Entry #7

Entry #21, 22/10/19

Apologies for my inactivity. I was at my big sister's place, and for obvious reasons I had no time to keep you updated.

Now that that's all cleared up... I have news. I got alcohol markers today! (From Touch, if anyone's wondering.) They're my first ones, and I of course already tried them out. I'll show you the result in the following post, maybe I'll publish all the pictures I took (from sketch to shading). Depends on if I want to or not. I personally think it turned out alright for my first attempt, and the fact that I was kinda experimenting with the thickness of the fineliner and the darkness of the shadows. I'm actually surprised I got the sketch not to look like absolute garbage, unlike normally.

I've decided to question my friendship with Pesto. He made fun of my interests (especially watching Anime and reading Warrior Cats), always tries to make me stay in a call with him by saying

You're just going because you don't like me.

Even after I said I'm tired. I immediately thought of it as toxic behavior, but ignored it, not noticing how much I wanted to avoid any conversation.

Yep, that's pretty much everything that has happened.

I'll see you around!

-Mary

Another one of the songs that I listen to relatively frequently. I find the melody very calming, which is one of the main reasons I am so in love with this masterpiece. The band it’s from, MISSIO, is very good in general... at least I think so. Of course, anyone is allowed to have their own opinion on this blog. Honestly, I just don’t care. I think more people should just mind their own business. For instance, why would you give a single floop if someone is part of the LGBTQ+? Just mind your own business. Why would you judge other people because of their hobbies, interests etc? Just mind your own business. I simply don’t understand why you would make your and someone else’s day worse by complaining about their taste in music, just because they listen to Twenty One Pilots instead of Panic!At The Disco, or like K-Pop more than Rap. I personally don’t like any of the listed genres or bands, but my best friend loves P!atd, and I respect that. Or, more acurately, I don’t give a damn. Wow, this turned from music to a rant about my class. They gossip about everyone and everything. They called me ‘‘EmO’‘ and ‘‘GoTh’‘ because I wore all black one day. To be fair, I also had on my dark blue lipstick. They even talk about each other behind their backs. If they are talking about me, they don’t even bother to hide it. for instance, I’m a slut, because I have more male than female friends. I just get along with guys better. They are funnier to be around, and the girls from my class are literally the ‘‘other girls’‘ that are being described by the r/notlikeothergirls-girls. They only talk about make-up, horses (One has a horse) and when they went shopping where. A girl from my spanish class though (I don’t know if I already talked about her), she’s really cool. We share our love for anime, Hamilton/Musicals in general, drawing, memes, music and a couple more things. I get along with her great, and there are a few more girls from her class that are really laid back and funny. They’re fun to be around, so it’s sad to say I only see them about twice a week... ah, this is already way too long. sorry and thank you for reading. I’ll see you around if you choose to stick with me. Goodbye :)

Now this is a beautiful picture. Majestic, mysterious.... just perfect.

Entry #32, 11/2/20

Bonjour, mes amis! I hope you’re doing well! ^^ There hasn’t been much going on lately, so I didn’t really have anything to tell you. I just wanted to quickly get out some facts about the school changing and put them out there.

So, number one: I won’t be able to change schools until after summer break. There’s no space in the classes right now, but hopefully they’ll accept me next year ^^

Second: Class starts at 7:50, so 10 minutes later than right now. I think it ends at about 12:45 as well, I’m not sure.

Yeah... not much, I know, but I didn’t intend this to be long anyway.

Oh, there is one more thing though! I got my report recently, and I only got 2 D’s this year! I’m honestly kinda impressed by myself, since I didn’t really study... But I want to change that! I need a really good report when I graduate, so I think I should start actually studying by now ^^° Anyways, that was it for now! Seeya soon!

~Mary~

Entry #15, 9/10/19

Oooh, on my way to my therapist's. I'm thrilled to see his reaction when I tell him what happened because of a single, innocent question... and after I asked him not to mention it, too. But the past is in the past. It was only a week ago, yet... it wasn't his fault, so why would he have much of a reaction?

Entry #24, 11/20/19

Greetings. I am currently on the ‘vacation’ I told you about in the last entry. The journey yesterday was beyond burdensome. My sister didn’t want to help move the luggage and basically just pouted the whole time, because ‘‘It’S tOo HeAvY’‘, and my mother (whom I will refer to as Voldemort from now on) was just there, not doing anything about my little sister’s laziness. Apparently (according what she said) I was a lazy piece of sh- when I watched over the remaining luggage instead of helping moving it around. Most likely because she had to help Voldemort.

After our arrival, though, things have been pretty great. I/We have a ‘‘flat’‘ in the second house; it has a small bathroom (but still big enough to fit a shower, toilet and sink), a bedroom with two beds and a table, and a ‘‘main area’‘, where there is another bed, two cupboards and a table. All in all, it would be pretty cozy and great... if there wasn’t my mother packing it with tons and tons of stuff. She has a cupboard full of food, even though we get served breakfast, lunch and dinner, and has packed 3, I repeat, 3 suitcases for her alone.

