Stained Glass Is Not Talked About Enough

Keeping in mind that this is my own experience & I'm not trying to say anything about others -

What's frustrating to me about nonbinary identity is that people kind of know what it is. Or they think they do.

See, one of the things I don't like about the gender binary, one of the things that gives me a lot of dysphoria, is the way people assume things about me based on my gender. Like "you are a girl and therefore" type thing. Like maybe I could be a girl if it didn't mean anything, you know? My dysphoria is very social and less physical than others'.

Anyway, the thing is that people are very excited about being good allies to nonbinary people, so they have built out social rules for someone who's "not a girl, not a boy, but a secret third thing (nonbinary)" in their minds/social awareness. The problem I have is, I'm not not a girl. I'm also maybe not not a boy? But I'm definitely not all the way a girl or boy the way other girls and boys are. I'm maybe a secret third thing, but it's a third thing that's not independent and outside those genders.

And the problem is when you say you're nonbinary people think, I must never use gendered language for this person. I must try to think of this person as an ungendered entity. I must never make this person uncomfortable by mentioning gendered experiences in front of them. They probably like frogs. Etc. (I do have a healthy appreciation for frogs)

At the end of the day, if I don't know what my identity is, nobody else is going to either, and I hate the awkward trying to anticipate my needs based on the relayed experiences of other nonbinary people who have had themselves more figured out. Like... Just ask?

I'm not nonbinary as in "not gendered, at all", I'm nonbinary as in messy. Not fitting. Wanted to be a boy when I was a kid, no longer sure what I want to be; pretty sure I don't want to be a Man. Functionally a woman in society. A proud honorary guuuurl. Man of the family (until I married a man). My dad's son but a girl. Prone to calling myself a little guy and using gender neutral language for myself, but almost squirming when someone else does for me. Squirming even harder when someone includes me in a group they address as "ladies." Dressing like a boy hoping someone will call me pretty in my masc outfit. Turning into the boy i saw inside my heart when I was a kid, except I'm an adult woman. Feeling outward pressure to go gender-neutral in my presentation but also feeling the inner urge to become gender maximalist. Messy, messy bisexual asexual androgynous feminist nonbinary genderqueer boygirl girl.

But I look like a woman with a short haircut and subtle rainbow sandals. So I just stammer out "uhh, any" when someone asks about my pronouns, stick with the comfortably nebulous term "genderqueer", and don't get into my gender identity at family dinner.

After all, if I don't get it, how could anyone else?

so athena burst out fully born from zeus's skull, right?

Women scientists made up 25% of the Pluto fly-by New Horizon team. Make sure you share this, because erasing women’s achievements in science and history is a tradition. Happens every day.

.

http://pluto.jhuapl.edu/News-Center/News-Article.php?page=20150712

show, don't tell:

anticipation - bouncing legs - darting eyes - breathing deeply - useless / mindless tasks - eyes on the clock - checking and re-checking

frustration - grumbling - heavy footsteps - hot flush - narrowed eyes - pointing fingers - pacing / stomping

sadness - eyes filling up with tears - blinking quickly - hiccuped breaths - face turned away - red / burning cheeks - short sentences with gulps

happiness - smiling / cheeks hurting - animated - chest hurts from laughing - rapid movements - eye contact - quick speaking

boredom - complaining - sighing - grumbling - pacing - leg bouncing - picking at nails

fear - quick heartbeat - shaking / clammy hands - pinching self - tuck away - closing eyes - clenched hands

disappointment - no eye contact - hard swallow - clenched hands - tears, occasionally - mhm-hmm

tiredness - spacing out - eyes closing - nodding head absently - long sighs - no eye contact - grim smile

confidence - prolonged eye contact - appreciates instead of apologizing - active listening - shoulders back - micro reactions

please like or reblog if you save it! 🛸

Me: “I’m so touch starved”, and then someone actually attempts to touch me and all of a sudden I’m more like “BE GONE DEMON, THY SHALL NOT TOUCH ME AND SULLY MY PURE SOUL”

one thing I learned recently - that seems obvious in retrospect - is that 'being able to recognise intervals and chords by ear' is not necessarily something that you need to just hope will happen automatically if you music hard enough.

if you go to music school there's a specific exercise they do called 'ear training' where they sit you down and make you practice recognising stuff (chords and intervals and so on) - either the teacher will play it or you can get software that plays a thing and asks you to identify it. sorta like the musical equivalent of using a spaced repetition system to memorise vocab in language learning.

there's actually an ear training program in the GNU suite. you can get it here. it's just a python program that hooks into your computer's MIDI.

Bouncy bois

(via)