Sleep, when you think about it, is like a false death or a little death. Unconsciousness extends to hours of bliss or nightmares, leaving one ignorant and inert, unaware of where one is. The awakening is what breaks the said 'death', pulling one out of the depths of their own mind to throw them into the real world. For a moment or so, I often think about it, the lines must blur; life and death, slumber and consciousness, real and unreal. From this moment rises a new you, one who is slightly different, slightly renewed.
I always understood sleep in that manner. You wake up with a bruise you didn't have before, you wake up with a new pimple, you wake up with more hair on your pillow than yesterday, you wake up feeling more tired than you did when you went to bed, you wake up from a vivid dream of a life so much better than your reality, you spend the rest of the day trying to forget it. I think of waking up as a door to a new day. What you'll find in that new day is shown when your eyes open, its symptoms etched onto you. I've lived through life enough to expect some things from how waking up leaves me feeling.
The 'mark' left me confused. For a good 5 minutes, I sat and recalled what had happened that night. Was I with someone? Was I drunk?
Who was I kidding? I hadn't been drunk in forever. That line of thought is for people who have friends to go out with.
I was sober. I came home alone, had leftovers and went straight to bed. Nothing that explained a strange tattoo that looked like a cursive 'U' or 'V' could have happened. I tried wiping it off, washing it out; nothing worked. It stayed there, dark and crisp, a part of my skin. It didn't hurt or even have any visible redness around it, almost as if it had always been there. But I knew it hadn't.
I might have been able to get it off my mind if I had anything to do, but it was a day off. All the time in the world to think about it. But what was the point? I couldn't get to any conclusion anyway. How did it get there? Who did it? What was the purpose of it? All questions hung before me like carrots on a stick too high for me to grasp.
I ate cereal for breakfast, even though I told myself to make something nice for once. I stayed at the table for way too long, staring blankly at whatever my phone showed me, locked in a hypnotic stillness until the clock threatened with hours slipping out of my grasp. I heeded, moving around to go about the chores that I had perfect excuses to avoid throughout the week in a lethargic pace. And when my mind found no place to rest, it wandered down to the mark on my wrist.
I wondered what it could mean. Maybe if I had known, I would have thought of something to do. Although, even if I did, there was nothing I could do.
Clouds took over the sky right around noon, just when the clothes were done washing. The gloom must have taken over me as all I did for who knows how long was pace around the tiny apartment I reluctantly called home before ending up standing before the window, staring out. Grey, wistful swathes hung over the big city; city of the future, city of dreams— all those names and a single, cloudy day dwarfed it before its sombre glory.
The longer I watched those clouds, the more anxious I grew. For what reason, I couldn't tell. Nausea rose upon me, sweat threatening to spill through my skin but not doing so, paralysed in a state of limbo, just like the weather. My insides felt corrupt, leaving an intense drive to spill it out somehow, erase it, cleanse myself of it.
The houses around were quiet, the only sound in the neighbourhood being that of some vehicles passing by occasionally. For once, I lamented the quiet. I had always wished so desperately for it, cursing the kids for all their screaming, laughing, crying, shouting, stomping and playing around the neighbourhood. I was never a bitter person. I never hated children. But the quiet I got to enjoy on days like these was something precious, and anyone to break it made my blood boil. And now, for some reason, I found the quiet nerve-wracking.
The clock seemed to tick louder in the deathly silence, forcing me to do something about the wet laundry festering in the washing machine. Like a marionette, I got to work, hanging and laying the clothes on whatever surface provided the passage of air around them. The clothing rack wasn't sufficient. I would've made lunch, but the nausea made me stay out of the kitchen. I never liked to cook anyway, but takeout was slowly eating away at the peanuts I earned. Going out with colleagues was no better. Somehow, it always ended with me paying for everyone. Fastest way to end my appetite. I was never a miser but constantly ending up with empty pockets after every outing would make anyone resentful.
