Thebastardhyena - Tata And Farewell

Love the word "also". I have more things to say

"I drift in space, no oxygen // I suffocate again // Slow motion now, can't feel the ground // So wish me well, my friend

I disconnect reality // Like static on a TV screen // Feels just like a fever dream // When nothing's what it seems to be

Ask God to save me // But she won't take me, no

I'm in between the sky and sea // I'm floating in oblivion // I'm in between entrapped and free // I'm floating in oblivion

I'm in the middle of the best and worst of me // Hurts to breathe, can't believe I'm so lost // All I want is someone to find me // Bring me back from oblivion"

- Oblivion by Palaye Royale

Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018) dev. Rockstar Games

not now kitten daddy is too busy contemplating the minutia of death cult office politics to kiss

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★gloomy daze☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

Been having a rough time as of late but I still managed to get some artwork done after a long break from drawing. Inspired by a quote I saw here on tumblr. Also I hate doing backgrounds but they say practice makes it easier, so I persevere.