If I Had A Nickel For Every Time A Gay Show Gave Me A Gay Kiss Before Ruining My Gay Life…

catch me monching on @chernozemm's cottage wives like an everlasting gobstopper

I think I have a potentially controversial opinion on Aziraphale and the ending.

So one of the things that made me smile so, SO much, was THIS:

That PURE ABSOLUTE UTTER JOY.

We have not seen ANYTHING like that from demon Crowley. We've seen him be drunk and silly, we've seen him be amused, but we've not seen this.

Now, let's consider what we know about Heaven:

It's never fully populated. ALL of the shots are completely devoid of angels, except for a few, who are almost always just getting somewhere and never really talking to each other.

Where I thought the archangels were a tight clan, it really looks like they're super catty and prone to jealousy. No doubt they would stab each other in the back happily if it came down to it. How much of Heaven is like that, if even the archangels all hate each other?

Aziraphale already has a nervous disposition when he meets Crowley. Is he perhaps an angel that NEVER fit in? Is he familiar with being ostracized by his peers? Just how lonely IS Heaven? Crowley seems to be a pretty powerful angel, and HE doesn't even know that it's all getting shut down in 6000 years -- it's like no one talks to anyone.

Aziraphale, during their whole meeting, looks absolutely smitten. At one point, Crowley goes, "Look at you! You're gorgeous!" and Aziraphale looks over with happy surprise, just before realizing he's not looking at him but rather at what he's created. And then, when Crowley starts going on about making suggestions and asking questions, Aziraphale is IMMEDIATELY concerned and doesn't want him to get into trouble.

Aziraphale is hooked on this angel, and I cannot help but think that this is perhaps the first angel who has ever WELCOMED Aziraphale into his company.

He is hooked on this angel, and the way Crowley smiles is with the light of all the stars he's just created, and it's infectious and it brings a smile to Aziraphale's face as well. And then this angel shields him from the oncoming falling stars.

He is hooked on this angel, and then this angel goes and joins the Great Rebellion, and becomes fallen himself.

"You were an angel once," Aziraphale said, softly, at the bandstand. He remembers.

I think it's reasonable to guess that Heaven has never felt so warm as it did in the presence of millions of exploding stars, next to the (arch?)angel that may perhaps be one of the few (only?) to pay him any positive attention.

I think it's reasonable to assume that Heaven was not the same after Crowley fell. I wouldn't be surprised to find out Aziraphale had wondered about the angel, wondered if he was okay. I would imagine that Aziraphale keeps that picture of pure, angelic, unbridled joy somewhere inside of him.

So, really, is it any surprise that threaded throughout EVERY interaction, Aziraphale has this deep-down feeling that Crowley is good? Would it be any surprise that Aziraphale, an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can (which isn't always), feels that if HE is still an angel, then what was done to Crowley was a great injustice?

I think it would make sense that we are shown "before the beginning" not just because it is fun, but because THIS is the foundational context for everything Aziraphale thinks Crowley is, everything Crowley enjoys. I think he remembers this moment and wishes he could live there forever. With Crowley. The two of them with this happiness, forever.

But nothing lasts forever, as much as he wishes it did.

I'm not saying Aziraphale was right with what he did to Crowley at the end of s2. There is a lot I think he did wrong. I think he held onto this picture so tightly, he didn't realize that Crowley had long since let it go, and painted a new one with Aziraphale with all the shades of grey he picked up as he sauntered (or plummeted) vaguely downward (into a pool of boiling sulfur).

I don't think he was right, but I do think he is understandable. I think there was a lot of selfishness, but also some misguided selflessness too. I watched that first scene with angelic Crowley and my heart actually broke a little, because I thought, "What a shame this joy was taken away from him."

I think Aziraphale is trying to right the injustice he feels has been done. But I also think Aziraphale doesn't realize that Crowley can never go back. The concept of falling never crossed Crowley's mind when he suggested that he ask a few questions, and he will NEVER get that kind of innocence back. And Aziraphale doesn't understand, because Heaven has clearly always just been that way for him (he is already aware of the danger of asking questions).

Crowley does not want to go back because he can never go back. He can never be the same angel he was when he thought he could build a universal machine that would crank out stars for eons and eons. He can never be the same angel he was when he thought he could make some suggestions and ask some questions and co-create with THE Creator.

Crowley understands that, and Aziraphale doesn't. But I can understand why Aziraphale would want to try. And I think it's all because of this:

Can we talk about how better the visual effects in s2 is?? The effect of the car riding was so much better than s1! Crowley’s eyes were also much better! The editors (? Is it the right word?) did such a good job for s2 :)

«I am alone, in the cold and aseptic rooms of Heaven and all my thoughts are far from holiness... was it the ultimate temptation? Or will it be the cause of my fall? Because, oh Lord, I shouldn’t… but I can't help but remember. I can’t stop myself from putting my hand to my lips to relive the memory.

Will you notice my thoughts, God, and make me fall? I think I would be strong enough to bear it. Long ago I feared that I had become a demon for defying Your will. But now I know. I’ve seen so much and I’ve understood it can be goodness and kindness in demons as well as wickedness in angels. I might challenge Your judgment now, for something I feel right.

But him? Would he still want me if I wasn’t the way I am? He calls me “Angel”... but what if I wasn’t? Would he love my demonic features like I love his yellow eyes? Would he keep coming back for me? I think I could bear everyone's judgement, including Yours, but if he looked at me differently... this would be too much and then, only then, I would really fall.»

- from A.Z. Fell’s journal in Heaven.

(A gift for @prettyineffable who asked me to write something like this)

I am not ready for season 2, it’s going to be so awesome, but my heart can’t take aziraphale and Crowley having a fight or having something similar to some theories I saw about 1945 scene, no thank you, Neil it was supposed to be gentle and romantic what the fuck I am panik, oh my go- sata- SOMEBODY HELP , 5 HOURS until it releases. Skjs

“is Crowley gay coded?” fuck no, there's a huge difference

Aziraphale is gay as in so homo he makes Ancient Greeks look straight, gay as in sees angelhood like it's the only gender worth being and loving, gay as in this fucker has probably made out with Oscar Wilde at some point and inspired that bloody nightingale story when they broke up, gay as in the gay that binary cisgender people whinge about aspiring to be whenever they're annoyed with the other gender, it's right there in the book

Crowley is queer as in trans, genderfluid, non-binary, lovequeer, genderqueer, doesn't belong anywhere, queer as in fuck you, so queer he probably encouraged humans to invent neopronouns for kicks, so queer it makes Aziraphale look straight, queer as in great mangled pustulent bollocks to the essentialists, queer as in shapeshifting into literally any form he likes even if it's a ball of energy or a winged snake with the head of a pissed off piranha or a ginger David Tennant with a drunken supermodel walk

It is he

“You’re probably thinking, if he can do this, I wonder what else he can do? And very very soon, you’re all going to get the chance to find out” - Aziraphale as Crowley say,

cutting to him smiling in the elevator at the end of s2

For s3 I am waiting for a Girlboss behavior

he is setting fire to heaven. He will be eating and leaving no crumbs behind

witchy slice-of-life drawings 🍁