I couldn't see the Sunset. All around me were tall buildings blocking the Sun at its best hours. Sunset to me was a splash of greyish orange towards the west. Today, it was dull purple, the kind that makes your mouth twist in a snarl, almost like a large bruise or mold sprawling across the sky. It made me want to reach up and tear it down, and the thought alone made my fingertips tingle with disgust. The sight of that nasty shade slowly fading as the dark veil of night spread should have made me relieved, but it only made the sense of doom settle further into the cavity of my torso.
How deceptive time is, rushing forward with no mercy when it wishes and slowing to a suffocating halt when it wishes. I didn't realise when the day passed, but when my eyes landed by chance on the clock proudly counting down each last second of my life, I could only beg for it to speed up. I didn't want to suffer, I didn't want to die— at least not so soon. But death was sweeter than the agony I was put through for reasons I couldn't dare ask about.
It came to me all of a sudden but not at the same time. I expected something, something bad, for sure, when the mark on my wrist began to tickle under my skin. Not long after that, it itched and burned. I scratched and scratched and scratched until blood came trickling out around it, but the mark remained unharmed, pristine. I knew it was over for me then, when my nails, all bloody and full of dead skin, would simply glide over the warm, wet liquid coating my forearm.
My vision was blurry from tears, which obscured the figure that seemed to manifest in the middle of my living room. I kept scratching, growing positively desperate to get rid of the mark. It stayed, pitch black ink engraved into my flesh. I broke down and slid to the floor as the looming figure, cloaked in white and gold, approached. It probably had a head and a pair of arms, but it didn't use them to lift me off the floor. I kept my head hung, even as screams erupted from my throat; I didn't dare look up.
I didn't realise when the lights went out— or perhaps I had never turned them on the whole day— but it was dark. At least, it was supposed to be. Besides the lightning that shrieked between the blanket of clouds pouring down rain, there was a bright, off-white glow so strong it could blind me easily if I hadn't been staring at my arm the whole time. Even in mid-air, I was below the cruel deity that inflicted that pain on me. When the mark burned so hot it began glowing through the bloody mess I had made of it, I gave up, dropping my spent hand to my side.
Why was it doing this? What did it have to gain from me? Why did it choose me? I hoped my eyes conveyed those questions as I lifted them to gaze upon it. I fought the light through newfound tears only to see indifference in the fully black eyes, a void so vast yet tiny enough to be held within the walls of my home. There was no malice in those 'eyes', only an aloof responsibility. For me.
My ribs cracked under the invisible pressure, the rest of my insides flaring up— muscles turned magma and organs, lava. My throat had never felt so raw before as it did in that moment until it was silenced on its own. I pitied myself for the failed whistling sounds my broken throat made, although I didn't have to bear it for long as my ears started bleeding along with my nose and mouth. There was something coming out of me, besides all the blood that splattered all over, something invisible but so very tangible. A part of me— how big, I could not tell. The bright one ripped it out of me, separating the ugly from the ideal.
I understood. I didn't want this to happen, but I understood. The corruption, the impurities had to go, to be thrown out. A horrid night would result in renewal, in the perpetuation of a better, purer form. I may have accepted it in those final moments. The sky had quieted down after a great storm, creating space for me to lament the tantalising click of the second's hand and the sparse, shallow breaths that leaked out of my respiratory tract. I wanted to let it all go, to go unconscious into the gentle arms of sweet slumber. My eyes shifted around to take in the sight of home one last time.
Soon, I would be renewed, perfect. But the stains of those removed impurities would be carried by the place, by the clothes soaking in my blood, and that would be all that was left of the me that existed before the blurring of the lines. That was enough. If I closed my eyes, death was a certainty, but so was the awakening of a new me. A renewed me.
A/N: This is a little something I wrote for a monthly writing prompt, it being "A character wakes with a strange mark on their arm." Credit to @the-kingofdoritos for the prompt!