>>one is for arts and crafts, one is my luggage and one is for your very thick clothing.<<, she said. I think now might be the appropriate time to inform you that I packed my own suitcase with everything I need. After all, I am old enough to pack my own clothes etc.

Moving on to today: I woke up at 6.30, went to have breakfast, then straight to the ‘‘school’‘, only to be greeted by about 15 kids under the age of 11. I did the only thing I could think of, and sat down at a lonely table in the corner of the room. Only a few minutes later, a kid sat down next to me and we just kinda started to play a random game. Soon after, another boy (about 9) sat down with us and just joined the game. The entire group then sat in a circle, and we started telling each other our names. I don’t remember many of them, but there was one boy that stood out. After saying his name, he stated that he would turn 14 in three days (just like me), and just said that he hates people. It was too relatable to actually be true. And as if that wasn’t enough, he also has a little sibling of his own gender (just like me #2). I don’t know his brothers name, though. Nor his last name. But I will hopefully find out soon. Why not stalk him a little, eh?~

Ah, it’s getting late. I will go to bed now, goodbye and goodnight you beautiful people~

Mary out~

A song I currently enjoy a lot.

Entry #22, part 2

And of course I forgot something. The whole ‘‘Pesto’‘ situation. Long story short, I confronted him, he told me that ‘‘If I wasn’t going to accept him the way he is, I should block him/ stop talking to him.’‘ For your information, I asked him to stop insulting the things I like to spend time on, he said ‘‘BuT iT’s SaRcAsM’‘ and that he ‘‘wouldn’t change himself for me’‘.

>>You’re being kinda rude, please stop<<

>>Oh so you don’t accept me for the person I am? I won’t change my way of talking. What makes you think I would? Just because you told me multiple times that I’m hurting your feelings and that I’m making you question your whole exsistence?<<

May I just quickly say this: he told me that pride flags are bullsh-, because only countries need flags. He made me, I’d even say forced me to throw away a bookmark I made by hand, with a lot of effort and love put into it, just because it had the Gay and Bi pride flag on it (each has their own side, so one side of it is rainbow colored and the other pink, purple and blue). I didn’t actually throw it away, I just put it somewhere I knew I’d find it later, and I’m currently using it again.

Needless to say, I wished him a long and happy life, and blocked him on every social media, including discord, but forgot to block his actual number, and he texted me a few minutes after, saying:

>>Great that you thought of doing this for longer and not telling me about it. For your information, no, I won’t have neither a happy nor a long life.<<

I explained that basically telling me he’d kill himself wouldn’t change my mind, that that’s just toxic of him to say and that I’ve made up my mind. I said my goodbyes once again, and lastly blocked him there too.

I’ve always been supportive, no matter what he did. I reassured him it was going to be fine, helped him to deepen the bond between him and a girl he liked/s, prevented him from comitting suicide and tried to be as good of a friend as I could be. Now, I’m just asking myself if I made him behave like that. Maybe he just copied my behavior? What if he lied to me, and I was actually a horrible person towards him? What if I was the toxic one in the friendship?

I’ll think about this and maybe update later on, I don’t know about it though. We’ll see. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent like this. I’ll see you soon, goodbye.

Entry #4

It's still very warm, but not too hot. The weather app I use says it'll be around 19° at 3 am, so I guess I'll be able to sleep. At least it's colder than the nights before, and it's supposed to get colder over the next couple of days.

My best friend (the girl, let's call her... Sophie) has a doctor's appointment today, so she couldn't answer me until now.

I had the day for myself. I was writing in my diary a lot, just going through the people that are dropping out of my class or out of my school completely, the ones that are new, etc. There's no big difference, but we will have a new student. How about we refer to him as Justin for now? As I said, he'll be a new ''member'' of my class, and I really hope he's a nice dude. All of the other guys are just such imbiciles at times. Most of them hate me, some just can't stand me, and there may be a few that kinda like me, but wouldn't talk to me alone. So my hopes are high that he's actually someone reasonable. We'll also get new teachers. Nice ones, hopefully. Maybe I'll get back my old french teacher; he was way better at teaching than the one we have now is. Or had before vacation started. I also dislike my German and Math teachers a lot. They are both pretty annoying, and don't give a floop if you need help or not. ''YoU cOuLd HaVe LiStEnEd WhEn I wAs ExPlAiNiNg It'' too bad they both can't explain for shi-

Anyways. I think I should give some important people in my life names... so here goes.

Best friend (male): Pesto (that's his actual nickname.)

Best friend (female): Sophie

New student (male): Justin

Teachers: Imma start with that when I know for sure which teachers I have

My mother: Mom or Mum (too lazy to think of a name)

My oldest sister: Jessica

My older sister: Silvia

My younger sister: Lou

That's everything that matters for now. Maybe I'll add some people later.

Have a good one! ^^