My Dearest L…

My Dearest L...

i wounder if tonight my mind will let me rest easy.

My Dearest L...

How can I miss someone I’ve never met? I miss those soft eyes glancing up at me as the morning sun comes beaming through the window, I miss the feeling of your hands brushing over my delicate skin during the midnight hours in bed, I miss how you would keep the sheets warm at night when I’m cold. How can I miss these things when I haven’t even laid my eyes on you yet???

My Dearest L…

Well, today was actually a great day. Man was I tired when I got up this morning, but I didn't let that stop me from going out today. I got up put my hair up and put on some makeup and left out the front door. Off I went to store after store. The sun felt so good on my skin!!. OOOHH!!! you guys might or might not be happy to hear that Mexico is going to come home soon!!! so he says, I believe it when I see it XD but other than that today was a really great day. I loved it!!

My Dearest L...

The past few days have not felt real to me I've been feeling as if my world around me is nothing but a dream-like nothing is what it seems, I've been sticking into a dark place again but I seem to be slowly crawling out of my hole. I'm starting to snap back to reality, I started watching downtown abbey it seems to be trading right now so I thought I'd give it a try idk how I really feel about it yet, I'll have an updated post about it but for now, I'll just use it to distract myself from the world around me bec if I don't have anything to keep my mind busy that's when I start to over think and things tend to become bad for me. My OCD seems to be getting worse I'm starting to count things now like I have to run my fingers throw my curtains 4-6 times before I open or close the door or after I wash my hands I have to flick the water off my hands 4-6 times before I dry them.

My Dearest L...

I honestly have felt for years now like I’m not moving forward in my life I feel stuck in a pit that I can’t get out of, to make it even worse I’ve been wronged by so many people in my life that I feel like my heart doesn’t even know how to feel or be in love again. I mean it’s not like the opportunity hasn’t come up but even when it does I talk to the person for a max of a week or two weeks if there lucky. Then it’s almost as if it just doesn’t mean anything anymore... is it even possible for someone to be so broken that they can’t love anymore????

My Dearest L…

I'm bipolar, that's right the endless days of up's and down's, today and the past week now have all been downers. I mean, I pop my pills and stay alone because that's where I'm comfortable. I try and not think about it but sometimes it's all that goes through my mind the thought of always being alone with none to hold or to be here for me. I have texas and my friend but calling then is just not the same so actually having someone here with me to just fuck up the night together. you know sometimes I think about ripping my leg open again but am I going to maybe not cuz I'm in my right mind now but there is always that thought in my head that's like "you know you want to, come on, do it, just once!!" but if I start I won't be able to stop. it's almost like cocaine. just one line they say or just one more cigarette they say then 1 line become 5 and that becomes 10 then the next thing you know your whole leg is filled with lines. I miss the way I used to feel when I was 13 years old. whatever happened to the little boi where did he go????

My Dearest L...

tonight is coming to an end but before i go i want to just say some time i think i’m in a coma  in some hospitle waiting to wake up one day and this is all just a big dream i’m in...

My Dearest L...

So I had this really weird ss dream last night, I was in the Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit movie, of course, I was Gromit cuz who else would I be... but I was in the movie, and instead of catching rabbits and vacuuming them up I found Wallace in the back garden room with the were-rabbit and he was feeding GOD DAMN GIRLS TO HIM like WTFFFF I then proceeded to roll my eyes and walk away from him thinking to myself that the rabbit is only going to grow up with a bad temper cuz he was only eating girls like where were the guys in this. did Wallace not feed him guys cuz he didn't want the rabbit to one day turn on him or was it bec the rabbit was sexist??? well that's a question only the people that make my insane wild dreams would know XDD 

If you would like me to type out my dreams more on my blog let me know cuz I have some really crazy fucked up ones. just repost and like this post to let me know if you are interested :)