Half Tempted To Take A Whole Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. Who Cares?

— Clarice Lispector, from “The Hour of the Star.”

• if I stay cold enough, I won’t want to get up and follow things around

• if I only use the same websites/watch the same shows/don’t answer unknown calls, I don’t get paranoid.

• if I don’t make friends, I won’t stay up all night wondering about what they’re plotting against me.

• if I stay inside, nobody will be watching me.

• if I don’t speak or think, no one can hear me.

Fire: Rambling #16

19th April 2022, 00:56

When I was an child to early teenager, I really liked fire. In fact, I was obsessed with fire. I guess you could call me a pyromaniac. I would set fire to a lot of things in all shapes and sizes. Socks, underwear, toilet paper, you name it. Sometimes I would hang toilet paper between posts and set the middle on fire just to see the paper fall apart. Sometimes I would roll paper into faux cigarettes and set fire to the end just to scare drivers into thinking a child was smoking tobacco (I still don’t smoke, although I have had the occasional cigarette, but I think that’s primarily an excuse for me to carry my lighter around with me, I’m still attached to it). I had a stalker back in high school (but that’s a story for another day). She would copy everything I did. One of the things she copied was my obsession with fire. So, one day when I was at her house, she brought me some lighters. Of course, I made a SAFE fire in her garden. But, she was an idiot, and so was her little brother. They left the lighters beside the fire. Seeing this, I backed away and hid behind a car. The stalker followed me, none the wiser. Her little brother stayed by the fire. Three, two, one, and the thing caused a chain reaction of explosions between the lighters. It was so loud. I remember her mum running outside and screaming doolally. Luckily, or rather unlucky because I hated the little shit (he chased me around with a roller skate as a weapon once and I wanted nothing more than to smash his head against the corner of the mantelpiece), her brother was unharmed. It didn’t deter me from my arson. I still set fire to things. I was not afraid of fire. People would ask me to make their fires on the beach and they were always so surprised at 1. my ability to make a fire from nothing and 2. how I was so nonchalant when handling the flames. As aforementioned, I still carry my lighter with me. You never know when you’ll need to set your old high school on fire.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

When did "Suicide is still an option" become a comforting thought ?

any jayvik or caitvi rpers still active? i play viktor and either caitlyn/vi. i’m also happy to play a platonic jinx against vi. dead dove welcome. discord only. shoot me a message or like this post!