19:34

ask me if i'm fine. i promise i'll say i'm okay as long as i hear your voice

Never say never

There is a spot on the ceiling of my room that resembles the scar you have on your right arm, and lately, it became one of the things I forbid myself to look at every time I sleep at night. Just like the paintings you once gave to me that even if most of them were portraits of me, I put them away. Because I couldn’t look at myself smiling knowing you were the reason. And through every one of it that I see, I could hear your voice saying my name. (I don’t know if I am crazy enough to encounter these, but I guess I still love you the same.)

I remember that day you said you would never leave. It was the middle of autumn when everything was tinted orange and leaves kept on falling. Your smile was so bright and your eyes were full of promises I thought you would fulfill. But I swear you were like the sunset to every tiring day that I have had. You were beautiful as it was, beautiful enough to make me cry because I had you. And beautiful enough to make me cry because I lost you, for I believed in what you said that you were never going to walk away. It was when the sun began to meet the moon that one winter night. You held me closer to your broad chest. I felt your warmth beneath me, and your heartbeat lulled me to sleep with a smile on my face. Your breath roaming around my hair was nevertheless one of the many things I have always cherished. And the silence and the space between our bodies were probably one of the best things that I’ll remember even they were just in-between’s or nothing to you.

I kept on holding on to that time between the summer solstice when you said that you’ll never let me go. You hoisted me on your back, and placed my thighs on the sides of your waist. But you couldn’t bear my weight so we crashed down on the sand and we kept on laughing until we have to catch our breaths. (Sigh.)

Maybe, I shouldn’t have eaten everything that was in front of me just because I thought it was all good. Or just because I thought it’ll last forever inside our hearts as we’ll hold on to every moment we have had every day to keep us alive. But how could I have known, right? Yet, I wish you could’ve just said the truth, because to be honest, when you said you were never going to leave, you were never going to walk away, or you were never going let me go, I think that you never really meant any of them. I realized it just now.

Because I believed you said you loved me but then you just said you never did. And how I wish I could say to you personally that you should never use the word “never” if you know that what you will always mean is the otherwise. 

( chloe.  & eusie. )

P.J.Q.

“It’s true, you’re beautiful.”

— don’t... please...

(eusie.)

an interview with my neighbor

part 1: mr jameson coles

frozen cookies are his favorite snacks; he said he likes his heart cold. he even likes to fill the path to his house with burned out roses. “because no one likes a love dwindled to nothing,” he replied when i asked why. sad love, sad love, sad love, i heard his eyes whisper. my heart ached. he always met sunrises with cold coffee which he made every night before. and he didn’t care if his shower won’t work anymore. “where do you take baths then?” he answered that his soul keeps wandering around anywhere but here. he likes the smell of nails. and he said he knows what everyone thought of him. the paintings in his living room always sing to him in a melody that resembled a voice in his past. he didn’t tell me a name. but he said his past liked every time it snows. “do you like it when it snows?” he then asked me. then there was a story behind his eyes that echoed out memories. sad love, sad love, sad love, i heard myself whisper. he secludes himself; he said it’s because he’s waiting. for a future he planned long ago with someone who’s not here anymore. the room surrounded us with an atmosphere that felt like i was traveling backwards. a howling wind screamed pain throughout as he looked outside the windows. then slowly, but tearfully, he murmured, “a sad love, isn’t it?”

(eusie.)

maybe i should post other things than these old writings

Nothing’s worse than pining over someone who used to be yours.

nailed (eusie.)

me: is a sappy little shit

hello. there is nothing to see here but hand-me-down treasures and half-assed writings

Here's to someone, pt. 2

Forward. You are a once again a shade of blue, but with a little bit of green. This time I came close in hue. Now I know how your depths go, so maybe drowning with you isn’t scary.

Rewind. But I still look away when you try to hold me.

Stop. But I really hope this is the last time. But maybe not.

(eusie.)