I'm sorry y'all, I'm obsessed with this game rn. I really should be studying for my exams 🫠
Sure girl, that's exactly how that goes 💀
he just lost talking privilege
Update: I got a mouse and the bitch works again -_-
Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal
Was rewatching The Grand Budapest Hotel and I haven't been able to stop myself from quoting this line all day. This film is just too iconic. Also everytime Dmitri is on screen, I have the time of my life
I got curious and looked up the game because of him. Ran into him on my third run. Turned out to be a doppelganger though :(
WHAT? EXCUSE ME WHAT?? WE'RE GETTING AN ANIME OF THIS ABSOLUTE GOAT OF A MANGA???
Knock-Knock
— Who’s there?
Scarlet Sky
It was when Theo was in her late teenage that she joined the Red Dragon Syndicate. Before that, she was involved in all sorts of petty business on the streets of Tharsis but had made enough of a name for herself to be recognised by the Syndicate. Of course, she was nothing but a tiny extension of the large, sprawling arms of the Syndicate that reached all corners of the Solar system; still, simply being in the Syndicate gave all its members, even the relatively insignificant pawns, some strong footing among the other gangs around— a sort of distinguished brand.
She didn't quite recall how it all happened but the clearest memory in her mind was that of waiting outside the door of a building. It was raining and she had found cover under the overhang above the door. She was drenched from head to toe, as was the boy standing next to her.
Tall and thin, he seemed to be around her age. His dark hair, which she would later find out to be curly and fuzzy, was slicked down his forehead and the back of his neck, constantly dripping water on his nose. He didn't seem bothered by it as he leaned on the wall, casually tapping his feet and fidgeting with his hands. His clothes were much like her own, dark and loose-fitting.
There was not a word spoken between them for a long time, just the undisturbed thrum of the rain and the grumble of clouds until eventually, he asked for the time. That led to them having a short exchange introducing each other and having some small talk.
Looking back, she felt as though Spike was a completely different person at the time, much closer in character to her, owing to their similar lives prior. That all changed over the course of their stay in the Syndicate. Spike was paired up with Vicious, another newly joined member and they were both taken in by a man named Mao Yenrai. Theo on the other hand, was subordinate to Li Suming, a poised and stern lady.
Despite working under different people, they still saw each other frequently due to them being fresh members. They didn't talk much but stuck around each other anyway, in whatever free time they found between their 'training'. Growing out of the wings of their superiors though, they grew more apart. Their work varied and hardly overlapped.
But on some very rare occasions, they did work together.
The car noiselessly came to a halt beside the pavement, eliciting a nasal sigh from Roderick as Theo unlocked the doors. He stepped out a little less patiently than his partner, not out of sheer impatience but because of his rigid habit of wanting to get things done as quickly as possible. A habit Theo had as well but had grown a little more lax with. She looked on at the building as she shut the car door. There were other men from the Syndicate there already, waiting for her and her partner, scattered about near the door.
Some of them greeted her as she approached the front. "They're in?" She asked one of them. "Yes, they're in." He confirmed. She hummed in response as she sized the building again. The business would take place on the third floor as she was informed. Though the windows facing the street were large enough, nothing could be seen from there. Still, there was every need for vigilance since it was daytime and the Syndicate's activities were best suited for night. Not that they would ever get in any trouble, just not making a whole lot of noise was good for everyone.
This particular situation, however, Theo thought, would surely make noise. Another car stopped, right in front of the door. 'Discretion out the window.' The thought ran through her mind as she stood still with her head up and hands stuffed in her pockets. The car door shut closed with a thud and his voice cut through the front porch before his feet could.
"Hey."
She turned as he climbed the stairs. "Hey."
"Nice suit," he said, joining her.
"Thanks." She looked down at it as she held the lapels of her overcoat and gave it a fixing tug at the front. "You're alone?" she asked, noticing no one else stepping out of his car.
"I alone am enough," he said, lighting up a cigarette.
She didn't argue but gave him a blank stare which he chose to ignore.
"So, where's your partner, uh… what was her name, Alexis?"
She took a moment to reply, face unconsciously forming a slightly confused frown.
"Did you forget?" There was a pause. "She's dead."
