It’s Scary How When I Think Of The Future My Mind Immediately Jumps To “youre Gonna Kill Yourself

How am I supposed to succeed at life when on most days my best is getting out of bed. I have no energy to work towards anything. Showing up is my best sadly. But how do you explain that to people.

Don’t tell me I’ll find someone else. Don’t tell me someone will love me someday. Please don’t give me that hope. I want to believe it more than anything. Knowing me, I’ll give in and try again. But heartbreak is inevitable. And I don’t have it in me to have my heart broken again. I won’t make it if it happens again. So let me stay safe, doesn’t matter if I’m alone. At least I’ll survive.

So please don’t say it. Because I’m doing everything I can to never believe in it again.

It’s always the people you would never want to hurt and care about so much that do the most fucked up shit to you.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I guess I’ll cry till I have no tears left. I’ll hurt till I get used to the pain. And then someday, hopefully the pain will numb and I’ll be able to breathe without my chest hurting.

“I don’t want to be in love with you anymore. Every second I love you, is every second bereft of peace. Every second loving you is every second me struggling to breathe. I desperately need to fall out of love with you.”

— unrequited love

I miss you so much...

I wish you were here...

In the end

They will all stop talking to you.

They will all start ignoring you.

They will all stop caring about you.

Be prepared.

The thing is once you start thinking about killing yourself you can never go back. It becomes this option, that you can't unsee or stop thinking off. Whenever things get tough again it comes back to haunt you. There'll always be this voice whispering 'wouldn't it all be easier if you died' and you can never get rid of it