" We're Looking For A White Male, Approximately Mid To Late 30s, Between 5"6 To 6"2 "

Keeping in mind that this is my own experience & I'm not trying to say anything about others -

What's frustrating to me about nonbinary identity is that people kind of know what it is. Or they think they do.

See, one of the things I don't like about the gender binary, one of the things that gives me a lot of dysphoria, is the way people assume things about me based on my gender. Like "you are a girl and therefore" type thing. Like maybe I could be a girl if it didn't mean anything, you know? My dysphoria is very social and less physical than others'.

Anyway, the thing is that people are very excited about being good allies to nonbinary people, so they have built out social rules for someone who's "not a girl, not a boy, but a secret third thing (nonbinary)" in their minds/social awareness. The problem I have is, I'm not not a girl. I'm also maybe not not a boy? But I'm definitely not all the way a girl or boy the way other girls and boys are. I'm maybe a secret third thing, but it's a third thing that's not independent and outside those genders.

And the problem is when you say you're nonbinary people think, I must never use gendered language for this person. I must try to think of this person as an ungendered entity. I must never make this person uncomfortable by mentioning gendered experiences in front of them. They probably like frogs. Etc. (I do have a healthy appreciation for frogs)

At the end of the day, if I don't know what my identity is, nobody else is going to either, and I hate the awkward trying to anticipate my needs based on the relayed experiences of other nonbinary people who have had themselves more figured out. Like... Just ask?

I'm not nonbinary as in "not gendered, at all", I'm nonbinary as in messy. Not fitting. Wanted to be a boy when I was a kid, no longer sure what I want to be; pretty sure I don't want to be a Man. Functionally a woman in society. A proud honorary guuuurl. Man of the family (until I married a man). My dad's son but a girl. Prone to calling myself a little guy and using gender neutral language for myself, but almost squirming when someone else does for me. Squirming even harder when someone includes me in a group they address as "ladies." Dressing like a boy hoping someone will call me pretty in my masc outfit. Turning into the boy i saw inside my heart when I was a kid, except I'm an adult woman. Feeling outward pressure to go gender-neutral in my presentation but also feeling the inner urge to become gender maximalist. Messy, messy bisexual asexual androgynous feminist nonbinary genderqueer boygirl girl.

But I look like a woman with a short haircut and subtle rainbow sandals. So I just stammer out "uhh, any" when someone asks about my pronouns, stick with the comfortably nebulous term "genderqueer", and don't get into my gender identity at family dinner.

After all, if I don't get it, how could anyone else?

Manfredi Bellati - Isabelle Weingarten (Vogue Italia 1973)

so athena burst out fully born from zeus's skull, right?

Verba Mystica

Oil paintings by Paolo Girardi (Italian, b.1974)

https://www.instagram.com/paologirardipainter/

Show some respect, people.

“Girls gays and theys” <- uninclusive while trying to be inclusive. Bad. Makes me uncomfortable.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and other distinguished guests” <- inclusive but far, far too formal

“Alrighty gamers” <- Incisive of everyone, informal, and fun to say.

I want to love and be loved. I want to find a way where I don’t hurt myself. I want to live a life where I say things are good more than things are bad. I want to keep failing and discovering new and better directions. I want to enjoy the tides of feeling in me as the rhythms of life. I want to be the kind of person who can walk inside the vast darkness and find the one fragment of sunlight I can linger in for a long time. Some day, I will.

Baek Sehee, tr. by Anton Hur, from I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

100 Words You Can Incorporate Into Your Speech To Sound More Elegant ✨

(Common word - Alternate variation)

Beautiful - Exquisite

Happy - Ecstatic

Smart - Intelligent

Big - Enormous

Small - Petite

Good - Excellent

Bad - Deplorable

Nice - Gracious

Tired - Fatigued

Old - Ancient

Rich - Affluent

Poor - Impoverished

Happy - Joyful

Sad - Melancholic

Hot - Sweltering

Cold - Frigid

Busy - Prolific

Loud - Vociferous

Easy - Effortless

Difficult - Arduous

Fast - Swift

Slow - Languid

Brave - Valiant

Funny - Witty

Rich - Opulent

Poor - Indigent

Old - Vintage

New - Novel

Strong - Robust

Weak - Feeble

Pretty - Alluring

Ugly - Unattractive

Clean - Immaculate

Dirty - Sullied

Happy - Jubilant

Sad - Despondent

Young - Youthful

Old - Antiquated

Big - Colossal

Small - Minuscule

Fast - Rapid

Slow - Sluggish

Brave - Fearless

Funny - Hilarious

Clean - Pristine

Dirty - Filthy

Strong - Stalwart

Weak - Debilitated

Happy - Content

Sad - Poignant

Confusing - Perplexing

Typical - Quintessential

Many - Myriad

Everywhere - Ubiquitous

Contradictory - Paradoxical

Showy - Ostentatious

Insightful - Perspicacious

Arrogant - Supercilious

Obscure - Esoteric

Flatterer - Sycophant

Favorable - Auspicious

Joking - Facetious

Indescribable - Ineffable

Wordy - Verbose

Respected - Venerable

Worsen - Exacerbate

Short lived - Ephemeral

Help - Facilitate

Sneaky - Insidious

Confuse - Obfuscate

Begin - Commence

End - Terminate

Start - Inaugurate

Get - Obtain

Give - Bestow

Make - Fabricate

Break - Shatter

Fix - Rectify

Use - Utilize

Look - Gaze

Find - Discover

Tell - Narrate

Ask - Inquire

Leave - Depart

Buy - Procure

Show - Exhibit

Think - Contemplate

Put - Position

Need - Require

Stop - Halt

Talk - Communicate

Like - Adore

Help - Assist

Call - Summon

See - Perceive

Tell - Enunciate

Go - Traverse

Tell - Express

Have - Possess

Feel - Experience

show, don't tell:

anticipation - bouncing legs - darting eyes - breathing deeply - useless / mindless tasks - eyes on the clock - checking and re-checking

frustration - grumbling - heavy footsteps - hot flush - narrowed eyes - pointing fingers - pacing / stomping

sadness - eyes filling up with tears - blinking quickly - hiccuped breaths - face turned away - red / burning cheeks - short sentences with gulps

happiness - smiling / cheeks hurting - animated - chest hurts from laughing - rapid movements - eye contact - quick speaking

boredom - complaining - sighing - grumbling - pacing - leg bouncing - picking at nails

fear - quick heartbeat - shaking / clammy hands - pinching self - tuck away - closing eyes - clenched hands

disappointment - no eye contact - hard swallow - clenched hands - tears, occasionally - mhm-hmm

tiredness - spacing out - eyes closing - nodding head absently - long sighs - no eye contact - grim smile

confidence - prolonged eye contact - appreciates instead of apologizing - active listening - shoulders back - micro reactions