I Am Not Lost;

'I can't. It's too risky,' I tell myself, as I back away from the wings that lay in front of me, the ones that I yearn for, hope for. Live for. Those wings.

'I'm so close,' I argue, 'I've always wanted this.' Those wings.

I can imagine Icarus smiling at the stars burning in my eyes.

'Come,' he would say, 'Fly.'

I smile, closing my eyes, keeping those stars going supernova to myself. And I walk away. Those wings.

'I am no Icarus.'

You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

I don't want to live anymore

When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

I get that you might not be able to understand my point of view, but that doesn't mean that you misunderstand when I'm trying to convey. Don't twist my words to form those judgemental opinions of yours.

What's meant for you will be all yours at the end. The constellations are in your favour, so my little star-bright, what are you worried about?

I remember you.

- the invisible life of Addie LaRue by V.E Schwab

A cat lays in the sun

Belly up

Soaking in the warmth

His Sister comes by

What are you doing Brother

Trying

Said Brother

Trying?

Questioned Sister

With her black and white spots

Standing on end a bit

It appears you are doing nothing

She said

Does it?

He asked

Perhaps things are not

What they seem

He replied

And with that

He dragged himself up

Into a sitting position

I see you have moved

Said Sister

But sitting is not really trying

You think not?

Asked Brother

Quietly

I spent last night

Locked outside

Helping a friend who

Was cold and sad

That in turn made me

Cold and sad

This morning

When I came back in

I helped the Dog

Find its toy

(He always seems to lose it)

I’m tired

And a bit melancholy

So I’m trying to cheer up

By laying in the sun

This feels like real work

Like real trying

I see

Said Sister

You are trying very hard on the inside

And I couldn’t see that

So I assumed you were not trying

But now I see

I was wrong

Trying on the inside

May be the hardest trying there is

Thank you, Sister

Purred Brother

Thank you for trying to understand

Trying

Is everything

nothing can ever beat the combo of chai and a good book

Endings are what give stories meaning. I don’t know if I believe that. I think the whole story has meaning but I also think to have a whole story-shaped story it needs some sort of resolution. Not even a resolution, some appropriate place to leave it. A goodbye.

- Erin Morgenstern, The Starless Sea