The Bulk Of My Cookies And Crime Art Is Unintelligible Storyboards And Sketches But I Found Some Postable

yall

does anyone want to be my soulmate and marry me in a meadow with a bouquet of clover flowers and dandelions and the only guests are fireflies

the wedding colors are “who the hell cares” so wear whatever u want and i’ll wear a tux that matches. 

we can use ring pops for rings or we can use tacky plastic rings for children whichever one works for u

the void will officiate

our first dance will be to the sounds of cicadas. our second dance will be to mr brightside because it slaps.

thor, dragging loki out of the ark by the hood of their coat: come on loki, lighten up! meeting the avengers won’t be so bad! you might even make some friends!

loki: lies. i don’t make friends, especially not with superheroes. 

thor: what am i then?

loki: an inconvenience.

thor: you’re so mean. fine, be that way.

loki, standing in the corner while everyone else is catching up: *sulking*

peter parker, approaching cautiously: hi

loki, sighing, but smiling a little too: hello small child.

peter: i’m peter. and you’re loki, right?

loki: yes

peter: what are your pronouns?

loki: … what?

peter: i, uh, read some books on norse mythology, because i think thor is kinda cute, oh, no i just said that, oh no, i don’t mean it in a i want to date him way, he’s way too old for me, i just think he’s- uh, not relevant. anyways some of the books said that you weren’t always a guy, and i mean, that’s cool, awesome, i’m trans, it’s actually kind of cool to meet someone else who isn’t cis, oh, oh boy i’m rambling again anyways i just wanted to um. ask for your pronouns

loki: *tearing up* you… wanted to…

peter: SHIT! oh, fuck, i didn’t mean to swear. oh no. oh no. oh no i’m so sorry it probably wasn’t okay to ask you that it’s super personal and obviously you are very different from the mythology books i found i just thought that-

loki: i’m adopting you. 

god i crave being domestic with someone so bad??? i want to grocery shop with someone?? fight about which cereal is best?? buy socks and stupid shit together???

❤️✨🚪✊🌹🤗💋✨❤️

Emoji spell for your beloved to knock on your door again 

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Im an old school Dracula or vaguely old

types of vampires

old school dracula: dramatic, probably a theatre kid at some point, loud, likes black n white outfits with accents of red, v into long flowing clothes, fan of sharp eyeliner and a classic red lip, melancholic, sexual tension, will not shut up about being cursed to live as an immortal corpse, rambles a lot, weirdly big on manners, extemely attracted to morticia addams (like. almost too much)

vaguely old immortal: always has at least the top three buttons of their shirt undone, likes muted colors, likes soft makeup but doesn’t wear it a lot, uses weird turns of phrase or speaks poeticly, closed off (especially about their past), long nails for piercing the skin of those they feed on, wears a locket, stares off into space a lot, has called you a random name like “willamette” at least once, bad with technology, always making things unnecessarily philosophical, hasn’t had a haircut in at least a decade, bisexual

2000s bloodsucker: dark hair, emo and/or goth, whiny, dresses exclusively in black and gray, wears a ton of smeared black eyeshadow or no makeup at all (there is no in between), listens to either screamo or stuff like creature feature, big on layers, broods in the shadows, sleeps in a coffin, will throw rocks at your window at night to get your attention, shows off fangs at every opportunity, says a spooky catchphrase before drinking your blood

modern heartthrob vamp: piercing eyes, everything about their look is sharp and clean except their hair which is always messy, sort of preppy, plays a lot of instruments, well-liked but quiet, polite, would walk you home at night if you didn’t feel safe, never kills when they feed, does the single drip of blood falling down their chin thing, really into math or literature, knows a lot of random facts, can work an antique sewing machine as well as a smartphone, cries at sad movies, likes the rain

stressed new turn: anxious, usually confused or lost, disheveled, makes a big mess when they bite someone, has spent at least a week wandering the woods, has lots of cinematic “what have I become” moments while staring into the bathroom mirror, listens to keaton henson and daughter, has been wearing the same outfit for five days, always has a headache, messed up sleep schedule, dissociates, reads books about vampires at the library but is too embarrassed to check any out, existential guilt, secretly wishes they could apprentice with an older vampire, androgynous

goblin vamp: chaotic, shaved head or uncommon hairstyle, never tries to be discreet about being a vampire, likes parties/raves/concerts, drinks bloodbags like Kool-Aid jammers, dresses tacky, loves garlic bread, most likely has shitty stick n poke tattoos, thinks all vampire movies are hilarious, takes selfies in graveyards, trespasses a lot (especially into abandoned buildings), impulsive n reckless, either has a vulture culture blog or a punk aesthetic blog, listens to peppy indie music while feeding, very gay

reverse goth vamp: hair dyed bleach blonde, very friendly and talkative, loves animals, will babysit for you like whenever, likes hawaiian shirts and shorts, favors light and bright colors, surfer aesthetic, vampire positivity, wears a ton of sun screen and big floppy hats so they can go out in the sun, pours blood on snow cones, only drinks from volunteers/blood doners, likes swimming, probably has SAD, loves cartoons (especially fun cartoons about monsters like Ruby Gloom), into pop or upbeat acoustic music, longboards or rollerblades, wears pronoun pins

vampire that everyone thinks is a werewolf: is a jock but only plays indoor sports, fairly hairy, all dogs love them, can drive, either wear their hair in a ponytail or down and unbrushed, cute smile, doesn’t like wearing makeup or dressing up, sweats or athleisure, good at party games, has gotten “yo dude I dare you to drink my blood” more than once, has accidentally gotten alcohol posioning from drinking too much drunk blood, goes out for runs at night, loves sleeping in, hunk/bear or butch

tag yrself

i won’t go down by myself but i’ll go down with my friends? right?

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

when the dysphoria kicks in

I need more Lestat getting IDed, being called “young man,” being talked to in a condescending manner, just more 20-years-old-and-looks-like-it. I want people complaining to him about millennials and “his generation”.

My intuition is clear + spot on.

🧿🌬💨🌥⛅️☀️⚡️🔥✨🔮👁🧠❤️🔮✨🔥⚡️🧿

This emoji spell will help clear any mental + blockages and spiritual doubts you may have. Your gut is always right, now you need to believe in it.

If you think you’re bugging or making things up in your head, this is the universe telling you are not making things up. You are receiving messages from the universe. Embrace it + trust in yourself. 🎯

Blessed be, bb.

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