I "sometimes I Think, You Don't Even Want To Be Found" Ii "maybe Because The Person Who I Want To Find

Alone

Under the stars and not mistletoe, she slow danced her way onto the snow — her eyes reflected the loneliness of the moon; her lips can tell the paleness of her life’s tune.

( ayen. & eusie. )

Old ones

Four years, and (almost probably) four months           — later,          used to be clear, now just more than a blur;          twitching every time these eyes are caught,          too many stories etched, and not even told;          hushed pleas are not pleas at all, so why?;          loading bullets to a gun, waiting for the blow,          of a mention of a name, of anything at all…;

Muffled screams inside these (five) throats          — saying,          old ones sure are gold, but old ones rust;          bombs threatening to fall, each close distance,          when will they decide to bury these bones?;

But, so far (it’s alright), it’s alright

(eusie.)

i exist

you ask me if i’m fine. i say i’m fine. you look at me with one eyebrow raised, but you didn’t do anything after that. all these nights when you feel like shit, i swear i can feel your soul tearing apart with just one look at you. and you give your heart out as if you’re making love to me. but i know it’s only your sadness flowing out. and it’s not about the fact that you’re actually falling for me, or that you actually like talking to me. i ask myself what did i ever do wrong to be treated and feel this way. i ask myself what would i give for you to at least show that you care even for a damn minute, or a damn second. i just want you to know, i really need you to know... i exist; this heart inside of mine is beating. and it used to scream your name, but now it only stutters out each letter with so much pain as if with every one, one of my heartstrings break. i exist; the love i feel for you is real and it’s not made up. i exist; yes, you acknowledge that. but not entirely, only when you need someone when the one you actually need doesn’t want you. and yeah, i only exist during those times. am i fine? no, i’m not. but you wouldn’t know, because you wouldn’t care. i exist; i am human, and i have feelings. don’t break these pieces of my heart and shutter them more than they already are. i exist; can’t you see? (eusie.)

i wanna be the one who you think of when you look at the moon or the shadow that you miss at night can i be the story behind the pieces of crumpled paper on your bedroom floor? i wanna be the cold beer that kiss you every time you feel out of breath

an excerpt from a poem i wrote and deleted pt. 2 (eusie.)

to the boy who’s in love with the sun

to the boy who’s in love with the sun (and who also seems to be alike with the moon),

one

i am not a dreamer. i do not wish upon stars. they will suck every letter of our dreamy words. they let us taste lies from every glimmer they give for our eyes to hold. they look down on us, laughing. they watch us as our grounds shake, as our souls skin out every last smile we own. i am not a dreamer. i am not hopeful. i do not hope for impossible truths. i do not hope for palpable things to become blur. because reality is right in front of us, taking out every pain in between our eyes for us to feel, and we already can’t do anything about it, but to just accept and take everything. what’s on the tip our tongues are mantras we need to swallow. we need to stop hoping. we need to.

two

this is what i always thought.

three

i am not a dreamer. at least, long ago.

four

once, i found myself staring at the night sky and it was full of stars — full of hope like ones you see on the eyes of people in love. back then i thought, falling in love is an endless prayer of “please, please, please”. falling in love is picking up pieces that were already thrown away but keeping them in hopes of making them fit into the incomplete you. falling in love is wishing upon stars and endlessly hoping for nothing. and i said, i don’t want to fall in love.

five

but then one day, i saw him.

six

he was standing right in front of me, and the day was sunny. and i thought, he was reality’s human form. he was exactly the reason why people bow down to their knees every single night just to whisper wishful things, like for him to realize that the stars have always been singing for them like church bells. like his dreams finally came true and he was too blind to feel them running around him. he was someone i knew i shouldn't get my hopes up for or waste any time fancying of. but i couldn't help but to dream of his voice even if i haven’t heard it yet. i couldn't stop to want him to look at my way every time i feel him passing through the hallways of my heart. i couldn't stop imagining things. i don’t know if he can feel my eyes as they try to hug him every time i look at him from afar. his hair was the night sky, starless because they were showered onto every smile he gives.

seven

and i thought, maybe he’s in love with the sun for his cheeks are rosy pink, yet he was pale as the moon. and i wish that i used to be in love with him. because i want to give up for i realized my love would eventually go nowhere and burn out. but for the mean time, i want to know his name.

eight

i hope you know you’re the one i’m talking about.

nine

to the boy who’s in love with the sun, tell me your name.

from the girl who once told you to the stars (and who also mentioned you in her every prayer) yet she'll soon stop on wishing, hoping, dreaming and loving

(eusie.)

Unexpectedly

too many poems too many unrequited love too many broken hearts and too many bruises and unwanted scars

too many persons oblivious to what they did

to gain existence in another world

a world called poetry

(eusie.)

Chasing Stars

Synopsis

I learned that sometimes, when soulmates meet, they’re just destined that way.

He said he’d always choose you. That he had always chose you. In every lifetime. And that you always chose him too. But this time... this time... you think you won’t because you want to fall in love with someone else.

Yes I want to write this fic. No I don’t want to figure out what happens in it. Also no I don’t want to write it <3

You’ve thrown my pieces away — far from my reach that I couldn’t put myself back into whole again. Were you exhausted because I couldn’t pick them on my own? I am lost within the forest you’ve made, while you burned the gardens inside of me and disappeared. You said you won’t leave though, but you did; you left. So why, despite everything, is your voice still my lullaby? But the clock inside my room is louder, that I can’t sleep anymore. Tick, tock tick, tock — it’s 2:58 AM and my surroundings are quite troubling, and everything just seems so plangent.

What happened when you said you’ll never get tired of me? (eusie.)

Counting Cars

Synopsis

Koichiro Ugumori was 23 years old when he died because of a car accident. Ever since then, he has been a wandering soul inside the halls of the hospital where he was announced dead on arrival. One day, he suddenly wakes up in the body of a 20-year-old guy named Soichiro. He soon meets Ayako, Soichiro’s sweet girlfriend, and his circle of friends that includes the demure(ish)ly attractive, Chiho, who quite seems to be distant when it comes to him. As Koichiro struggles to “adjust” with his mysterious second chance to live, he tries to face the revived aftermath of his death and Soichiro’s complicated (love) life.