He raised his brows, searching through the months of memories between the last time they met. "Oh, that's… yeah, that's right. My bad." He took a long drag from his cigarette.
"This is my new partner." She gestured towards Roderick and the man stepped forward.
"Roderick Miller. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand to Spike.
"Spike Spiegel." He shook his hand before resuming its position back to his cigarette.
"Well, it's time we go in. They've been waiting long enough," Theo said turning to the door.
Her partner and friend acknowledged and they made their way in. The job was pretty simple, they were supposed to have a meeting with a man, a representative of another similar organisation that had been on the wrong footing with the Red Dragon for a while recently, and a young woman who was a relative of the head of the organisation. The meeting was merely a facade, a way to lure two of the important members of the organisation in order to gain leverage.
The man was destined for death and the daughter or niece of the head, to be taken hostage. Of course, a rival organisation that had been bold enough to make brazen threats to the Reg Dragon wouldn't just come without insurance and that was where Spike came in. Being the enforcer of the Syndicate, the job of taking care of their security was his, most of which was already taken care of.
It was stupidly easy to buy off the guards they had spread all around the building. All that was left to deal with was the people in the lounge on the third floor. The lift chimed as it opened on the third floor and the agents of the Red Dragon walked down the corridor in a prepared stride.
"What room will you be taking her to?" Spike asked.
"Fifth room from the right down the hallway." He nodded in response.
They stopped before the large door leading to the lounge.
"After you're done, I'd prefer if I were left alone."
She looked up to him; that was unexpected, especially after each step of the way was planned and all.
"They must have at least 10 to 15 people in there," she said in an almost cautionary tone.
"Yeah, I know. I'd still prefer to do it alone. Having all of them with me will just be a distraction." He gestured tactfully to the group of gunmen behind himself.
"Alright. As you wish."
He gave a satisfactory nod.
"Oh, and," he added, "drinks after?"
She placed her hand on the door angle.
"Sure."
The door opened to a spacious lounge, a full-length window along one side while the opposite held a classy bar (without a barkeep at present), and seating close by the window, which was sealed off for now. Distributed across the room were suited men carrying guns, and the day's dealers sat at the sofa facing the door. They didn't seem delighted with their rival emissaries.
Theo seemed to take the lead naturally, walking in the front and sitting across the target followed by Spike and Roderick on her side. A few words of disinclined formality were shared before getting down to business. They were made a deal, to sign a contract handing over one of their armoury units to the Red Dragon in exchange for the latter overlooking the animosity. Needless to say, they did not accept and a few threats had to be made.
The man, whatever his name was, held a freshly pale face as his wide eyes stared between the girl's forehead and the barrel of Roderick's gun. A cacophony of clicks echoed through the hall and a dozen guns were pointing at Roderick in turn, one or two of the rest focused on Spike and Theo.
"Choose wisely." Theo leaned forward while Spike stayed still, relaxed even, with his legs crossed and arms resting on the backrest of the sofa. "The armoury or the girl."
Everyone knew where the priorities lay and after less than a minute of thinking, the man picked up the pen that was placed in front of him and signed the contract. With a satisfied tap of her foot, she got up and wordlessly signalled Spike with a look, although he didn't need to be told anything.
"Right. Now that that's done, we'll have you come with us," she spoke to the young woman who had fixed her with a glare for who knows how long.
"What for?" the man questioned, slight panic slipping through the attempt to hide it.
No more words were spoken besides the man's questions as the woman was forced to stand and start walking under the steady imposition of the gun. Roderick led her out and Theo followed with all their own gunmen in tow as Spike had asked, leaving him alone with the rival gang. She closed the door behind herself and walked to the room as promised.
All there was to do now was to wait.
"You played me!" the young woman hissed at Theo whose attention, divided until the moment, turned to her.
"I'm sorry." The comment was hollow, or at least her voice was. And maybe so were her eyes, or maybe that's how they appeared.
