other I chose before.

OH. MY. CHINCHILLA. Peeps, I just remembered that MCR will start their reunion tour tomorrow! I am absolutely THRILLED to hear the new album they’re definitely gonna drop soon, right? Of course they would. They’d give us all the best gift for Christmas that one could ask for. Right?

Ah floop, I just realized I still have stuff to do. I’ll see you soon!

The edgy emeow~

Entry #22, 11/5/19

Hello, everyone. I’ve found the time and ways to finally update. I got a laptop, and I’m still figuring out how to actually work with it, but I’m managing. At least I can continue writing my story without having to wait 5 hours for my computer to boot up and the program to start. I should probably add, that this is my first laptop since I could never really afford one, but my mother got this one (which was her old one before) fixed, and she has a new one. Hooray for me. Anyways. I wanted to let all of you (aka nobody in particular, just future me) know, that my tumblr app, which I used before to post and all, has an error that makes me unable to use it. That’s why I wasn’t able to post. But since I’ve got a solution for that problem now, I should be able to post more or less regularly.

Apart from that, not much has been going on. I am aware that I’m not doing enough for school and I didn’t do my homework, I should probably study right now rather than updating here, but am I going to do so? No, of course not. Why? Well, mainy because I don’t want to. I should bring some dicipline into my life, I know, but who needs dicipline when they can have fun? Or at least not be annoyed or unhappy. My personal opinion is, that you should do what makes you happy, but you should also work for your happiness. Nothing is free in this world.

Ah, another day, another rant. but I should (rather want to) lay down in my bed now, and probably either read or draw. I wish everyone a good night, evening or morning, goodbye.

Entry #21, 22/10/19

Apologies for my inactivity. I was at my big sister's place, and for obvious reasons I had no time to keep you updated.

Now that that's all cleared up... I have news. I got alcohol markers today! (From Touch, if anyone's wondering.) They're my first ones, and I of course already tried them out. I'll show you the result in the following post, maybe I'll publish all the pictures I took (from sketch to shading). Depends on if I want to or not. I personally think it turned out alright for my first attempt, and the fact that I was kinda experimenting with the thickness of the fineliner and the darkness of the shadows. I'm actually surprised I got the sketch not to look like absolute garbage, unlike normally.

I've decided to question my friendship with Pesto. He made fun of my interests (especially watching Anime and reading Warrior Cats), always tries to make me stay in a call with him by saying

You're just going because you don't like me.

Even after I said I'm tired. I immediately thought of it as toxic behavior, but ignored it, not noticing how much I wanted to avoid any conversation.

Yep, that's pretty much everything that has happened.

I'll see you around!

-Mary

Entry #17, 9/15/19

Ah, my big sis just asked if we were home. I don't know why, I just kind of... get uncomfortable talking to her. It's more of a forced niceness, I don't really trust her... she's asking a lot of questions, too. I mean yes, it's okay to ask, but she's just so... blunt about it. And she wants to know everything. Not just some things, no, every information there might be. And I can't tell anyone near me about this because they'll judge me. ''She just cares about you'' ''stop being so sensitive'' ''she just wants to be up to date'', heard it all before. On other occasions, that is, since I never told anyone about this. And I feel way better now I got this off my chest... emotions are such a weird thing, aren't they?

I don't get the whole point of emotions. They say ''the positive emotions you feel make life worth living''. Does that mean my life isn't worth living? I mean, they don't bring anything but pain and suffering, right? Ugh, I'm such an uneducated potato when it comes to things like this... I just don't get the whole point. Think about it, then tell me what you came up with. I'm curious to hear what others think.

Anyways, to the events of the past few days. Yesterday and the day before that I was outside, for at least three hours each day. It was fun being outside, away from everyone. I went to the fields nearby, watched the sun slowly but surely set over the woods, it was just so... beautiful... I love that place, and I'll definitely go again some time soon!

That was all. Goodbye!