My Take On People Reclaiming The R Slur, As Someone With Cognitive And Developmental Disabilities. Warning,

Communicating about problems is hard for me.

I don't know why. If I'm having a problem like I'm sick or I'm having a migraine or I can't do something, I can't just tell people that verbally. It gets harder to make my thoughts come out of my mouth. I stutter and I pause and I use a lot of filler words and even then, usually I can't actually say what's wrong. If I can manage to say it, I can't... like, if I tell my manager that I can't do a specific task right now and she pushes back and says there's no one else to do it or that if I can't do it she'll send me home, I can't stick up for myself. The second I meet a tiny bit of resistance, I always fold. I always try and force myself to stick it through. Even if it's an issue where I really, really need to go home, I can't communicate that with my words.

Writing out what I need to say is better. I can write out my thoughts and feelings way easier and better than I can speak them. So I write down what I want to say. I explain the issue, and I explain why said issue is causing a problem and why I need some intervention here. But even then, actually communicating with that is hard. Because it's hard to just hand my manager a note. It feels weird. Like, socially, it feels like I thing I absolutely should not be doing. But say I manage to give her the note. Now I need to explain why I am handing her this note and we're back to the first problem. And if she chooses to push back, I still can't help but fold.

I don't know what it is. But it's hard to deal with

boy it would be nice to be able to google something related to personality disorders, psychosis, intellectual disabilities, autism, DID/OSDD, etcetera without finding majority articles that are like “how to deal with a person with X” “how to cope with your child with X” “how to spot someone faking X” “can people with X be cured?”

sure there’s a ramp, but is it steep? is there a curb at the top? is the ground uneven? do i need a key for the elevator? are the aisles and doorways wide enough? do i have room to turn? is there furniture and clutter in my way? is the carpet difficult to wheel on? can i open the doors myself?

accessibility to wheelchairs is more than just a ramp.

years later House is still as relevant as he ever was

If you’re someone without a personality disorder trying to defend people with personality disorders, you get told that you’ve been manipulated and brainwashed and can’t be trusted.

If you’re someone with a personality disorder trying to defend yourself, you get told that you’re manipulative and dangerous and can’t be trusted.

There really is no way for us to win.

An unpopular opinion that actually makes sense when I explain why I have it. (Well makes sense if you're not abelist)

I'm not too fond of the "I don't want to be led by the people that ate off of led paint and played in asbestos." Criticism against baby boomers.

Obvious abelism aside (the criticism is implying that baby boomers are less fit to lead because asbestos and lead severely negatively impacts cognitive functioning.)

But both of these mass disabling events are centered around a lack of knowledge that asbestos and lead has such a severe impact on cognitive functioning.

And I don't like that because many people today are also victims of a mass disabling event caused by a lack of information.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

Up until 2013. The only fetal alcohol diagnosis that existed was Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. And it's caused by severe alcoholism in the pregnant person, and the baby tends to have withdrawals after they're born.

Back then. It was believed if you drank while pregnant, you could still get lucky, and your child can be born "completely fine".

But very recently (I think it was in the early 2000s?) People started saying "No. They're not 'completely fine'. They don't have the classic signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but they're still impacted by the alcohol on the developing fetus." And it was in 2013 they realized that yes. Even "just one or two glasses" causes Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

It's estimated 1 in 10 pregnant women between the ages of 15-41 have had alcohol in the past month and 1 in 5 first graders have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

Fetal alcohol syndrome is pretty well known. They have a distinct face shape and learning disability.

But fetal alcohol spectrum disorder can (but doesn't always) have specific facial features. Other symptoms include

Trouble with emotional regulation

Issues learning

Low body weight

Loss of coordination

Issues with empathy

Shorter height

Hyperactivity

Holding attention difficulties

And you're thinking "wow. That sounds a lot like my autism/ADHD diagnosis". Yeah. Since it's not well known in its mild forms. It's often misdiagnosed as autism/ADHD and often times the best way to know is by straight up asking your parents if there's any chance your mom drank while pregnant.

I asked my mom, and she was one of those strict "I didn't even dye my hair while pregnant because I thought the chemicals would seep through my skin and affect the baby."

But like...

Let's not make fun of baby boomers for being disabled due to a lack of knowledge? When a lot of us Millennials and GenZ are probably affected by a similar lack of information.

-fae

I feel like we don’t talk enough about how having chronic illness and/or chronic pain makes you irritable. It makes you grumpy. It can make you a not very fun person to be around. 

We don’t talk enough about the ugly sides of chronic illness/pain. The parts where you feel like a bad person not because of the pain in of itself but because everyone else thinks you are pushing them away. The times when you don’t bear it like a saint and the roughest edges of your personality come out. Where maybe you do hurt other people’s feelings. Its a complicated side of the experience thats resists an easy answer. 

what's the most upsetting ask you've ever received?

The one from last night where someone who claimed to be pro choice not only approved of aborting fetuses with Down Syndrome. In fact, they thought it should happen with every Down Syndrome pregnancy. I don't even want to post a screenshot of the ask.

There's also the death threats, suicide baiting, and rape threats, but those were for another blog.