They had sat the girl down and arranged a chair for Theo as well but she stayed standing. There was no need for any kind of worry knowing it was Spike dealing with the case but still, despite all the stories she heard about his commendable, unmatched work in the Syndicate, she wasn't used to actually being there while he did it.
Muffled gunshots served to soothe the gash the silence had left but she grew uneasy either way, tapping her foot away, staring out one of the windows. She couldn't tell how many minutes passed before she decided she had to go and check on him. The gunshots continued growing louder until she reached the door and there was a loud bang on the other side.
She threw the door open to find the hall in an expected disarray. The metal shutters covering the windows were dented, the lights blown off, throwing the hall into darkness, and the furniture was littered with holes. She tried not to mind the blood splattered practically all over the place or the bodies lying about and made her way through it all to the bar. Sure enough, Spike had taken cover behind it.
"What're you doing here?" he asked as he sat up from his crouching position. "I told you I'd handle it."
"What was that blast?" she asked even though she knew the answer.
He pulled out a little hand grenade from his pocket to show her. She looked around the room to assess where exactly he had thrown it. Not 20 steps away were the signs of the explosion, smoke, char and a pile of human remains. He was lucky the bar was sturdy enough to protect him.
"Are you okay?" She looked back down at him, a note of stun in her voice.
"Of course." He stood up.
He was right. Besides looking a little ruffled, his suit was clean; shockingly so, given the sight of the room.
"Come on, you promised a drink. Don't back out now." He walked past her to the door, leaving her staring at his back.
Theo had been in the Syndicate for long enough to get used to this, guns and explosions and violence but she always found it hard to believe how Spike functioned— how he could walk away from a room full of dead, machine-gun-wielding men without a single scratch.
The Syndicate didn't house the most peaceful of people and each of its activities dripped with red. But Spike was… something else. A monster, some called him. She always thought that was an exaggeration but now, she began to see it. Somehow it left a strange taste in her mouth, a sense of unfamiliarity with someone she was supposed to know.
Cleanup was in progress as they stood outside and in the meanwhile, Theo made a call to HQ to report the success. Her work for now was done when she hung up but that signified the beginning of war between the two organisations. Or perhaps the 'annihilation of the Red Dragon's enemy' was more accurate.
She heaved a long but quiet sigh as she replaced her phone in her pocket, watching over as Roderick ushered their captive to their car. She went and handed him the keys before returning to Spike's car where he sat waiting.
"It doesn't really make sense why she came," he said, his eyes fixed on the young woman Roderick was handling.
Theo sat down in the passenger seat. "I asked her to come." She shut the door.
He turned to her with narrowed eyes.
"I went to dinner with her a couple of times, asked her to come along, and she agreed."
There was a pause before he huffed and started the car. "You're terrifying."
She knew he said it in light fun but there was truth to it, a truth Spike didn't quite realise. He would if he were to care enough to really look at the things she did, but for that, he would have to look at the things he did. In comparison, he was far more frightening than she could ever be. And she was somewhat grateful for that— but not at the same time.
The drive was spent in silence, a welcomed break from everything for the murkiness in her head to swirl and sway and gradually settle at the bottom to rise another time. When they reached the Conan, it had cleared a bit and she was feeling like herself again, whatever that meant for her.
The bar provided some comfort, as it often did, as an escape from it all. Maybe they built it with that intention given how isolated it felt, a capsule of tranquillity. No matter the circumstance, the ambience it held was always the same; the same notes of slow jazz, the same soft chatter, the same face behind the counter.
The barkeep smiled at the newly acquired customers as they sat at their usual place, bringing a faint smell of metal into the house. He never brought it up as it would wash away soon enough.
"I had a feeling I might see you today," he said, his beady eyes wrinkling at the corners. As proof of his words, there was that specific ashtray placed on Spike's side of the counter. "What would you like to have?"
She looked to Spike as he was the one who wanted a drink. He blew a puff of smoke after having lit his cigarette and turned to her.
"I don't really have anything in mind." Noting the blankness in her face, he addressed the Barkeep, "What would you recommend?"
