MY DEAREST L…

My Dearest L...

I woke up today at 4 pm and I didn’t feel sad for once I just feel what I think is “happiness” It such I weird feeling to me but I wonder if this year will be my year to finally spread my wings and fly. I might go on a walk tomorrow it’s supposed to be a nice day out tomorrow so I might as well enjoy some fresh air. I think I’m going to open my window after have it closed for 8 months now...:)

My Dearest L...

It's 5:49am and I went through a nether bipolar episode I'm so sad that I'm in this bed all alone with none to catch me when I fall. Time goes by while everyone has someone and I have none....I always used to think you and my sister would be alone and I'd be the happy one but who was I kidding I'm not that lucky...

My Dearest L…

I started my day with my mom waking me up like every other day with her whimpering "are up getting up today" and like always I said, "yes just give me a sec" but today I feel a bit better than yesterday. I started this new movie on Netflix not long ago, it's like 2h long. I'll let you guys know how it is, haha. I say that like people actually read this blog..... anyways uhh the movie is called Space Sweepers it's this Korean sci-fi movie. it looks pretty good and I love a good sci-fi movie, I'm really into the whole cyberpunk style tbh I love it so much the city's in those kinds of movies are fucking AMAZING tbh I wish I could live there honestly!!! but I don't know if the world will ever get to that when I'm living but till then I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

SHREK 2 (2004)

My Dearest L...

I wake up on a normal day. Get out of bed and got use the bathroom then I head back to my room and lay on my bed, but lately, I’ve been waking up, and every time I stare at people my eyes tend to blur, and their faces deform almost as if I’m on LSD their eyes won’t be in the right place or their nose. Their head is all deformed, there like balloons. yet I find a strange comfort in knowing that people are not always what they tend to be. Sometimes people make people out to be things that there not and I don’t think it’s right...

I light my smoke, you forget are book. A story I started, which you decide to end. Time only moves slow when the smoke slips through your fingers in the bed next to me.🖤💀

My Dearest L...

I have this smoking habit that I'm trying to stop, but then I don't know why I'd stop when we're all going to die one day. do I have to stop because I want a few long years to live or should I stop because I want to be old enough to see my grandchildren? then comes the question will I ever have grandchildren? I'm single right now, correction I have "someone" but I don't know how long it's going to last cause it a long-distance R-ship and everyone knows how they tend to go. My longest one was I think a year long. I know this is going to sound bad to me. but don't judge till you know the whole story boys and girls. but I have this boy I started seeing before covid and I was already in my online R-ship but this guy was here in my home town and he knew I had the online boyfriend but I am yet to tell my online boyfriend about him, not because I don't want him knowing I just don't know how he's going to act knowing I have 2 boyfriends and NO I'M NOT A PLAYER.....I'm just poly and my online boyfriend knows I am. but now the boy that lived close to me. went home to Mexico for x-mas and he has not come back, I talk to him everyday. he told me he'd be back at the beginning of Jan but now it's the middle of Feb and I have two online R-ships and I'm left cold and alone in bed at night in the....dark...with my panic attacks...and my nightmares...to suffer all alone...in a cold beddd.