Tell Me If It Doesn't Suffocate You When You See His Lips Dance With Someone Else's

Unexpectedly

too many poems too many unrequited love too many broken hearts and too many bruises and unwanted scars

too many persons oblivious to what they did

to gain existence in another world

a world called poetry

(eusie.)

Alone

Under the stars and not mistletoe, she slow danced her way onto the snow — her eyes reflected the loneliness of the moon; her lips can tell the paleness of her life’s tune.

( ayen. & eusie. )

In-se-cure

a.k.a. I want to forget your name

I turned my back away from haunted walls one night with shaking hands and eyes lost in focus, with lips startled and words buried deep within six feet down my throat. There had been a war across my horizons, among my thoughts, along with bombs exploding leaving me deaf to every “You’re beautiful” thrown against my face ever since. They see me flush in red, but burn with questions that can make every human’s words into ashes. I don’t trust what they say, because whenever I see myself as I stand in front of the mirror, I can hear my own eyes gasp. With my hands clasped to each other and tied above my chest, mouth slightly open, eyes glued to the ceiling — I started crying again. The moonlight peeped through my windows, and I think I saw your face in the dark. My knees traveled to be clenched by my arms. There was sudden heartbeat, then another.. like a continuous bang on my bedroom door. Ignoring it, I tried to forget the reason why everything seemed to be connected to you. More like I tried to find the reason why, because although they said I am worthy and I didn't deserve you, what I have been keeping in mind is when you let go in a whisper, “You just weren't enough.”

(eusie.)

Music Volume 8.1.12.1

a.k.a. The eight tracks of my life when it comes to you

(1) A recurring dream: you say to me, “It’s always been you. It’ll always be you.” Sometimes, with your mouth; soft bubbles came out of those lips, eyes shaking as if you were afraid that I won’t ever get to know; so I believed it was true. Sometimes, in a note; written in a hurry, tugging all of my fingers and pressing it onto me like a sacred promise; so I believed it won’t be broken.

(2) But I wake up, breathless and sweating, soulless and aching, and... you weren’t here.

(3) When I sit down for a minute and ponder about my decisions, I come back to those times when we have conversations past midnight. I would remember you looking at me like I were a secret you still kept, still deciding if you would let go or keep hold of. Those gentle touches in the soft light, more tender than everything illuminated by the moon.

(4) I wish I would have done something. Anything.

(5) Yet, you’re still a smoke that keeps on dancing through my nostrils I am yet to get out of my system.

(6) I used to love the first few times when you starred in my dreams. But ever since you closed your eyes each time I start to tremble out your name from my lips, I stopped wondering about the crinkles by your eyes. I stopped trying to miss the way you laugh, stopped trying to make you laugh. I stopped whispering prayers. I stopped altogether.

(7) At some nights, I don’t want to sleep anymore; I’m tired of sleeping. I’ll keep having dreams of you anyway. And I’ll keep having dreams of you anyway even if I’m awake.

(8) A recurring thought: I’ll ask you, “Will I keep holding on? Should I still love you?” I’ll ask you if ever get the chance.

Half-finished Love Affair

a.k.a.  To Dean (before I found out your name was actually Liam), from Nicole

I once told you that I can hear the words “I love you” from your every smile, but you laughed and shut my words away to evaporate in silence. I was so in love with you that time that I didn’t took your sexy laughter as a warning of what was the real deal. I was too blinded by the sun in your eyes that I turned into your every own sunflower. I was too hooked with the taste of night skies on your lips that I painted myself with stars. I was too creamed by the mayhem of your fingertips that I became a catastrophe. I was too engrossed with every melody of your voice that I started to write you a love song name after you. I was so in love with you. And it was too late when I realized that you have been feeding me with thorns and I was a fool for swallowing them. You have been giving me promises that were already shattered that my palms bleed when I hold on to them. You have been poisoning my body that I couldn't go on with my life because I am intoxicated. It was too late when I realized that I was a joke for you when you were real for me.

(eusie.)

The lines on your palm are the road I want to travel and the place between your fingers is where I want to go; your hand in my hand is my home.

January 29, 2014 (eusie.)

i "sometimes i think, you don't even want to be found" ii "maybe because the person who i want to find me isn't even searching for me" — listening to "lost boy" by troye sivan (eusie.)

two things i thought about tonight

i.     The moon is painful to look at;     you, on the other hand,       make my heart ache when I stare at you.     How disturbing.

ii.      And it’s harsh, isn't it?          When someone you like        doesn't care about you?

(eusie.)

i still think we're soulmates. but maybe that's just the hopeless romantic in me

'Cause I want a love that's meant to be.

while looking at two people, I asked no one in particular, are they each other's twin flame? (eusie.)