He hummed and scanned the shelves behind him in consideration before speaking. "We recently purchased some good wine. I was thinking of opening one of the bottles today. I wonder if you'd like it?"
"Wine…" Spike didn't sound sure but he didn't sound opposed either.
"I'm okay with wine," Theo said.
"Okay, we'll take it."
The bartender disappeared into the back for a while to get said wine and poured it out in two tall glasses. After serving it to them, he moved on to other tasks. They rarely ever ordered wine there but they were also unusually early that day. The Sun had barely begun to set, it was no time for hard liquor, which was probably why Spike agreed to something so mild as wine. It was good; perhaps if her mind weren't so crowded, Theo would have come up with better words to describe it.
Before they could start talking, the barkeep returned; curiously, with a camera in hand. He said they were trying to decorate the place a bit, put up some picture frames and all, and for that, they planned on hanging up photographs of their regulars, which naturally led the man to Spike and Theo. Neither of them knew how good of an idea it was to have a photo of two members of the biggest mafia on the planet hanging on the wall of a bar outside of said mafia's jurisdiction, but neither refused.
At the moment, the thought barely crossed Theo's mind— well, it did but she brushed it off as she combed her short hair with her fingers to look more presentable. It got her thinking, had they ever shared a photo? Most likely not. And the chances of that happening anytime soon were slim. Of course, there was no need to have a photograph taken together but she had a feeling that they might as well, just to serve as a reminder down the line that they were there. In a small, odd bar, they were there.
They were left alone when the barkeep was satisfied and resumed their drinking. But once again, they had hardly started talking before her phone rang. She answered, it being from a higher-up, and much to her dismay, it was about another job.
"We've barely even sat down," Spike grumbled when she told him, "Can't your partner handle it?"
"He can but…" she placed the half-finished glass down and stood up, "I'd rather not leave it up to him. Roderick's a bit irritable and impatient."
"What's that got to do with the job?"
"Negotiations don't work when your social skills are anything less than perfect. That's how I've kept my neck intact all these years." She gestured to her neck, a hint of pride in her eyes.
He let out a grunt of annoyance, both at her leaving and her performative arrogance.
"I'll make it up to you soon. Put your drinks on my tab," she said, putting her coat on.
She couldn't tell if he would. She couldn't be sure if he would even stay there for long after she left. She didn't know why he had asked to go there either. It had been a while, yes, but she could not understand what he got from her being there to accompany his drinks.
They never did understand each other, she had come to realise. She knew there was so much she never told him about. Thinking about it, she never actually told him anything of substance, in the sense of kinship. All they ever talked about was superficial, or a minute, heavily masked bit of what lay beneath the surface. And there always was an ocean worth beneath the surface.
Try as she might, she could never get a read on him. It was as if he wasn't even there. He never cared for anything; just humming along as he did the daily, almost against his will. But somehow he was interested in drinking with her. He was interested in the idea of her, sitting beside him in the corner of an old, quiet bar, filling the silence with empty words so he wouldn't be left alone with his thoughts. And in a way, so was she; having a hollow shell of a man listen to her say nothing at all and add nothing at all with his smoke-muddled words.
That was the way it was before he met Julia. But even after that, even after she found that tiny spark of life in his eyes, there was no him in any of their conversations. He wasn't himself with her. He was no one at all.
She wondered if that's what he found her to be as well— nothing. Thoughts like that would bubble up in her head the longer they went without seeing each other until they would have a run-in on some job or at the HQ and he would ask her for drinks again and she would agree. And somehow, it did feel good in the moment; chatting about this and that, drinking their wines and bourbons and cocktails.
In the moment, it did feel like friendship—two old companions of almost seven years lost in the music of meagre conversation, free of deceit or judgment. Then the alcohol would run out the next morning, and all would be back to ground zero—back to forgetting the other existed for a while until the thoughts began to emerge again.
————————————————————————
[ I actually do have a name | | 20 | | she/her | | MBTI - INFJ(T) | | Reader | | Writer | | College Student ]
147 posts