Mean Dom Who Rears His Hand Back Just To Watch Me Flinch And Feel Me Tighten Up While He’s Guts Deep

as a geology nerd, i LOVE this

Here is a potentially silly question: how do you feel about birthstones? Do you think they fit the months (by season or astrological sign)? Do you have other stones you'd rather see as birthstones?

Okay, so, birthstones make absolutely no sense.

I mean, look at this mess. We’re doing beryl and corundum twice! I get that they get Special Different Names for their Special Different Colors, but it's just lazy. And why are we giving some months cheap, common gemstones like garnet and amethyst while the poor June birthdays have to shell out tens of thousands of dollars for FREAKING ALEXANDRITE? That’s incredibly unfair! We should be picking birthstones that are all roughly the same price. And why do some months get multiple gemstones? I’ll tell you why: because nobody can agree on an official list and every attempt to standardize this thing has just added MORE birthstones to every month.

So obviously the answer is to standardize it again, by throwing out everything and starting over. Here are our goals:

Fair pricing. You should be paying roughly the same amount regardless of what month you were born in. We’re getting rid of those ridiculous outliers like diamond and alexandrite.

More customization potential! Nobody should be stuck with a stone they hate. We’re picking gemstones that come in multiple colors or varieties, so that everyone can choose a variant they like.

Wearability. Some birthstones are too fragile to be worn as jewelry. We need to replace them with stronger stuff.

No more duplicate gemstones. Every month gets a stone or family of stones with a unique chemical composition.

Now without further ado, I present to you:

The New And Improved List Of Birthstones With No Problems Or Flaws That Everyone Will Definitely Agree On And We Can Start Using Right Now Immediately

JANUARY: GARNET

I've got no problem with garnet. It's a fine, classic birthstone, so January can keep it. But I would like to see a little more garnet diversity. January birthdays shouldn’t be confined to just red. The garnet family of minerals contains a rainbow of different colors, like orange hessonite, green uvarovite, pink rhodolite, yellow grandite, and many more. They’re all garnet, so we should be wearing them all!

FEBRUARY: QUARTZ

The original birthstone of February was amethyst, which is… kinda boring. Super cheap and common and you only get one color? No, we can do better. February gets ALL the quartzes now. Keep wearing amethyst if you want, but also feel free to branch out into clear quartz, citrine, rose quartz, smoky quartz, rutilated quartz, tiger eye… actually, take all the agates too. If it’s quartz, it’s yours!

MARCH: SPODUMENE

March was originally aquamarine, but I’ll be giving all the beryls to May, so we need a different stone here. Let’s stick with that theme of pale pastels and go with spodumene. For an April birthday, bedeck yourself in green hiddenite, pink kunzite, or yellow triphane. Despite its subtle colors, your birthstone has some amazing fluorescence, with really cool pinks and oranges under a UV light.

APRIL: FELDSPAR

Diamond is too pricy for this list, so we’re replacing it with something less expensive and way more interesting. April will now be represented by the feldspar family. We’re talking labradorite, moonstone, amazonite, aventurine, and sunstone. While you don’t have much variety in color, your stones are full of shimmery schiller which glitters and shifts as it catches the light.

MAY: BERYL

May’s original birthstone was emerald, which is great and can stay, but we’re also adding its siblings! May is now represented by all beryls: Emerald, Aquamarine, Morganite, Bixbite, Heliodor, Goshenite, and whatever other varieties I’m forgetting to list. A bright and saturated rainbow of colors is represented here, so everyone born in May is sure to find something they like.

JUNE: ORGANIC GEMSTONES AND FOSSILS

It’s time to address the alexandrite in the room, and obviously we’re getting rid of alexandrite. A stone worth $15,000 to $70,000 a carat does not belong on the same list as friggin amethyst. Instead we’ll look at the other traditional June birthstone, pearl. The problem with pearl is that it’s a clear outlier in this list. An organic gemstone, by some definitions not even a mineral. Should we replace it? NO. We are OWNING it. All organic gemstones now belong to June. Pearl is joined here by jet, amber, coral, ivory, ammolite, petrified wood… in fact, June can have every fossil ever.

JULY: SPINEL

July was originally represented by ruby, which is a fine stone and won’t be kicked off the birthstone list - we’re just shuffling it down to September. Replacing ruby for July is spinel. (See, it’s funny because historically spinel has often been mistakenly identified as ruby! That's a little gemology humor for you.) Available in any hue you could possibly desire, spinel offers some nice color options to a month that previously only featured red. Of course if you want to keep wearing red, red spinel mimics ruby so well that you’ll barely notice the difference.

