Thank You For This, Cat That Is Somehow On Tumblr. The Moss Will Spare You.

No, the moss doesn't hurt me or make me think terrible things about myself. It is just generally off-putting and not very good at giving advice.

I love the moss. It tells me to do terrible things, but other than that, it's a very good friend and keeps me company all the time.

Did you date the chupacabra?

"Date" is a strong word. That's all I will say. I will not be elaborating.

hear me out: moss

The moss is asexual, so I will not hear you out. Unless this is an "it would be cool to hang out" hear me out. Then I would agree.

The kind we put up around the Shack that kept Bill out.

Grunkle Ford, I keep being harassed by different versions of Bill

Let me consult the moss.

"slurp their eyes through silly straws"

Okay, not consulting the moss. Maybe just ignore them. When I ignored the Bill in our universe, the worse that happened to me is I got an embarrassing tattoo and a nail stuck through my hand.

W h a t .

These jellybeans are fucking "bussin" or whatever the fuck kids say nowadays.

I got them off of some guy in an alley and. Woah. I've never tasted anything like it. I feel like I'm ready to ascend.

I will never regret this.

My poor little brother 😢 I already miss him

YOURE ALIVEEE

WH- DIDJA THINK I FUCKIN DIED??

The only thing I'm confused about is my own sexuality. Of course, homosexuality would be the easy option, since I have a husband. But I'm genuinely tweaking. (Did I use that word right?)

pssssst

*hands you a note..it says : “greetings homosexual father”

@daughter-of-the-author

Is... is your other father not also homosexual? I would hope so, considering we're married.

petty princess. /derogatory

I am both petty and a princess, so this statement cannot possibly be derogatory.

Oh, you haven't found his "vase" yet. It's a bong.

Grunkle Ford, did Grunkle Stan kill the pope?

Yes. He was smoking weed with the Pope and caused him to have a stroke.

I'm not a fan of it either. I'm just saying that I see that ship a lot, and I feel like it's interesting in theory. But the reality of it is disturbing.

fiddauthor is the best ship btw it’s better than billford