Sord...........

For @nostalgiamonth‘s Tech/Objects Thursdays: Manual typewriters! Also know as: “You don’t realise how weak your fingers are until you try to type on one of these.”  Nothing beats the sound of pounding keys and ratchetting the paper down into position and slamming the carriage across. 

The reason I hate the “Shakespeare didn’t actually write Shakespeare” theories so much is they seem to be inherently rooted in taking his works away from ordinary people. “The son of a glovemaker could never have written these plays! Surely only an Aristocratic Intellectual, like the Earl of Oxford, could be responsible!“ 

Honestly fuck off. Shakespeare was one of us. His plays were written for the masses. He was an ordinary man who captured the voice of the people and the depths of their emotions. We credit Shakespeare with making up words and phrases, but who’s to say he wasn’t writing down what he heard on the streets? "But something as complex as Hamlet could never have been written by Shakespeare! It must have been the work of a nobleman!” Well guess what, not only did he write it, but he wrote it because that’s what his audience liked. The hordes of ordinary people consumed his deeply philosophical play about a young man musing over life and death and sin and they LOVED it. 

Shakespeare was a crowd-pleaser and an entertainer, and reason his work is so beautiful and poetic and philosophical (as well as bloody and sexual!) is because he was responding to popular demand. Most people attending the theatre were illiterate; they consumed literature by listening, and this is one of the reasons why playwrights utilised iambic pentameter and rhyming schemes. Their dialogue is poetry, and it’s beautiful to listen to. The first time Romeo and Juliet meet, their shared dialogue creates a sonnet. Imagine a commoner sitting in the crowd listening to that, and it hits him like an arrow, wow, listen to the way these characters speak, this is love at first sight. 

Shakespeare was an ordinary man, and the beauty and complexity of his works were fuelled largely by the appetite of ordinary people. Although plays could be written and performed for the aristocracy, it was the hordes at the theatres that one had to keep happy. This modern obsession with putting him on a pedestal and trying to make him high culture or inaccessible to ordinary people is just gross. This upstart crow will always be one of us, and his work will always be for us.

I keep thinking about that straight girls in gay bars post and so here’s a list of things that straight people have done to me or around me in gay bars

I ask a pretty girl if she wants to dance. She looks at me with disgust and says, “I’m not gay” in the snottiest valley girl voice I’ve ever heard. 

A short greasy dude will not leave me the fuck alone at the bar. I tell him multiple times “I am a lesbian.” He says, “me too” and in the same breath tells me I’ll like it if I try it. When the guy steps away to talk to his friend, three gay men surround me and buy me a drink and swear to keep him away from me for the rest of the night.

2am, drunk, cheering on my favorite local drag queen on stage. A contestant from Dr*g R*ce is in the audience, hanging out, supporting her friends. The straight girls next to me spot her and start shrieking at the top of their lungs and trying to get to her. Security escorts the contestant elsewhere so no one could get near her. Not a single straight person in the audience tips any of the performing queens. 

I’m by myself on the dance floor, feeling myself to Bey, as you do. A man comes up to me and starts dancing. After a minute, he starts grinding on me and tries to kiss me. I put my hand in his face and tell him I’m a lesbian. He says something very vulgar that I don’t completely remember because I was drunk af. I tell him to fuck off and I leave the dance floor completely. I end up on the patio with a beautiful butch girl and when I tell her what just happened, she offers to beat him up for me. 

A girl with a bachelorette party, telling me, with complete seriousness, that she was just discriminated against at the bar for being straight. What happened? The bartender didn’t pay attention to her immediately and she had to wait “forever” for her drink. 

Related: Almost every negative review of my favorite gay bar is by a straight person. At least half of them claim that the bartenders or bouncers discriminated against them. 

And then this one isn’t bad, it just made me laugh when it happened 

Guy: hey can you ask the bartender for a drink for me? They usually pay more attention to girls Me: oh baby not here they don’t lol Guy: ?? Me: This is a gay bar, sweetheart Guy: I… oh… *looks at the shirtless male bartenders, the go go boys, the rainbow flags, the drag queen behind me, the glitter everywhere* *walks away in a daze*

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

This didn’t go as anticipated lmfao

you've been hit by

idk who needs to hear this (me) but eating less will NOT make you feel better and you literally need food to be healthy and have energy

found my stylophone so obviously had to play this :p

He could defeat her.

literally my favorite type of tweet