Hiii!! I’m Not Sure If You’re Taking Any Questions Buuuttt I Shall Ask One Anyway And Hope You Answer

Hiii!! I’m not sure if you’re taking any questions buuuttt i shall ask one anyway and hope you answer hehe <3

- so there’s this guys who’s asked me out on a couple dates (two to be exact) both dates were set but canceled; first by him and second by me due to some important things. He said he hates canceling plans and that he’s a man of his word. I’m the same! Sooo sidenote he did CALL me to ask me out BUT the thing I’m struggling with is.. he will ask me out with no hesitation but RARLEY ever texts me. He only seems to text me when he sees me because we work in the same company. I’m not really sure what the question I’m trying to ask is but could you help me understand if I’m being played or if he just wants me for sex? I’m having trouble understanding where exactly he’s at and I feel like it’s WAY to early to ask that because we don’t know eachother that we’ll but we’ve had some pretty good conversations in person and maybe a few over text. Also I’ve notice if we set a date he won’t text me until the day of! I’ve been in numerous unhealthy and toxic relationships and have been used so many times that I’m struggling with reading people atm and I’m scared I’m going to go through all that again.

Ps: he’s 10 years older than me and I’m soooo sorry this is long and might be confusing ASF <3

I do have a lot of questions coming in that i haven’t answered. I have been busy traveling. 

It seems like you haven’t understood your own value yet.  

1.) Why are you interested in this man? for regular dating leading to something serious and real love? or  hypergamy? or SD? 

Figure out why you want this man.

2.) What type of man do you want in your life (considering what you have gone through) 

Make a list. The attributes you want in a man. The way you want him to treat you, the way you want to man to feel about you, the way you want the man to court you  etc... MAKE A LIST 

(Does this current man even make you remotely feel that way?) ... I know you aren’t dating yet... But a man’s interest is usually clear. A man’s courtship is usually clear as well; when he is truly interested in pursuing you (for whatever reason...)

From what am gathering... you are out sight ... out of mind to this man. (Meaning, he isn’t really thinking about you...) ... He has the attitude of (if i get her putting minimum effort possible... i get her... If I don’t then hey, at least there was no effort.... MEANING : He could take it or leave it attitude).

Meaning, If another woman, he kindles his interest more comes along... you are BYE-BYE   (People appreciate more what they invest effort into)

Do you really want a man who puts the least amount of bare minimum in the beginning stages? Can you imagine if you start the relationship... what he will be like, after he gets more comfortable (cause relationships, do cool down to a norm eventually). So if he is like this now... the potential of what he could become later sounds like another additional heart break for you. 

3.) You know the answer to your own question; If this man only texts you when he sees you. 

 One of my favorite quote is  “They say a lot... so i watch what they do”  Men say a lot because they understand that women are gotten through words... So they say a lot.... He say’s he is a man of his word... that doesn’t mean anything to you.  (Even if he is) that doesn’t spell his interest in you. it just means if he says he will be there at 8, then he will be there.... This is his general personality to people.... What you are trying to decipher is his interest in you.  So being a man of his word.... doesn’t mean anything at this point. 

A man’s action is his true feelings... take words with a grain of salt... WATCH ACTIONS...

What i am saying.... Is this man doesn’t have a skin in the game

secondly, he isn’t that interested (It could be that his interest will increase once you guys make it to a date)... But personally, I like men who even before dates pursue me and lead with their interest (I am spoilt that way... because I don’t require anything less... I won’t even engage with anything less...) 

You don’t have to do that... BUT the problem is really not this man. He is the way he is... its up to you to determine if that works for you or if it doesn’t

The problem is YOU...

Clearly, you aren’t happy with his laissez faire interest in you.

The less than bare minimum effort etc.

So, why continue to entertain and inject hope there?  You have a case of FOMO 

What if I don’t give him a chance and he ends up being this wonderful man that i end up missing?

(What if he is only this way because he doesn’t know me yet and we’ve not been on a date yet)

The what ifs are legitimate question about not writing people off... 

BUT........HAS THAT WORKED FOR YOU BEFORE?

(Yes, he could be a wonderful man... but he could also be a nightmare)

(Yes, he could be a wonderful man to another woman... that doesn’t mean he will be for you)

There are other women that man puts more effort into (because he is more interested). 

Men’s action towards a woman, is usually on where they place you on their scale.  (There could be a woman that man will send 20 messages a day to) Even from the first day....

KNOW THIS - Every man has a scale... consciously of subconsciously... it exists

My sponsor says “There are women. you wouldn’t dare spend more than 3k on, there are women, you wouldn’t even insult by offering 35k... And then there are women who anything less than a blackcard is an insult to himself and to her

Meaning : The level of a man’s interested is shown (yes the interest can grow, yes it can also start out an diminish)... The question is... ARE YOU HAPPY WITH WHERE IT IS STARTING AT?  WILL YOU STAY IF IT DIMINISHES?

If a man’s interest starts out high and on it way starts to diminishes... I LEAVE

If i a man’s interest start’s out low and grows(I slowly match it.)... 

Example : Lets say A man’s interest starts at 50%

                 I keep my interest in him at 10 %

If it grows to 100% 

I increase mine to 20%

If it grows beyond 100% 

I increase accordingly

And if his interest stays consistently high and above... 

I match accordingly

ON THE REVERSE

Now if his interest decreases to 50%

I also scale back to 10% 

It it falls less than 50%... 

I leave (There a reason why, I don’t let it go less than 50%)

Again, you don’t have to do what i do (like I always warn people... you lose a lot of people going my way) And it can be hard... 

But in my personal experience (It only keeps quality over quantity). 

He is not playing you.... You are playing yourself by not really knowing your value or being honest with yourself and sticking your ground on how you want to be treated.

So figure that out... 

#sugardating #sugardatingadvice #sugardatingtips #sugarbowl #hypergamy #datingadvice #sugarbowltips