AUGUST: PERIDOT

Nope, we’re not changing this one. Peridot is the ideal gemstone and you ungrateful August whiners can die mad about it. HOW ABOUT YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE PERFECTION

SEPTEMBER: CORUNDUM

Sapphire is a wonderful, classic stone and it deserves its spot on this list. But the corundum family has been separated for far too long, and we’re finally going to reunite them. Joining sapphire in September is its sister ruby. Between the pinks and reds of ruby and the many, many colors of sapphire, these two stones give September a nice variety of colors.

OCTOBER: TOURMALINE

Look, as gorgeous as opal is and as much as I love it, it is both way too pricy for our list and also TERRIBLE in jewelry. This stone is just too brittle to wear around from day to day and can be ruined just by getting it wet, which makes wearing your birthstone a huge hassle. We’ll kick opal out and hang on to October’s other traditional birthstone, tourmaline. Pink tourmaline may be classic, but this stone comes in plenty of other colors. Whether it’s brown dravite, watermelon elbaite, or the rare and beautiful blue indicolite, you can wear them all!

NOVEMBER: TOPAZ

November can keep topaz, but we’re not confining it to the color yellow. This stone comes in a huge variety of colors, and now they can ALL represent November. No further notes; it’s a nice, classic stone.

DECEMBER: ZIRCON

I dunno, I’ve had to come up with 12 of these, I’m burnt out. Sure, zircon, whatever.

“BUT WAIT,” you say. “Now instead of having a single color assigned to each month, almost every month is represented by almost every color, making it impossible to tell anyone’s birthstones apart and removing what made them special and recognizable as symbols!”

Well CLEARLY you didn’t read the title of this list.

real people being partially closeted or ambiguous about their own sexuality while making Gay Art is not queerbaiting

When it comes to bladder torture, there’s just something about having a bathroom you can lock with a physical key…

.Filling your sub up with glass after glass of water and then taunting them with the key, making them beg and plead for it, dangling it just out of their reach. Or holding it right up in front of their face where they could easily grab it, if they weren’t such a good and loyal piss slave of course. The only thing they’d dare to grab is their crotch (if their dom will allow it).

.Hiding the key somewhere and forcing the sub to look for it. Watching their face slowly turn pink as they get more and more flustered. Their little whimpers and grimaces of agony as they’re forced to bend over, folding their painfully full bladder in half to reach around under the chairs and sofa. Or reaching up to high cupboards and shelves, leaving them no choice but to wrench their hands away from the front of their pants/skirt. You get to sit back and watch them rush around, turning the place upside-down as they get increasingly frustrated and tense, searching in increasingly unlikely places as their urge grows. You pour yourself a nice big drink for the show, letting the trickling sounds drive them even more crazy, as you wonder whether they’ll find the key in time to avoid an accident.

.For longer periods of control, every time your sub tries the bathroom door there’s always a chance it’ll be locked. Maybe a 50/50 chance, if youre feeling particularly mean. And of course, you always make sure theyre keeping nice and hydrated, so they spend a lot of time fumbling with the door handle, pressing their knees together, their face falling as they realize theyre just gonna have to wait this time. Unless they ask very nicely. If they’ve been out all day travelling and holding it in, the moment they get back home is always particularly stressful, since they don’t know yet if they can pee there either. Or if they get home before you, theyre just gonna have to sit and squirm til you arrive with the key.

.The sound of the lock opening becomes a trigger for their bladder, since it usually means they’re about to get relief. You take advantage of this by turning the key ever so sloooowwwly, watching them twitch and tug at their belt/zipper, knowing that their body is instinctively getting ready to release, and prolonging their suffering as long as possible. Then, for an added bit of cruelty, you open the door and let them rush towards the toilet before suddenly closing it in their face.

.Multiple subs competing for the locked bathroom, as only one of them is allowed access to the key at a time. They stand side by side, shaking and trembling, to let you inspect their lower stomachs while teasing and stroking your fingertips across their bulging bladders. The subs wait with baited breath to hear which one of them gets to go first. Maybe the one who wins gets cocky and brags about their relief to the still-desperate loser, riling them up even more. Or, maybe, neither of them have been good enough to get permission yet, and the dom pours them another round of drinks.

stoner sub 🤝 dom that buys their weed so they can take advantage of their dumb toy later

when is it my turn to have a cute dominant partner who plays video games and will help me study and will spoil me like a little princess but degrade and fuck me when it’s time? 😫