Twobraincellgenius - Untitled

i want a shirt that has a QR code on it for some kind of horrible malware so that if anyone ever tries to film me in public their phone will automatically scan the code and be reduced to a functionless brick

Every time I get groceries I’m always appalled at how little you can get for like, $20. I was making banana pudding so I needed vanilla wafers but the brand name nilla wafers cost $4 a box. The minimum wage in my state is $7.25/hr. My friend put it really well when he said “imagine you work for an hour and someone hands you two boxes of nilla wafers and said ‘actually this is a bit more than what I owe you’”

Evil counter part to mothman

A woolly manmoth. No, not a mammoth, a manmoth.

I’m good and I’m going to deflect the lightning with my laser sword until you stop.

I'm evil and I'm going to shoot lightning at you until you die. Hope this helps!

Happy aniversary you dumb fucks @staff

Censor words that don’t need to be censored to make them look like others. *uck!

Like this?

tumblr will always be a better website than twitter because you can only retweet a tweet once, whereas on this website if i really like a post i can make my followers scroll past it twelve times in a row

never would I think I would see it on my dash

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

conversation I have with my ferret 1000x a day

Tiers of "heroes don't kill people, but we still want the villain to die because something something justice" in ascending order of "well, technically":

Hero simply leaves; villain coincidentally killed shortly thereafter by something unrelated. Example: murdered by treacherous minions.

Villain accidentally kills self while attempting to harm hero. Example: shoots at hero, misses, struck by improbable ricochet.

Hero and villain's conflict leads to perilous locale from which only hero escapes. Example: fighting on train tracks, villain hit by train.

Villain defeated non-lethally; dies anyway due to unpredictable or outside factors. Example: villain disarmed, dies of magic curse.

Hero employs lethal force, but that isn't what kills villain. Example: villain evades hero's attack and falls off cliff.

Hero deliberately employs environmental hazard to kill villain. Example: hero throws villain into live electrical wires.

Hero apparently kills villain; later developments reveal villain survived and was killed by something else. Example: hero kicks villain off cliff; post-credits bonus scene shows them getting up and walking away, then getting eaten by a bear.