But The World Is Strange And Endings Are Not Truly Endings No Matter How The Stars Might Wish It So.

You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

The night sky see's it all~

02.01.23

Okay, so I need to start studying like crazy. Today I visited an academy which helps you prep for exams in the evening. I'll be joining it from tomorrow. I realised that I'm not just paying for learning, but for time allocation as well. I'm paying them to take my time so that I can get my life together. I hate how my self-accountability in terms of studying went downhill. I'll be waking up at 4 am from tomorrow.

'I can't. It's too risky,' I tell myself, as I back away from the wings that lay in front of me, the ones that I yearn for, hope for. Live for. Those wings.

'I'm so close,' I argue, 'I've always wanted this.' Those wings.

I can imagine Icarus smiling at the stars burning in my eyes.

'Come,' he would say, 'Fly.'

I smile, closing my eyes, keeping those stars going supernova to myself. And I walk away. Those wings.

'I am no Icarus.'

Death is a strange thing. People live their whole lives as if it does not exist, and yet it's often one of the great motivations for living. Some of us, in time, become so conscious of it that we live harder, more obstinately, with more fury. Some need its constant presence to even be aware of its antithesis. Others become so preoccupied with it that they go into the waiting room long before it has announced its arrival. We fear it, yet most of us fear more than anything that it may take someone other than ourselves. For the greatest fear of death is always that it will pass us by. And leave us there alone.

- Fredrik Backman, A Man Called Ove

But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. Such a constellation was he to me.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

I seek for the universe yet it does not seek me back; a travesty, it called me.

The moon weeped the stars alive, and then me. It weeped me alive.

So mon amour, I am not just any travesty, but the moon's.

I am the moon's travesty.

I accepted because mysterious ladies offering bourbon under the stars is very much my aesthetic.

- Erin Morgenstern, The Starless Sea.

I get that you might not be able to understand my point of view, but that doesn't mean that you misunderstand when I'm trying to convey. Don't twist my words to form those judgemental opinions of yours.

I can't deal with physical loss. I'd rather lose you to someone else than lose you to the earth. Come back, love.

We are all stardust and stories.

- Erin Morgenstern, The Starless Sea