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i exist
you ask me if i’m fine. i say i’m fine. you look at me with one eyebrow raised, but you didn’t do anything after that. all these nights when you feel like shit, i swear i can feel your soul tearing apart with just one look at you. and you give your heart out as if you’re making love to me. but i know it’s only your sadness flowing out. and it’s not about the fact that you’re actually falling for me, or that you actually like talking to me. i ask myself what did i ever do wrong to be treated and feel this way. i ask myself what would i give for you to at least show that you care even for a damn minute, or a damn second. i just want you to know, i really need you to know... i exist; this heart inside of mine is beating. and it used to scream your name, but now it only stutters out each letter with so much pain as if with every one, one of my heartstrings break. i exist; the love i feel for you is real and it’s not made up. i exist; yes, you acknowledge that. but not entirely, only when you need someone when the one you actually need doesn’t want you. and yeah, i only exist during those times. am i fine? no, i’m not. but you wouldn’t know, because you wouldn’t care. i exist; i am human, and i have feelings. don’t break these pieces of my heart and shutter them more than they already are. i exist; can’t you see? (eusie.)
The qsmp was the first ever fandom I actually really got into. it was my life, everyday I would come home and just watch vod after vod, I would catch as many live streams as I could, I knew all the lore. And now that it's gone, i don't know what to feel. It meant so much to me and I wish it could stay, I never really realized that it would go away. I was so hyperfocused on that this hit me worse than anything else, which sounds dumb to say, I've been through a lot especially this year so far but somehow this is the worst. And I respect the members for leaving due to whatever reason they have, but something inside of me wants things to last forever. So this is a thank you to all the creators who have made my life better. Thank you, Phil, Bad, Foolish, Fit, Jaiden, Quackity, Slime, Tubbo, Roier, Cellbit, Pac, Mike, Etoile, Hugo, and everyone else I missed. Thank you to all the eggs, especially Dapper and Leo. I couldn't ask for a better thing to be introduced to my life, even if you didn't stay for long. Thank you.
I know that's cheesy and corny and I kinda made the whole thing about myself, but truly, thank you. Thank you Quackity for creating such a wonderful community and giving me hope to do what you did and make something awesome. I'll never be the same after this, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
<3